Xenophobia
by KevlarMasquerade
Summary: After a run in with a mysterious villain, Starfire's powers are stolen from her. As the Titans' fearless leader searches for the culprit, Starfire struggles to discover how or if she fits on the team anymore. Post-Tokyo, RobStar, minor BBRae and CySarah
1. Titan Princess Starfire

**Very, very slight alternate fic here. This starts out right after Tokyo, although if at Tokyo, Robin never kissed Starfire. "We're heroes, Star. That's all we're ever meant to be." The end. Raven can't read, Beast Boy gets tricked by Nya-Nya, Robin and Starfire don't get together. Tokyo sucked for everybody except Cyborg, who still got to eat lots and lots of questionable food. Another slightly alternate thing that is more a quirk specific to me and consequently, this fic and almost all the ones I write, is that I hate the "Tamaraneans don't know what kissing is" thing. Seeing as she only mentioned it in the movie, and she was being rather cryptic to try to make Robin make a move, it's plausible that she was faking. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. (Come on. "I have heard that kissing is… more." She might as well have said 'Please kiss me, Robin.' If you're still not convinced, I have thirty years of comics on my side.)**

**Also, this is my very first attempt at first person Starfire POV. Why first person? Because that's the way this story is meant to be told. I tried writing this story in third person, but third person is meant for switching points of view, unless it's omniscient. I don't want switches. I want you guys to get Starfire's side, and only Starfire's side. Third person was wasted on this. So, here is what is actually my second and hopefully last attempt at this fic. **

**A short warning: The chapters are quite inconsistent! I aimed for at least 4,000 words a chapter and tried not to go over 6,500. Aimed and tried being the operative words, and even that bracket is very loose.**

**Chapter 1 – Titan Princess Koriand'r**

We unpacked the T-ship as soon as we landed, despite Beast Boy's protests about the lag of jets and wishing to eat with a 'real utensil' as soon as possible. Robin was being quite sulky, which I did not understand. Perhaps he was angry with me. Perhaps he thought I was angry with him. I was not, however I did not wish to tell him so. He would have known that if he had spoken to me, which he had refused to do unless it was necessary.

This was my fault, this odd tension between us. I should not have pushed. I never thought it would result in this. Robin has always spoken to me of what is on his mind, at least when it directly involved me. His silence was unnerving.

Raven felt it too, it was clear. She continuously glanced between Robin and me, raising her eyebrows at me in a silent question. A question I would be happy to answer later, if I could. I could hardly make sense of what was going on, myself.

Robin was in the storage pod of our T-ship, Raven taking care of the bags we had stored in our pods with us with her powers. Beast Boy was carting some luggage that Robin had handed to him inside the Tower, and Cyborg was doing inspections of the ship, mumbling reports to himself under his breath. I floated up to relieve Robin of the luggage he was carrying, and he locked eyes with me for many seconds before looking away and handing me bags, all without speaking.

It saddened me, the way he was keeping this up. I did not wish for this to happen. I could only hope that he would speak to me when he was ready.

We all had our own meals that night, as we did not wish to burden Cyborg with making our dinners. Beast Boy made himself the grilled cheese and tomato soup from a can. Robin ate the flakes of corn, as he often did for dinner when Cyborg was not cooking. We have all tried explaining to him that cereal is insufficient for providing nutrients, but he does not listen. He took the entire box and a quart of milk into his office, presumably so he could concentrate on paperwork until he had finished that. Cyborg, ironically, ordered Chinese food for himself, which he ate in the garage, presumably so that he may work as well without worrying about dietary needs.

After Beast Boy vacated the kitchen, Raven offered to make the cheese and macaroni for us both.

It is unknown to my friends, but I am actually a decent cook. I used to make many Tamaranean cuisines and attempt to coax them into trying it. Unfortunately, the Tamaranean palette does not seem very amicable to the human dietary pattern. Some of our foods are harmful, resulting in the aching belly or other forms of gastrointestinal distress, while others simply taste bad. Therefore, my friends are not so eager to eat the things I make. I enjoy making Earthly foods as well, as their cuisines do not harm me, and several of them are delicious, but as a result of my well-intentioned attempts to get my friends to partake in Tamaranean eating traditions, they will not eat even my Earth foods. I am not offended. I made Cyborg sick on at least one occasion, so their wariness is not unfounded.

I allowed Raven to make the cheese and macaroni, however, as I was in too poor spirits to put much effort into looking after myself. I sat on the counter as Raven cooked the pasta, and she very casually said, "So… Rough time in Tokyo?"

Her attention was fixed on the pot in front of her, as she seemed to know I did not wish to talk. That made it easier to be more open. "Indeed. I had an expectation that… could not be met."

"Robin?"

I nodded, even though she was not looking.

"Want to talk about it?"

I did. Raven is an amazing friend. I do not think that she was honestly that interested in my problems with Robin, but she was worried about me. She wanted to make me feel better. I gave her the condensed version- about how I was sure that he would kiss me on the roof of that building, about how he insisted that our lives were meant only for superheroics, about how he did not wish to pursue a relationship with me.

"Well," Raven said when I had finished. "That's Batman, for you. You did notice that he said that heroes couldn't have relationships, not that he didn't like you?"

"What does it matter if he likes me if he will not do anything about it?" I asked. Although her words did make me feel a little better.

"Yeah, I know. But maybe he's just… waiting for something."

"Then would it not have been best to tell me that?" I asked, threading my fingers together.

"Yeah. It would. But you know how he is."

"That is no excuse," I mumbled.

Raven poured mix from a blue and yellow box into the pot with the pasta and water. "Of course it's not. But it might make you feel better."

"Raven…" I began, unsure. "Do you… Does he… Care for me? Am I wasting time with him?"

She put the box down and turned to me. "Starfire. You know I can't share emotions."

"I am sorry," I said, hanging my head. "I am confused. And hurt."

"I know you are. Star… Do you want me to help you with it?"

Raven was asking me if I wanted her to lessen the intensity of my emotions. I usually do not allow her to help me in such a way, because Tamaraneans believe that our emotions are far too important to tamper with. But I had other things that needed attention that night.

"Very well," I told her, and she held her hand out, arm straight and palm out. I pressed my palm against hers and Raven took a deep breath in. I copied her and we exhaled at the same time, and I felt cold wash over me. Raven's powers, even though they are well-intentioned, always come with great coldness. Calm settled over me, and my frustration with Robin seemed silly. He would work this out, the way he always worked everything out, and we would continue on as normal.

"Thank you."

"No problem." Raven was glad to help, I could tell. I know that Robin never lets her calm him with her powers, and I usually do not. Cyborg seems wary about it as well, although Beast Boy seems the okay with it.

As we ate, Raven informed me that she had decided to study the Japanese language, and I offered my help. After making sure that my help would not include lip contact, she accepted it. Now that I think of it, lip contact with Raven, although awkward now that I know that humans do not acknowledge a difference between a language transfer and romantic kissing, would be immensely beneficial to me. Raven knows several languages that Robin did not, many of them dead or other-worldly.

I did not voice that opinion. Raven would not like to hear it.

Beast Boy and Cyborg had agreed to have a battle of skill on the Gamestation at the clock of eight, and Raven levitated onto the couch to watch. I usually like to watch the others play their games, but as I said before, I had other things that needed my attention.

I flicked the lights on in my room. My beloved Silkie waddled over to me, warbling excitedly. Mas and Menos had been taking care of him in our absence, as it only took them a matter of seconds to zip over to our dwelling from their Tower in Steel City. They appeared to be thrilled that I asked for their assistance.

I did not have time to play with him much, but he was content to lie beside me on the bed as I sat with my laptop on my lap.

"Galfore?" I called into the microphone on my laptop. My video calling application was open on my computer, and he should have been waiting for me. "It is I, Starfire," I said in Tamaranean.

"Ah, bumgorf," he greeted me as he sat in the large chair in front of the screen. "I trust you enjoyed your vacation?"

"Oh, yes. Japan is an interesting place, and its language is as interesting as its culture."

"Good, good." He was not really interested in hearing about my vacation. He would have been, years ago. That time was before the Titans knew anything of my past, back when I felt the need to conduct my calls with Galfore in secret. It was sad, really, that in giving Galfore the position that suited him so well, that was so right for him, I had lost a little bit of my k'norfka. I wondered, not for the first time, if giving the Imperial Headdress to Galfore was an act of selfishness.

"Everything is well?" I asked.

Galfore shut his eyes and sighed, looking exhausted. "Not quite, princess."

I wished then that Blackfire was not… Blackfire. I wished that Wildfire had not been lost to the depths of space during my captivity. I wished that my parents had not died after I was forced to leave Tamaran.

The Grand Ruler always had to hold counsel with the Royal Family of Tamaran. It is why the Imperial Headdress reverted back to the ruling family—my family—my father serving as Grand Ruler before me. Anyone could inherit the Headdress, although it must be earned. If no one earned the position, as often happened, the Headdress was given back to the ruling family, who was then supposed to keep it until someone did earn it. Unfortunately, excepting Galfore, I was the last person to earn rather than inherit the Headdress in decades, and it would have been mine even if I had not.

"The unrest in Tamaran is growing, princess."

For months, the Tamaranean people had been growing dissatisfied. The Citadel attack on our planet, which was ended only by my father agreeing to condemn me to a life of slavery, had wiped out much of our planet's foliage and natural life. The people were having difficulties adjusting to it. Some fought over the thinning herds of trednak, a beast similar to Earthly cattle, and the farmers were having an impossible time growing vegetables. Food was not plentiful enough. Galfore was struggling to appease the people, and riots were a nightly occurrence. Some insisted that I come back, others insisted I stay away. Some preferred Blackfire's leadership to Galfore's, and I was blamed for that.

"We suspected it would, Galfore," I reminded him gently. I took a deep breath and asked, as I always ask, "Do you need me to return home?"

"No," he answered quickly, as he always does.

"Are you certain?" I asked, slowly and deliberately. This was new. I had never reminded him that after asking initially that I could—and most likely should—return to Tamaran.

"No, bumgorf. Stay on Earth. I prefer it that way." His words were strong. It was a command.

"Very well, Grand Ruler," I answer, dipping my head in a quick bow, acknowledging the command.

"Now, my dear Koriand'r, I have a message for you from Karras."

I narrowed my eyes. "Karras?" He was a member of one of the six royal families of Tamaran.

Tamaran is different than Earth. Earth does not have one united ruler, opting instead for rulers of different areas to confer about global issues. On Tamaran, there is the main ruling family—mine—and several other families that rule over what is approximately the equivalent to Earth's city-states—separate entities that come together as a whole. Karras is the prince of one of these city states, the southern states of Kalapatt, and he was always my mother's preferred match for a betrothal for me. My father always wanted me to marry an acclaimed war general. It was one of the rare times I agreed with my father rather than my mother.

Usually a message from a prince to a princess meant only one thing, and that was a marriage proposal. Occasionally the different houses interacted, bestowing favors and recalling debts, but as I am off-world, that is unlikely.

"Galfore?" I asked, nervous. Raven's dampening my emotions did not help me with the new ones I was feeling.

"I have made it known that you are not marriageable, as you are off-world and will not be returning," he told me solemnly. "However, offers still come. This one is unique. Do you wish for me to read to you the message?"

"No," I answered. I drummed my fingers against the bedspread, a habit I had picked up on Earth. "Send it to me. I wish to read it myself." Truthfully, I did not. But if Galfore found it important, then I should see it for myself.

"Very well," he said with a nod.

We talked for a while longer, Galfore attempting to give me only the good news and I giving him the same treatment. I am certain we both knew that details were being skirted over and things were being left out.

After our conversation, I felt tired. It was dark in the hallways, so my friends must have gone to bed already. I desired something to drink, and as I had run out of zorkaberry juice, I had to go to the kitchen for water.

Really, it was predictable. Robin was there, putting the milk he had taken and the box of cereal away. I had not been avoiding him, but it was jarring, being in the same space alone with him so soon after…

"Greetings," I said quickly when I realized that we had been looking at each other without speaking. I flipped the light on, which Robin never bothered to do.

"Hey, Star," he said, looking away quickly. It was almost amusing, how jumpy he seemed. I had only seen him like this once before, and that was when we were stranded. And I had been angry with him then. His attitude was uncalled for this time.

"Have you been working all this time?" I floated up to the cabinets to obtain a glass and filled it at the tap, then leaned back on the counter to look at him. Hopefully, my demeanor would make him realize that I was not angry. I did not like him so tense in my presence.

"Um, yeah. I had to do a whole report on everything that happened while we were in Tokyo, plus I started going through the paperwork Kid Flash and Jinx left while they were covering for us. Jinx's stuff is fine, but Flash's… I think he may have tried to write at superspeed."

"That does not work?"

"No. It comes out looking a little like a heart monitor. Straight lines with sporadic jumps in it."

I giggled. It wasn't particularly funny, but I had a clear picture in my mind of Robin making a serious attempt at trying to read the odd lines of writing. It set him at ease and he smiled at me, a small, relieved smile. X'hal, do I love it when he smiles at me.

"Perhaps you should ask Jinx do all the paperwork," I suggested.

"Are you kidding? She'd blast me."

"She would require compensation," I agreed. "Perhaps if you took the Kid Flash for walks in the morning to work the excess energy off, she would do it."

Robin laughed. "That's how you handle Silkie, isn't it?"

"It is my secret. You should be thankful that I have passed it on to you."

There was a little silence and I took a sip of my water to busy myself.

Robin rubbed the back of his neck, looking at me warily. "Star?"

"Yes?" I answered politely.

"You're… not mad at me?" He asked the question gingerly, as though asking it might anger me, or possibly anger me more, if he thought I was angry already. A small, spiteful part of me was annoyed that he felt that he needed to ask, but I should be glad that he was acknowledging the… incident… at all, instead of pretending nothing had happened as he would have not too long ago.

"No, Robin. I am not."

"Oh. Well, good." And then he seemed content.

I narrowed my eyes at him, but he did not notice. I placed my glass on the counter loudly, and he looked up at me and then he asked, "What?" His tone was so innocent that I almost forgot my anger.

"That is all you have to offer?"

"Huh?"

I sighed. He was not making this easy. "'I am glad that you are not angry with me, Starfire. Now we can do the pretending that nothing ever occurred,'" I mimicked, making my voice deep to indicate that I was approximating what he said.

"But I didn't… I don't…" he fumbled, looking helplessly confused.

"Robin," I said softly, to reestablish that I was not angry with him. "I wish to talk about it."

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. Robin looked more likely to run out of the room.

"Please," I added, and he visibly gulped.

"Star," he whined, "there's nothing to talk about."

I disagreed. "Why?"

"Why, what?"

"Why are you hiding behind your occupation as a hero to avoid the relationship with me?"

"I'm not_ hiding_—" he snapped, apparently offended at my word choice.

I did not wish to deal with his denial about that, so I forced myself to say what was truly on my mind. "Is it because of me? I have done something wrong?"

For a moment it looked as though he would bang his head on the counter. Instead, he scratched his neck again and mumbled, "No, of course not."

"Then what, Robin?"

He coughed and finally met my gaze. "What do you want from me, Starfire?"

"I wish for you to be truthful," I told him. "I wish to know what you think of me, so that I may stop wondering."

"I… Didn't we already do this?" he asked wearily.

"That was months ago," I reminded him. "And you did not give me a straight answer." I quickly became less satisfied with his 'I think your starbolts are awesome' speech as time went on.

"I think you're… Starfire, why can't you just be happy with the way things are?" He sounded pleading, and it was making me distressed.

"I do not know the way things are any longer! I thought we were the best of friends, but I am also the best of friends with Raven, and things are different between us." I tilted my head just a little, showing him that I was indeed trying, trying so hard to understand.

"That's different," he answered quickly.

"How?"

"It's different between two girls than it is with a boy and a girl."

I squinted one eye at him. "But Beast Boy and I, and even Cyborg…"

"That's different, too." I did not say anything, but my expression must have conveyed how confused I felt, because Robin sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "You and me, Star, we're… Ah…"

"Robin, all that I wish is for you to explain to me what our time together is growing into." I was getting exasperated.

"See, why does it have to grow into anything?" he seemed excited that I might be heading to a point he could make. "Everything's great how it is."

"So…" I said, lowering my gaze to the floor, wishing I had not done this. Pushing Robin never works out in my favor. "You do not wish to eventually pursue a relationship with me."

"Starfire. Things need to stay the way they are."

I snapped my eyes up to his. "That is not an answer."

His fingers balled into fists. "It's the only answer I can give you."

I wanted to smack my hand into my forehead. It was an Earth gesture, but a fitting one. "You are not making me any less confused, Robin. I want a straightforward answer."

"Fine. Fine, Starfire. You know what? I can't date you, okay?"

I felt my eyes widen at him. I suppose that was what I had been pressing him to say, but hearing the word 'date' used to describe Robin and me made my pulse jump through my veins, which was rather unfortunate, as he had just told me that he was unable to do so. His tone was rough, and I hoped he was not angry with me. "Why not?" I squeaked, wincing as that made me sound rather desperate. I simply wanted to understand.

"Dating teammates is a bad idea." His voice sounded rehearsed, as though this was something Earth boys learned in school.

"Says who?"

He narrowed his eyes at me, and he growled, "You know who."

My mouth dropped open. "You wish for things to stay the same because of the Batman?"

"Starfire, that's not—!" He paused and continued again. "There are plenty of other reasons."

"Such as?"

"I can't play favorites."

While that was not as ridiculous as not dating a teammate because of some rule set by a man who was not even present, it was still an excuse. I was growing more confused. Was he feeding me excuses because he did not want to admit that he did not want a relationship with me? I would prefer for him to be truthful.

"And it's dangerous," he blurted when he saw that I was less than impressed with the last excuse.

"Robin…" I said wearily.

We had been standing on opposite sides of the kitchen, but now Robin approached me. "I know you think I'm giving you excuses. I can tell that's what you're thinking. But, Starfire, if something happened to you because of me, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself." As he said that, he put a hand on my arm. It was as though he was attempting to pass his anxieties to me through touch.

I let my gaze drop to his fingers on my arm. I could not help it. Robin was rarely the one to initiate touching. I was open to what Beast Boy referred to as glomps, and Robin was on the receiving end of many of them, and he was open to putting his hands on my back for the duration. And he was likely to catch me, should I ever fall from the air during battle. But that was different. And, of course, he liked the trapeze hold when I carried him in flight, but that was different, too. We did sit quite close together on the sofa when we all watched movies together, but no outright touching was involved there. It was new, him touching me simply to touch me.

"But…" I finally protested. "Slade has already targeted us because of our affiliation with you. And Professor Chang. And even Atlas captured us to antagonize Cyborg…"

"But if only you were targeted… and it was my fault…" He put one finger under my chin and lifted my head so that I was looking at him, then he dropped his hand quickly. "And you'd be a distraction," he added, stepping back.

"A distraction?" I demanded, trying to be indignant.

"Yeah," he answered quickly, like he had thought about it and that was the obvious conclusion.

He still had not answered my question. "Forgetting everything else," I said, making sure he was paying attention before I continued, "do you wish to someday pursue a relationship with me?"

He backed up even more, his back hitting the countertop behind him. "I can't."

"So you have said. But do you wish to?"

"It doesn't matter."

I did not think so, but instead of beginning another argument, I simply said, "I know."

"Yes, okay? I do. But I can't so we won't. And that's all there is to it, Star."

I felt a surge of happiness, and of triumph, before I was quickly jolted back to reality. He did want a relationship with me. He wanted what I wanted. But what did it matter? He would not act upon his desires, and I would not as long as I knew that he did not want to. This was very complicated, and I did not know if his admission made me happy or upset. "I understand."

"Okay. Now, probably, we should go to bed."

"Of course," I murmured, still half in a daze, letting him brush past me and flip off the light. I followed his footsteps down the hallway, as his room was next to mine. I typed in my code and the door opened obediently.

"G'night, Star," he said, watching as I slipped into my room.

"Pleasant shlorvaks," I called as the door slid closed behind me.

I fell on my bed without even bothering to change into pajamas, and I fell asleep very soon after that.

**I hope you liked the first chapter! I made it using a recipe of equal parts exposition and setup, a dash of foreshadowing, and a generous amount of unresolved sexual tension. Let cool for ten minutes before serving.**

**This chapter was really for me to get a handle on the first person POV, and it really was a lot of setup. The next chapter will be more actiony, promise. Not bad on the POV, I think. I'll try to do better with Starfire's inner thoughts, caught myself overdoing the formality a few times and using contractions more than that. **

**If you are new here, let me introduce you to my good friend, the teaser. I call it a teaser, but you may call it a snippet, preview, or anything else that comes to mind. I put them at the end of each chapter, and it gives you a very limited look at the next chapter. I play lots of tricks, so beware of putting too much faith in the teaser. If the teaser is missing, that means that I either messed up in my editing or that the next chapter is so full of plot that I couldn't afford to give you any sneak peeks. **

**Updates will be once a week on Saturdays, so keep an eye out.**

"No," I murmured.

"Yes," the villain answered.

My eyes lit up. I was angry now. "No!" I shouted back. I fired a volley of starbolts at him.

He fired a shot at me. Purple light, identical to Blackfire's, shot out of the gun. I dodged it, a little frantic.

"Starfire!"

Not now. I could not be torn between Robin's presence and dodging the blasts from that gun. I did not acknowledge his presence, as I was in the middle of ducking from a new shower of blasts.

I aimed a starbolt at the villain.. My shot landed on his shoulder and knocked him back. As he was in the middle of shooting, the ray shot right at Robin. I felt my eyes bulge in fear and I froze, gasping.


	2. Transsubstantiator Ray

**Quick note: I said Saturday. I meant Friday. This fic will be updated on Fridays. TGIF, right?**

**Chapter 2 – Transsubstantiator Ray**

The next day was the day that changed everything.

I stayed in bed much later than usual. Raven's powers make me tired. We think this is because her powers battle with mine. We truly are opposites. It did not help that for the first time in a long time, I simply did not feel like getting up.

I had not realized before this how important my relationship with Robin was. I suppose he was right, that we could remain the way we were. But that seemed wrong. Relationships should always be moving. Even my relationship with Raven is moving. We continuously make efforts to do the hanging out more than we currently are, me volunteering to go to depressing cafes and Raven volunteering to go to the mall. We conduct the girl talk. I suppose we are happy with the way things are in our friendship, but that does not mean we cannot change things.

The thought that things with Robin must now stagnate seemed depressing. I suppose I was mourning the loss of something I had never even had. The loss of visions that flashed through my mind, fleeting glimpses of the future I hoped for and truthfully, perhaps unfairly, expected. I did not even realize how much I had wanted… something… with Robin. Happiness, I suppose. But were we not happy now?

I was confusing myself. The fact that he did admit to me that he wished that we could pursue a relationship but that we could not—or, rather, that he would not—was as much a comfort as it was a source of grief.

A knock on my door alarmed me, and I felt incredibly guilty. If that was Robin, he would want to check on me. And he would feel bad for making me upset.

"Yes?" I called, not getting out of my bed. I felt sheltered there.

"Starfire it's me."

"Raven," I answered, relieved.

"Everything okay?"

"You may come in." I did not care if Raven saw me as I was—unshowered, in my now-wrinkled uniform from yesterday, hair unbrushed and not fully awake.

She put up a portal and melted through the wall, raising her eyebrows at me. "What's up?"

I grimaced. Would Robin be upset if I told Raven what had occurred? I was unsure. "I had a… discussion with Robin last night."

Her eyebrows hiked up closer to her hairline. "A discussion?"

"Yes."

"Is that good or bad?"

"It was not good," I mumbled, bending my knees and pressing my forehead against them.

"Did he say he didn't like you?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

"No. He said that he did," I told her forlornly.

"Then what's the problem?" Raven was getting exasperated, so I hurried to answer her.

"The Batman, among other things."

Raven's posture relaxed and her arms dropped to her side. "Oh."

"Yes, oh," I agreed.

"I'm sorry Star. That's not very fair to you at all." She sat on the edge of my bed. Raven was not very fond of hugs, but her presence was comforting enough on its own.

"What do I do, Raven?"

She exhaled loudly, shaking her head. "I don't know. He's… stubborn. Did you tell him you wanted a relationship?"

"Of course I—" I began, but I cut myself off quickly. Had I said that? I told him I wanted him to be truthful. I told him I wanted more out of our relationship. But, I suppose, I hadn't told him directly that I wished to be his girlfriend. "Not in as many words," I mumbled.

"Star. You have to be direct with him. Otherwise, he won't know."

"_You_ knew that I wished for a dating relationship with him," I pointed out sourly.

The look she gave me was reproachful. "He doesn't sense emotions."

I frowned at her. "I know that. But he is not stupid. He must know…"

"But if you're not direct, he'll just avoid it. You know that."

I gave her a hopeless look. "I do not wish to be rejected."

She was quiet for a moment, then stood up and said, "Come on, get out of bed. You'll feel better once you actually start functioning."

Raven mothered me into the shower, getting out a clean uniform and even a towel for me and ushering me into the bathroom. It was nice of her to be so concerned for me, but I wanted to think this over clearly. Although, thus far my thinking had been in circles. Raven usually gives me plenty of space after something has upset me to let my emotions settle. Her intervention made me wonder if Robin was upset by my absence this morning.

Showering did help, as it often does. Something about being in a small space of flowing water, warm and happily alone, makes problems seem much smaller than they usually are. Especially my problem, which was a problem of omission, so to speak. Perhaps all it would take was time.

But, of course, that raised the question, how much time? Should I wait for Robin? X'hal knows I would, but that is unfair to me. I could also consider doing the seeing of other people in the hopes of riling Robin's jealousy. I would not do that. I do not think I have the capacity to do something so manipulative. Besides, there is always the chance that it would not work.

I was determined not to let my mood continue for much longer.

After I emerged from the shower and dried my hair, I went up to the roof. I wanted to be sociable, but I missed the morning sun and I was in need of it now. The sun was bright today, and I stretched out on the roof to enjoy it. This would keep me charged for several days if I spent enough time in it.

After a short time, Robin found me there. Part of me was wishing for him to find me, while another part was hoping that he would not. I was smiling and happy when he found me, and that made him relax, too.

"Hey," was all he said, and I rolled on my back and leaned on my elbows to look up at him.

"Greetings, friend," I chirped back, grinning at him.

His face fell blank, which I wondered at, but he sat down at the ledge of the roof, letting his feet dangle over the side and leaning on the heels of his hands. I remained where he was. "Enjoying the sun?" he asked, the worst example of a forced topic of conversation I have ever heard in my life.

But I would not let that deter my good mood. "Indeed. The sun is strong today."

"Hm," he agreed. It wasn't a rude answer to signify that he didn't feel like talking, rather it was an acknowledgement of what I had said. He simply did not have anything to add.

Usually, these silences between us are easy, filled with companionable smiles as we enjoy each other's company without words.

But this was different. Akin, but not the same. It was uneasy. It was the silence between two people who are silent because they feel they must be, not because they wish to be. And I did not like it.

"Robin," I said, at the same time that he said my name. We both winced and continued on to apologize and assure the other that they could speak first, all at the same time so that I could not really focus on what was being said.

"Okay," he said, after we both paused. "I just… What we talked about last night… I've been thinking about it."

Now I sat up all the way, leaning on my palms so that we were the same height. "You have?" I asked, fighting to keep the hope out of my voice.

"Yeah," he answered, and I could tell that he was nervous. He was clenching his jaw shut when he was not speaking. He kept fidgeting also. It was making me nervous. "And, well, I want… I mean… I can't—"

The klaxon of the alarm could be heard underneath us, and Robin glanced down at the floor in surprise. Immediately, any sign that we had been talking—and about something important, too—was erased from his face and his attitude. He was in 'hero-mode', as Beast Boy calls it, but then I guess he always was in hero-mode, or at least ready to go into it.

I was not being careful of my emotions and I allowed myself to become truly disappointed. Robin saw this, and the look he gave me was at once apologetic and confused.

The others burst out onto the roof, ready for Robin to take command, which he did. He flipped open his communicator and the alarm below us stopped. "It's Ice Kate and Kid Kold," Robin announced.

"Kid Flash's friends?" Beast Boy asked with a tilt of his head. "California isn't their usual scene."

"Yeah, but Flash was babysitting the city for us while we were gone. Maybe they were pissed he and Jinx didn't invite them to the party," Cyborg suggested.

"We'll find out when we catch them," Robin said, and it was as good as a command. Beast Boy jumped into the air and shifted into a pterodactyl, Raven levitated behind them, and Robin held out his arm to me. "Give me a lift?"

"Always," I answered solemnly, and once we had a firm grip on each other's wrists—Robin always preferred the trapeze hold—we were off. He directed me to Main Street, which is really only one of Jump's many main streets, and the other Titans followed us. I put Robin down on a roof across from the two criminals, Raven and Cyborg landed quietly behind us, Beast Boy having shifted to a parrot that was perching on Cyborg's shoulder. I hovered in the air, ready to take orders as Robin gave them out.

We had never faced Ice Kate and Kid Kold before, although we did know about them. They lived in Keystone City, the city that the Flash and Kid Flash protect, and it was indeed strange to see them here. Especially since they were dressed in winter clothing, which must have been uncomfortable for them.

"They are aware that the weather is most stifling, are they not?" I whispered, confused by their clothing. I had only seen clothing so oppressive when we went to Russia, and I thought that was cultural differences. It was all so alien to me, even after being here for nearly two years.

"They use freeze rays, Star. It must lower the temperature around them," Robin murmured, watching them for a moment as he thought of a plan.

The boy, Kid Kold, had gingery hair. He sported a hat, goggles, a scarf, a coat, and winter boots he had tucked his pants into. The girl with him, his sister called Ice Kate, was blond with her hair in the tail of ponies, wearing a yellow sweater with a matching skirt and thermal leggings, not to mention brown ice skates that were her trademark. With the blade from her skates, she kicked the window open, the glass glinting in the sun and scattering at their feet like ice.

That was enough for Robin to jump down from the roof, and in a crouch he quipped, "That's not cool."

Kid Kold turned toward us. "It's the Titans, Katie! Run!"

They both reached through the broken window to snatch a few pieces of jewelry that were on display, then they pulled identical white guns from their pockets. They pulled the triggers at the same time, Kid Kold's gun shooting snow out of it, Ice Kate's creating a ramp made of ice, which she jumped onto and skated over.

"Starfire and Beast Boy, you go after Kate. Cyborg, Raven, with me."

It was a logical choice. Beast Boy and I were the best equipped to deal with ice. My body heat negated the freezing effects, and Beast Boy's ability to turn into animals protected him from the cold better than the others.

"Got it!" Beast Boy answered. He jumped off the roof, shape shifting into a penguin as he did so, belly-sliding on the ice ramp. I followed in the air, keeping pace with him.

The ramp wound around several buildings, with Ice Kate always keeping just ahead of us. The ramp ran through a window, which I shot with a starbolt to clear the jagged glass out of Beast Boy's way. The building the ramp wound through was set for destruction, and parts of the floor was missing. The ramp dropped down through the patchy floor, almost vertically, and I noticed that although it continued to the right, there was another ramp that began at another level, visible through another hole in the floor.

"Beast Boy?" I called, stopping in my path to get a better look. He turned to look at me but could not stop himself from continuing on the ice.

Ice Kate tricked us into continuing on this ramp. She must have made this one, then jumped onto the other in order to escape.

Beast Boy realized this too late, and on top of giving us 'the slip', Ice Kate set up this ramp to crash into the wall. Beast Boy hit the wall with a loud thud, and I flew over to him. He changed back into human form, staunching a bloody nose with his fingers.

"Are you the okay?" I asked, helping him.

"Dizzy," he answered nasally. He removed his fingers and blood dripped freely, which made him swear angrily. "You go, I'll catch up."

I nodded and flew over to the new ramp. Robin was correct about the blasters lowering the temperature. I had not noticed, as my biology compensates for lower temperatures by giving off energy that raises the temperature of the air around me—a survival mechanism for in-space flight—but the air around me was indeed colder.

Ice Kate had a head start, but I could see the indentation from the blade of her ice skate. The ramp wound around buildings, until I left the business district and came to one of Jump's dense parks, complete with a small pond and a forest behind that. The ramp touched down to the ground, and I observed the area critically. There was nothing to indicate anyone had been here, except for the weather.

Frost made the grass crunch beneath my feet, and the pond was frozen so quickly that ripples still decorated the surface. My breath turned to fog in front of me, although my skin remained unaffected by the cold. Snow drifted down, sporadic little flakes that seemed to drop out of the air rather than coming from high in the atmosphere like rain, and they drifted slowly to the ground. The cold made everything quieter, although without snow covering the ground, it also made everything look sharper. Grass was frozen into miniature pikes, green leaves hardened until their tips seemed to end in a needle-point.

For some reason, the quiet made my senses kick into overdrive. A rustle of wind through the frozen branches made my pulse jump. This was too strange. It was unnatural.

I was about to call for backup on the communicator, or tell Robin that the girl had escaped into this frozen world, but I noticed two thin lines on the ice on the pond. Two lines like ice skates.

I stepped onto the frozen surface. It was white, like milk, and it took a matter of seconds to convince myself that I would not fall.

I had seen snow, in Russia and on the Citadel, but I always avoided walking on ice. Ice was not found on Tamaran. It was not until I had journeyed to Okaara that I had even heard of it before. My breath hitched in my throat, so I held it. My body weight rocked forward and I squeezed my eyes shut.

Looking back, I do not know why I was so afraid. I could swim, and the cold of the water would not affect me as it would a human. I suppose it was instinct screaming at me to stop. I will never ignore it again.

I floated over to line in the ice, and touched down to observe it, squinting. The pond was not so big, and the line in the ice stopped about halfway across.

Robin would be angry if I returned without Ice Kate, I knew.

"Is everyone from your planet as stupid as you are?"

I snapped my head up. Ice Kate had appeared in front of me, off to the side of the pond, and I swear that she was not there before.

"The Titans will bring you in," I said to her, allowing my eyes to glow. Ice Kate scoffed at me—not the usual reaction to my display of power—and she stretched out her arm, opening her clenched fist.

A metal object rolled onto the ice at my feet, and it began to flash. I knew what that meant. I had seen a number of Robin's devices do the same. Expecting an explosion, I backed away and covered my face with my arms.

The device beeped and split open, what appeared to be claws protruding from it and sinking into the ice. It cracked own the middle, and the cracks splintered around my feet.

I was submerged into the water below me, so innocent looking and blue, reflecting the sky.

It all happened so quickly, too quickly for me to fly. I shouted as my stomach dropped from underneath me. The water was cold. So very cold. My lungs clenched, desperate for a breath, but I refused. I am capable of holding my breath longer than humans can, but I must breathe. In space, my lungs switch off as reaction to the vacuum. But not underwater, they did not. I could not control this reaction—it was completely involuntary—which meant that I could not activate it for use underwater.

The coldness of the water stung at me, my skin screaming, my limbs numb. As I have already explained, Tamaraneans do not get cold. That was my mistake. Tamaraneans almost never get cold is more accurate. Sudden changes like this throw us. Our metabolism cannot keep up. So for a few agonizing seconds that seemed like hours, I had a human reaction. My heart hammered in my chest, and everything went very quiet, the sloshing water around me the only sound in the world. Then, as I was fighting to stay calm, I felt it. Heat from my chest, radiating out to my fingers. It hurt, the sudden warmth, and I curled my fingers into my palms to warm them more quickly. I kicked off the bottom of the sand, propelling myself to the surface.

My hand met thick ice.

I snapped my eyes open. I could make out the blonde girl above me, waving at me before spinning around and going off. She had trapped me.

Panic enveloped me like a blanket. I was so terrified that I was blinded for a moment. There was only the coldness, which was gone now but lingered so close, and the ice above me. I clawed at the ice and pain shot through my arms, my fingers scratched by the unforgiving ice above.

The pain jarred me into clear-mindedness. Gathering a starbolt was harder under water, but I could still do it. Heat gathered in my fingertips, but a starbolt would not spark. I pressed by palm against the ice, which melted under my touch. Too slow. It would not be enough. My hand broke through and I brought my fist down with as much strength as I could muster. The ice splintered and I turned upside down, kicking with both feet. A deafening crack, sounding odd and even louder than usual under the water, and my feet broke through. I flipped over and flew out, waterlogged and breathless.

The air was cold on my skin, and I was shocked again by intense cold. My energy was fading. Using it all at once tired me. Luckily, because I sunbathed earlier, it would restore quickly. I needed to rest for a few moments.

I wrapped my arms around myself and kneeled on the ice, shivering. I would become warm once my energy came back.

"Star! Star, are you okay?" Beast Boy was crouching in front of me, his hands on my shoulders making me look at him.

"Th-the Ice Kate has g-gone-!" I tried to explain, shivering so hard my teeth clacked together even as I spoke.

"Into the woods, I saw. Gotta make sure you're okay first."

"S-simply cold. Pursue the v-villain!" I urged, nodding in the direction he ran. "I will d-do the catching up."

"Okay. Stay here. Get warm. Be right back." He shifted into a sabre-toothed cat and bounded off, determined. I tucked my head into my knees and hunched my shoulders. After a few minutes, I began to warm up slowly. Snow was falling freely, now, and it covered much of the ground in this park. Beast Boy's paw prints were covered and I was unsure of exactly which direction he had taken.

"Greetings, Tamranean."

I snapped my head up to see who had surprised me this time.

A man—or, more likely, a teenager or young adult, judging by voice—stood before me. The reason the age was hard to pin down was because every inch of him was covered. He wore a type of winter hat that covered the entire head except the eyes, called a balaclava, and he wore very dark sunglasses over his eyes. Gardening gloves covered his hands and a military-style jacket covered his torso, the collar flipped up so that even his neck was covered. Black pants and thick boots completed his bizarre outfit. Worryingly, a large strap crossed around his front, akin to Speedy's quiver, and I could not see what was holstered behind him.

"Greetings, friend," I said warily, rising.

"I am _not_ your friend," he spat, his voice clear in spite of the balaclava. It gave me the flesh of geese, even though I was now warm. His voice was clear and silky, like water. Like ice water.

"I have no quarrel with you," I answered, confused.

"That makes one of us." His tone was very matter of fact.

I felt my eyes widen. I had never experienced this type of hostility from a human, from a civilian, no less. "I only wish to help."

He ignored me. "Aliens," he bit out, as though the word tasted bad as it formed in his mouth. "Everywhere. There are so many. You fooled so many people into thinking you're on our side."

"I am on no one's side!" I protested, confused. His attitude was puzzling, but I was unsure of how to handle it. I wondered what Robin might do.

"Shut up," he growled. "You and Superman and Martian Manhunter…"

Suddenly, I felt very afraid. "Please. I do not wish to—"

"Tamaraneans are the worst of them. Troqs like you. Such a bloodthirsty race. Good for nothing but heavy lifting. That's probably why the Gordanians wanted you so badly."

That made my blood run cold and my stomach twist. I fought to hold in a gasp. How could a normal civilian know such things? "Who are you?"

"Call me Crux. Are you surprised, little Troq? I did my research. I had to, to protect my fellow humans. To think that they're letting an alien—" Again, the tone was nothing short of disgusted. "—live in this city without doing a thorough background check. I know all about you, Princess Koriand'r." He unloaded the weapon from its holster. It was a large ray gun, so familiar looking, and it was almost as tall as he was.

I narrowed my eyes at him, fear running through me but indignation overpowering it. "I have caused no harm here. My goal is to help humans live a happy and safe life here. Put down your weapon, Crux."

He smiled at me, I could tell by the odd way his mask folded. Instead of complying, he threw the butt of the weapon over his shoulder and aimed it at me. "You don't know what this is, do you, my stupid, little alien?"

"Put. The weapon. Down," I repeated, using the same tone of voice Robin sometimes did. I narrowed my eyes and allowed them to glow, lighting a starbolt and raising it to my chest.

"Of course. Reverting to your natural, violent nature." He patted the gun fondly. "Your solar energy won't harm this, girl. It's Tamaranean technology."

That was why it looked familiar. I was so startled that my starbolt flicked out. "Tamaranean technology?" It was true. My starbolts would not harm it. Our weapons are made to absorb solar power that has been processed through the body of a Tamaranean. "How did you acquire it?"

"A Tamaranean ship crash-landed on my property when I was a little boy. It killed my parents." His voice was even, but I could hear the current of anger pulling at it.

"X'hal," I murmured. "I am so sorry. Killing me will not change matters, however."

"Idiot," he hissed. "I'm not going to kill you, not yet. I have to save you first."

I charged another starbolt. I did not want to hurt him, but I could not simply allow him to hurt me. "If you simply allow me to leave, I will not harm you."

"You're not going anywhere." The gun whirred and lit up. There was no question of its origin. It was undeniably Tamaranean. The glow was similar to my starbolts.

I lifted into the air, holding out my hands in a gesture of surrender.

"This is a transsubstantiator ray," he said softly, like he was whispering a secret he cherished very much.

"No," I murmured, dropping in my ascent before recovering.

"Yes," he answered.

My eyes lit up. I was angry now. "No!" I shouted back. I fired a volley of starbolts at him, but he turned the gun sideways to block them.

He fired a shot at me. Purple light, identical to Blackfire's, shot out of the gun. I dodged it, a little frantic.

"Starfire!"

Not now. I could not be torn between Robin's presence and dodging the blasts from that gun. I did not acknowledge his presence, as I was in the middle of ducking from a new shower of blasts.

I aimed a starbolt at Crux, trying not to hit the transsubstantiator ray. My shot landed on his shoulder and knocked him back. As he was in the middle of shooting, the ray shot right at Robin. I felt my eyes bulge in fear and I froze, gasping.

The ray continued through him as though he was not there. I was not sure what it would do to a human. It did not appear to have any negative effects.

The gun was losing power. If I could only hold out for a few short minutes longer, I could get close enough to detain him.

Robin tackled Crux and they rolled on the snow that had accumulated, the area still frozen and apparently getting colder. They grappled with each other, and I allowed the energy from a charged starbolt to fade back into my hand. Robin was blocking my view of the gun. I could not tell where it was about to shoot, which a disadvantage as it passed through him. Crux used the butt of the gun to knock Robin in the stomach, and the jerky movement put me in its path.

It is strangely calming when it is so certain what your fate will be. I closed my eyes even as I attempted to duck under the blast. There was not chance that I could escape.

The pain that hit me was so intense, it was as though my blood had turned to ash.

I could not see. I could not move. I could not see.

I was falling, but I could hardly feel it. I suppose I must have fallen in snow. My landing jolted me around, although it did not bring about new pain. It merely shook up and dispersed what was already there, like the globes of snow.

After the pain ebbed away, I felt cold. Colder than before. I shook, and the shaking agitated the pain. I could not make myself stop shaking. I tried to move my arms to wrap myself in my own warmth, but I could not move them. I was very aware of the ground, cold and unforgiving beneath me, but it also felt like I was floating in a vast sea, where the water was all around me yet I could not drown. I curled into myself, my forehead touching my knees, and the sea swallowed me up again. High pitched buzzing filled my ears, and I attempted to open my eyes but all I saw was white, so bright it stung my eyes, and my own hair. Perhaps I really was floating. Perhaps I was dying.

"Starfire!" I heard, so far away, over the din of the buzzing in my ears. "Star!"

I was half lifted, I think I was meant to be sitting. I had no strength. I attempted to return to a laying position, as this position hurt my head. It hurt everything. I felt myself whimper more than I heard it, air pushed up from lungs, air that I needed, the sound grating against my throat and echoing through my sore head.

"Starfire. Talk to me. Come on."

Little points of warmth against my cold skin. Too warm. It burned. Touching me all over, on my neck to make me lift my head, on my shoulders, on my back, on my cheeks.

"Stop," I whimpered, the words like sandpaper on my tongue. "Hurts."

The points of warmth froze, one on my back, one on my arm. Somehow, it made me colder than I was before.

I wanted to speak, wanted to stand up, wanted to run. But all I could do was whisper over and over to myself,

"It's okay, Star, it's me. I'm here."

I was forced back against the warmth, but this time it was a solid form instead of several small points, and it did not move or jostle me. I curled against it, taking refuge from the cold and the pain.

A familiar rustling of material and something was covering me. A crackling noise and my closed eye were filled with the red glow of light. Delicious heat danced over my skin. I wanted to move closer to the heat, but that solid form would not allow me to move.

Time is so fluid, going quickly when we wish for it to go slowly, going slowly when we wish for it to go quickly, sometimes seeming to suspend itself.

It was suspended as I lay against that solid form, struggling to become more aware of myself and what was going on around me. I flexed my fingers. I furrowed my brow. Little movements to remind myself that I was still alive.

"Where am I?" I murmured against the solid form, which I had realized was a person.

Gloved fingers brushed over my face. "It's okay. You're in Jump."

It was Robin. Usually he was jumpy about how much he touched me and when and where and for how long, but now he was clutching me against him and we had to have been like this for a few minutes, at least. Something terrible must have happened to me.

"Why is it cold?" I asked, not attempting to move.

His fingers tightened around my shoulder. "You don't remember?"

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. "I…"

"Star, look at me." Gently, he tilted my head. "Open your eyes."

It took me a few seconds, but I did. Robin was holding me. He had pulled me up so my legs were over one of his and my head was against his shoulder. My body was situated between his knees. My head was tucked under his chin, although he had just pushed me away so that I would look at him. His cape was thrown over my shoulders. In front of him was one of his discs, lit on fire. He was using it to warm me, but I was still so cold.

"Tell me what you remember," he said, and it was clearly an order.

I was somewhat distracted by being so close to Robin. I wanted to curl into him. The cape was not enough to make me warm. "We were chasing the Kid Kold and Ice Kate," I managed finally.

"Yeah. Where's Beast Boy? He was supposed to stay with you."

I raised my eyes to his. He was angry, I could tell. "It is not his fault. It is mine. I allowed the Ice Kate to trick me and I fell into the pond. She froze it over me. I needed to use too much energy to get out and I told him to pursue Ice Kate without me."

Robin stayed quiet, looking sulky.

"And then there was a man… Crux… and he had a…" I froze as it came back to me. I sat up, my head fogging as a reeled a little from the sudden movement, and I dug my fingers into Robin's arm.

"What? Starfire?" he called, his voice urgent and concerned. "Star?"

I buried my head into his chest and cried. I hate crying openly, but I couldn't help it. I had lost everything. I cried loudly, my tears hot on my frozen cheeks.

He tried to pull me off but I would not allow him to do that. "It's okay Starfire, just tell me what—"

"It is not okay," I wept against him, shaking my head. "It will never be okay. All is lost."

There was a pause. "Star, you're scaring me." He tried to push me off his chest but I held onto him. I did not want him to see my face while I was like this. I was not ready for anyone to see me like this.

Robin put one arm around my shoulders and took his communicator in his other hand. "Raven. Did you round up those two yet?"

"We got Kid Kold. Ice Kate's missing. Cyborg's at the Police Department now. …Is that Starfire?" Raven asked, indicating my loud sobs.

"Yeah. She won't talk to me. I can't… I need your help."

Raven's raven cry sounded and she appeared next to us. "What's wrong?" she demanded.

I felt Robin shake his head at her. Raven took my hands, prying them away from Robin's shirt, and she pulled me toward her.

"Starfire," she called, shaking me a little. "It's me. Hey." I blinked at her and grabbed her cloak, burying my face into it. I could not speak right now. My friends deserved an explanation, but I deserve time to give it.

Raven put her fingertips on my temples and chanted softly. Coldness rushed through me, which was most unpleasant as I was already very cold. My sobs quieted down to frantic hiccups, although my tears continued falling. Without the distraction of crying, I became even more cold and began to shiver.

"Raven," I whimpered, feeling pathetic, "it is cold. So cold."

"You're sitting in snow," she answered.

"I cannot become warm," I told her and hiccupped as my tears came even faster.

Raven narrowed her eyes at me analytically and turned to Robin. "Something's wrong."

"Yeah, I got that."

"No. I mean physiologically. Her body temperature's too low."

I refused to look at him, but I could feel Robin looking at me. "We'd better get her home."

"I'll teleport her. You'd better go to the Police station and tell Beast Boy she's alright."

"Actually, do you mind if I stay with her?"

"No. I think she'd like that."

It was aggravating that they were talking about me as though I was not even there. However, I suppose that I was not being very helpful in terms of what I needed or wanted, and I was too exhausted to care much.

Robin picked up his burning disc and tossed it into the pond where the ice had cracked. Raven teleported us to the Tower and eased me onto the couch.

"Should I take her to the medical bay?" Robin asked.

Raven nodded. "I'll be back before too long." She disappeared into the ground.

We were alone, and I had just embarrassed myself in front of two of my friends. And I was clinging to Robin on top of embarrassing myself.

"Starfire," Robin murmured, brushing my hair out of my face, looking apologetic. He took my hand and pulled me up to my feet.

"I apologize," I muttered, looking at my feet.

"What for?"

I fidgeted uncomfortably. "For crying on you."

"It's okay." He blushed a little but I chose to ignore that. We were both quiet for a few seconds, then he asked, "Can you tell me what happened?"

I swallowed and fresh tears pooled in my eyes.

"It's okay, Starfire. Please don't cry." His closed his hand around mine.

I blinked to clear the tears. "He turned me into a human," I whispered, my words pushing my tears over the brim.

He raised an eyebrow at me, his mask following. "What do you mean."

"My powers, Robin. They are gone."

"What?" he demanded, bewildered.

"He hit me with a transsubstantiator ray," I explained.

"A transsub—" He stopped and stared at me. "Who was it?"

I shook my head, tears spilling down my cheeks. I wiped at them, angry with myself for crying so much. "I do not know. He called himself Crux. I thought you—?"

"I tried to catch him, but then you fell and I had to make sure you were okay. I let him escape." I could hear the self-loathing in his voice.

I coughed in an attempt to clear my throat. "I do not have the ability to generate heat any longer. Dressed as I am, and still wet from falling into the pond, I do not think it would have been safe for you to leave me in pursuit of Crux."

He sighed violently. "I guess you're right."

I clutched his cape, which was still thrown around my shoulders.

"You still cold?"

"A little. I do not think I shall ever be truly warm again," I confessed, looking at the ground.

Robin squeezed my fingers. "It'll be okay. We'll get your powers back."

I furrowed my eyebrows at him and let him lead me to the medical bay. I knew it would not be that simple. There was no reversal for transsubstantiation.

…**Oops? **

**That's all the inspiration I got from Red Hood and the Outlaws issues 4 and 5. Transsubstantiator is not mine, it's the comic's, although I did put it in ray form. Starfire losing her powers is not really mine, although I plan to expand on it. In the comics, they solve this really quickly, and I think it was a cop out. I will not be solving it the same way it's solved in the comics, if at all in this fic.**

**Also, I hope you appreciate this chapter. My D key was sticking the WHOLE TIME I was writing this chapter. It was FINE and then… stick. 'Oh, that's not a big deal,' you might be saying to yourself now, 'the letter D isn't even in that many things.' You are WRONG because I am writing using PAST TENSE and ALL REGULAR VERBS and SEVERAL IRREGULAR VERBS use the letter D. Hopefully it stops sticking soon or I might give up typing. **

**Teaser:**

You don't have to be human. You should just be you."

The tears spilled over now. Robin must be uncomfortable. Humans do not appreciate strong displays of emotion the way Tamaraneans do. I was off to a poor start. "I cannot. I am… alien. Different." I squeezed my eyes shut and wiped at them. "Wrong."

Robin put a hand on my shoulder and I opened my eyes, slowly to control the brimming tears. "Who said that?" he asked, a growl in his voice.

"Crux."

Robin pulled me against him. I was glad, and I wrapped my arms around him. He was an anchor, keeping me from getting too swept up in grief or fear or any of the many things I was feeling now.


	3. Star-Crossed

**Well, I'm updating, so I guess that means I haven't given up typing. My 'D' key is still being stupid, so excuse typos, please.**

**Chapter 3 – Star-crossed**

I sat rigidly on the cot in the medical bay, Robin fidgeting with a digital thermometer. He held the thermometer in one hand in the other he held the box it came in, reading it with a furrowed brow.

Raven appeared, rising up from the floor, and Cyborg and Beast Boy were deposited in front of her. She took the thermometer from Robin and swiped it across my forehead. It beeped and she tilted it toward herself. "Ninety-eight six," she murmured, baffled. She looked at me, then at Robin, who met her gaze gravely.

"See, li'l lady, yer doin' alright!" Cyborg told me encouragingly.

He did not mean any harm, but I could not even muster a grateful smile. I looked down at the ground without speaking.

"That's a normal temperature for Starfire," Raven told him tightly.

Cyborg frowned. "Oh. It's not?"

"No," Robin answered, crossing his arms.

"Then what is?"

"One-ten," Raven answered, and she turned to me. She fussed with a few instruments—a blood pressure cuff, a stethoscope, and others I could not name. When she had finished her examination, she turned to Robin. "Nothing's right. Everything's normal. She could walk into any doctor's office and they would take her measurements without blinking. Well, except for height and eye color."

"What happened to her?" Beast Boy asked, his voice quiet and concerned.

Robin looked at me, the first time my presence had been acknowledged as something other than the subject of an examination since he brought me in here. "She was hit with a transsubstantiatior ray," he informed Beast Boy, and I let my eyes drop again.

"A what now?"

"Transubstantiation. It's a change. Changing one thing into another thing," Raven explained patiently.

Beast Boy's ears drooped, and he asked, "Well… What'd she get changed into?"

There was a small silence, then Raven began, "She got changed into a—"

I snapped my chin up, tired of their talking as though I was not even there. "I am human. If you are all through speaking about me as though I were not even in the room, I am allowing myself to leave." I hopped off the table and began walking to the door, ignoring all of my friends.

"Oh, Starfire," Robin murmured, apologetic. "Don't—"

I whirled on him and I could feel my damp hair spinning out around me. "Please, Robin." I meant to scold him, but my voice came out tight and shaky. I would not cry again, not until I had gone to my room.

He seemed to understand. Stepping back, he fixed me with a worried look.

I exited the room, although when he mistakenly thought I was out of earshot, I heard Beast Boy ask, "Is she still gonna like drinking mustard and stuff?"

As I fled to my room, I shook my head. Beast Boy meant well, but he did not understand. I was not _really_ turned into a human. My powers and my natural Tamaranean abilities had been taken away. I could no longer command the power of the sun. My strength was depleted. My flight crippled. Tears brimmed in my eyes but I gulped away the knot in my throat and blinked them back. I had cried enough today.

I approached my door and keyed in my code to open it. I did not bother to turn on the light, even though the sun was beginning to set and it would be dark soon. My bed was comforting, and as I curled up in it I found that I was too distracted to cry. There were so many questions. Who was Crux? That was the most pressing right now. How did he obtain a transsubstantiatior ray? He mentioned that a Tamaranean ship crashed on his property. Possibly, he obtained it from that, although transsubstantiators were only carried by my people in the presence of a dangerous prisoner.

Transsubstantiator rays are meant as a defensive device, not an offensive one as Crux used it. On Earth, there is the death penalty. Euthanasia, I believe, although the practice has been carried out in the form of electrical shots, execution by gunshot, and hanging. We Tamaraneans are warriors, and violent when we fight, but humans are the only civilized race that takes so much joy in killing their own, and they do so in such creative ways.

Tamaraneans do not observe the death penalty. If a criminal is so violent or bad-natured that they cannot be controlled with ordinary means, a transsubstantiatior ray takes away their powers. These people can be reintroduced to society safely, although there are social ramifications to losing a Tamaranean's natural abilities.

There was a knock at my door. "Star?"

That was Robin. I thought he understood that I wished to be left alone? I did not answer, hoping that he would assume I was slumbering.

"Starfire, it's me. I'm gonna come in." There was a little space of silence, during which he was expecting an answer from me, and then I heard the beeps of Robin entering his own code into the door.

I stayed quiet and unmoving, still hoping that he would leave.

"Starfire?" he asked quietly. "You asleep?"

He must know that I was not, however, because when I did not answer, he crouched next to my bed so that he was eye-level with me. He put his hand on the edge of my mattress. "Starfire?"

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, and he must have seen. "Come on," he soothed. "Don't lock yourself away like this."

I turned my head to look at him. His face was so close. Perhaps I should have been focusing on other parts of his face, but all I could look at was his eyes. He was close enough for me to peer into his mask at his eyes. Almost close enough. He gulped, made uncomfortable by my peering, and he shifted his weight a little.

"Um… sorry… about that. Back there. We didn't mean to talk over you. We just didn't think you were up to explaining everything."

I shrank back into my bed a little. I did not wish to talk, but Robin seemed insistent. Truthfully, he and Raven did not offend me, nor did Cyborg and Beast Boy's ignorance. None of this was their fault. "I know nothing," I blurted.

"No," Robin said quickly, "it's not that we think you don't know anything, we just wanted to make it—"

"You misunderstand," I said, pushing myself into a sitting position. "I truly know nothing."

He was looking up at me know, but he did not move. "Aw, come on, Star. That's not true. You know lots of stuff. You know all the elements on the periodic table in order. And lots that aren't on there. In dozens of languages."

"Hundreds," I corrected him dully. I tucked my hair, which was still wet, behind my ear. "I did not mean that I do not know facts. I know many facts. I do not know idiosyncrasies."

"Idiosyncrasies?" he echoed.

I sighed and wished to stretch out on my bed again and burrow in the covers. Robin frowned, worried, and he sat on the bed next to me. That did not help, as I now found myself wishing to lean against him. "What do you mean, idiosyncrasies?" he asked, encouraging me to speak.

I felt hollow as I explained. "I know nothing of human idiosyncrasies. How am I to become one?" Tears bubbled up to my eyes, and I bit my lip in an attempt to remain calm.

Robin was looking at me, eyes wide and unsure. He curled one hand into a fist. "You don't have to become a human, Star."

"I do now," I murmured, blinking rapidly to dispel the tears.

"No. You don't have to be human. You should just be you."

The tears spilled over now. Robin must be uncomfortable. Humans do not appreciate strong displays of emotion the way Tamaraneans do. I was off to a poor start. "I cannot. I am… alien. Different." I squeezed my eyes shut and wiped at them. "Wrong."

Robin put a hand on my shoulder and I opened my eyes, slowly to control the brimming tears. "Who said that?" he asked, a growl in his voice.

"Crux."

Robin pulled me against him. I was glad, and I wrapped my arms around him. He was an anchor, keeping me from getting too swept up in grief or fear or any of the many things I was feeling now. I did not need to worry about crushing him, which was a change.

"Star," he said softly, his chin at the top of my head, "don't you remember Val-Yor? Some people are just… like that. It's not your fault that they have a problem."

"That was different," I told him, my voice muffled against his chest. "He was another alien. He was not from Jump, the city that I risk my life daily in order to protect."

He pushed me away from him so that I could see his face. He was frowning, so severe. "He's wrong, Star."

I was tired. I pushed away from him, not even crying anymore. "Please, Robin. Leave me. I wish to wallow in my own confusion and sadness."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "I'm not gonna leave you."

I flopped down on my bed, with my head at the pillows, and I turned away from him. To my surprise, Robin stretched out next to me, defiantly, lying on his back. "I mean it. I'm not leaving."

Robin was in my bed. Next to me. He was being unfair, and I doubt he even realized it. "I've never had to deal with discrimination," he said slowly. "Maybe people looked down on me because I was in the circus. I don't know; I was too young then to really notice." I froze. Robin _never_ spoke about his past. Again, he didn't seem to notice he'd done anything odd. "Maybe you'd be better off talking to Cyborg about this. He's been where you are now."

I rolled onto my back so I could see him. "Cyborg has never been in my bed," I told him quickly.

"Ah… no. I mean, emotionally. He's been in the same situation as you."

"Because he is robotic."

"No. Well, yeah, but I meant before then. Because of his skin color."

I sat up, confused, and looked down at him. "His skin color?" I asked curiously.

"Yeah."

"What is wrong with his skin color?"

"Nothing. But, well, if you've ever noticed, his skin is darker than mine."

I pondered that. It was, I supposed, but Raven's skin color was ashen, and Beast Boy's was green. I knew that Beast Boy's skin tone was because of an affliction—a virus—but no one seemed to make a big deal out of that. "I suppose," I allowed, "but Beast Boy is green."

"That's a little different. Cyborg would have been discriminated against because of his ethnicity."

"That is ridiculous," I concluded, not fully understanding. "Cyborg is human, the same as you are."

"Exactly. And it's stupid that someone would think that he's inferior because of something as superficial as skin color."

I thought this over for a moment. Humans were odd. Never had I gone to a planet where members of the same species hated each other the way the humans did. There were species native to the same planet that hated each other, and there were species native to different planets who warred for petty reasons, but humanity was so split. They did not fight over land, food was plentiful, at least in this part of the Earth, and there was no legend or deity that mandated that they must fight. So why hate so freely?

And, of course, if they hated each other so freely, they must hate her even more. "No wonder I am hated. If people are not willing to accept others of the same species, then what hope is there for me?"

"No! Star, that wasn't the point." Robin sat up and snatched both my hands, trying to convey something that he felt he failed to convey with his words. "Some people won't accept anyone who's different at all. Even someone as amazing as you." As the words came out of his mouth, I could tell he regretted them. He blushed fiercely and dropped my hands.

I could not think about all this now. I would think about that last part at a later time. "The people of Earth accepting me is only part of the problem. Robin, Crux took away my identity."

I had been avoiding thinking of this, but with Robin here, I felt stronger—even if, in truth, I was weaker now than I had ever been before—and I decided to face all the facts now. "My people will not want me the way I am now. I am weak." I closed my eyes, as I could feel tears rising once again. "I am useless."

"You're not useless," he said sternly.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them. "I am, Robin. My starbolts… my strength… even my flight." I took a deep breath to quell the sob that I could feel working its way into my throat. "I have nothing."

"You have us, Star." He paused, then he touched my fingers with his. "You have me."

His words comforted me greatly, and I was able to keep control of myself. "Robin, I cannot go back to Tamaran like this," I explained.

"Why? I mean, are you embarrassed? It's not your fault, they'd see that."

"No, Robin. I mean that I cannot. I am unable to. A Tamaran who has been transsubstantiated is cursed."

"Cursed?" he echoed, alarmed.

A small smile tugged at my cheeks. I forget how much humans do not know of Tamaranean culture, even though it must be about as much as I do not know about theirs. It was nice to be the one explaining to Robin, for a change.

"Not a true curse. It is a myth. …I believe. Of course, you can see how the loss of natural abilities could lead to the legend of a curse. Being transsubstantiated makes a Tamaranean weaker and more susceptible to broken bones, and as you have witnessed, cold. My people believe it also makes them… unlucky."

"That's ridiculous," Robin insisted. "You're not unlucky."

"There are other problems," I told him patiently. "Robin, Tamaraneans are warriors. We are known for our flight and our strength. I now have neither." Sadness spiked through me, but the fact that Robin would not understand unless I finished my explanation helped me ignore it. "How would it look if the leader of the warrior planet was… like me?"

"I thought Galfore was ruler."

"He is Grand Ruler. He commands the army and he confers with the main ruling family—my family—for politics. My word is as important as his. I am supposed to represent the planet's needs—the economy, largely, and other political necessities—and Galfore is meant to represent the will of the people. Thus, we confer and compromise for the optimal rule. Galfore has been tending to many of my duties in my absence. My point, Robin, is that if I go back to Tamaran in my current condition, it will become known that Tamaran's princess has been transsubstantiated. And this will cause many problems." I rubbed my forehead. There were, quite literally, light years between me and my problems, but they weighed heavily on my conscience.

If I went back to Tamaran, it is very possible that the people would riot. Having a leader that was weak did not represent the planet well, and if other planets did not see my weakness as an opportunity and attack us, my people would rebel against my rule.

It was an awful situation.

"Robin," I said desperately, and he looked alarmed. "I can never go back."

"But, Star, you could—"

"Robin," I said again, unable to control myself. My voice rose in pitch and it was coming out tight, through a lump in my throat. "I can never go back."

"Starfire, it's okay, we can—"

I leaped off my bed and headed for my doors, my throat closing and my breath coming out in short, shallow gasps.

Robin placed himself between me and the doors, moving faster than I ever could without flight. "Starfire, calm down."

I shook my head and reach my arms out. I do not know if I intended to push him out of the way or grab him by the shoulders and shake him or if I just needed contact. "I cannot… Never… My home…"

He clutched both my hands and yanked me, one strong tug, and I was against him. It was the kind of proximity that I had seen on movies, the setting up for a kiss. I was indeed very close to him, and it was rather like a movie, except that in movies girls are taller than boys. But I am sure that neither of us was thinking of kissing. As easy as it would be to initiate, I was in a near-panic and Robin was both bewildered by my behavior and trying to calm me.

"Starfire, look at me."

"No, Robin, release me, I must go…"

"Go where, Star? Just calm down for a minute."

He did have a very good point. I do not know where I was planning on going. Suddenly, my room felt too crushing, too closed. I jerked my arms, but Robin did not let go. That made me panic even more. I did not have the strength to simply pull my way out of his grasp. "P-please," I stuttered.

Of course, Robin did not know what was going on in my head and he did not let go. "It's okay. Just relax. Come on."

My legs collapsed underneath me. It is rather embarrassing, and I am not sure if it was because I was panicking or if it was because I somehow thought that Robin would release me. In any case, he did not release me, and he was crouching as I sat, and tears were pricking at my eyes.

"It's okay, Star," Robin said softly.

"Oh, Robin, I fear it will never be okay again," I answered miserably.

His finger slipped underneath my chin and he made me lift my head and look at him. "It will."

And the way he said it, the way he sounded so certain and his face was so determined, I almost believed him. It was enough to make my throat unclench and rational thought return. I blinked at him, feeling somewhat dazed. "I… Robin, I apologize."

He dropped his hand, which was still on my face until that point. "Don't. I can't… I can't say I really understand what's going on, here. But I'm going to help you through it."

That made tears swim in my eyes again, but for a different reason than all the other times today. "Th-thank you," I mumbled. "That is very kind of you."

He simply smiled, an adorable smile meant to reassure me, and I think that he was also pleased that I said that to him. He finally released my wrists and I hugged him. "I am frightened," I murmured.

His arms tightened around me. "Don't be scared. We'll figure it out."

I wanted to believe him so much.

When I finally convinced him that I was emotionally stable, that I was not going to run off anywhere or do anything rash, Robin left so that I could sleep, and indeed I was exhausted. As exhausted as I was, I could only watch the numbers on my clock click higher and higher, until they read 0:00, and the struggle to reach 24:00 began again. I was reminded of the Earth myth of Tantalus, whose punishment in Hell was to push a boulder up the side of a hill with the goal of putting it at the crest, but when he would push it into place he would find himself at the bottom once more.

My thoughts were too macabre, my mind too distracted. Although my body cried for rest, my mind was racing. At the clock of three, I pushed the blankets away from me and wandered up to the roof. Now that I was not generating heat, I was cold in my pajamas. The night air was brisk. I never realized that before.

I had become very good at spotting Vega in the sky. It was September, and I was in California on Earth, which meant that Vega was right in the zenith. I stood on the ledge of the roof, looking up at it. I had not been to my home planet in ages, and I had not even felt the desire to go there in a very long time, but now that I could not go, I felt drawn to it.

I looked down. I was not afraid of heights. For humans, being afraid of heights was natural. Well, not for Robin. He told me once that he practically learned to walk on a tightrope. Now that I had lost the ability to fly, a fear of height had not kicked in. I could see why people were afraid. There was so much space between where I stood and the edge. A free fall would surely end in… something unpleasant. The water beneath me swirled, and rocks poked out of it. I had never noticed that before.

Humans were so fragile, and now, for all intents and purposes, I was one. In all but appearance, which was, as Robin explained, what mattered.

"What are you doing?"

Robin had snuck up on me. I do not know how. I was being very quiet. I hoped I did not wake him up.

"Nothing."

He was looking at my proximity to the edge of the roof. I knew what he was thinking, although it was not true.

"I was not contemplating jumping. I was looking at the stars. At Vega."

"Which one is that?" He came to stand next to me. I do not know if he was really interested or if he just wanted me to come away from the edge.

I had shown him before, but he could not be expected to remember. To him, it looked like any other star.

Robin and I talked for a little while. I told him about Kirna and Rashashoon and the Citadel. I did not feel like talking about my past specifically, so I only told him general things, like that the Citadel was always covered in snow, and that it had rings, like Saturn, except that the rocks that made up the rings was so thick that the Citadelians had colonized them.

Robin pointed out constellations to me. Humans are confusing and at times, frightening, but they are so wondrous, as well. On Tamaran, we do not organize stars into whimsical pictures and build mythology around them. We simply see them as what they are. We are taught their names, their chemical composition, their age. We know their names in Tamaranean and in the language of the people native to that star system, if they differ. We travel to many. But we do not make pictures with them.

I began to become tired, and I am sure that I fell asleep on the roof, looking up at the stars with Robin.

Yet the next day I awoke in my bed.

**This chapter was a little shorter. Sorry. It kind of just wanted to end there.**

**I usually make an outline. I had a pretty good one for Reach and it helped a lot. I had one for my three other multi-chapter stories. They helped a lot and made writing easy. This fic, I don't know, I can't do it. That's okay, because I pretty much know what I want to accomplish and how I want to do it. But when I tried to do a real chapter-by-chapter outline, I couldn't. It got very jumbled. Therefore, I'm sort of winging it. The chapters will end when they want to end. This chapter was 3900 words long, but that's close enough to 4000 for me. With Reach, it was easier to write longer chapters because the chapters were based on episodes. This isn't like that. (By the way, sorry for referencing Reach so much if you haven't read it. I just finished writing that a few days ago at the time I'm writing this, so I'm still transitioning.) The chapters will become more consistent in length soon. I'm still setting up for interesting, actiony plot.**

**The whole 'transsubstantiators are used on prisoners' gambit is my idea. There is no explanation as to why the hell the Tamaraneans have a device that takes away their own powers. Originally, I didn't explain this in the third person draft of this fic, but being in Starfire's head kind of calls for it. Using it on prisoners is the only reason I could think of to have it at all. **

**Well, I certainly upped the angst this chapter. In the original version, I had Robin and Starfire talk about Starfire's past for, like, half of the chapter. But that's boring, and if you've done any research at all, you already know it. I prefer this much more.**

**I'm trying to ease in the Tamaranean background information. It's kind of tough, as a lot of it is my headcanon and I don't know how well I'm explaining it. **

**One last thing. Transubstantiation is a thing, as Raven has explained. If you're knowledgeable about Catholicism, I'm reasonably sure that when the priest changes the host and wine to the body and blood of Christ or whatever, that's called transubstantiation. (Not trying to beat you with religion if you're not into that, just giving a little background info.) I have no idea why RHATO decided to use two 'S'es, and it's a pain because Microsoft keeps autocorrecting. I'm keeping it, though, as a nod to the comics.**

I crossed my arms over my chest, huffing. "Pardon me?"

He did not answer me and he began attempting to walk around me. I allowed him to pass by, but then I yanked on his cape to halt him.

He put his hands up to his throat and made a gurgling noise. "Hey!"

"I will be joining you," I informed him.

"Um. No, you won't," he answered, rubbing his throat above his collar bone.

"I was not asking."

"I wasn't _asking_ you to stay, either. That was an order."

"Then we have the problem, do we not?"

**(Okay so as teasers go this is not very informative but this is one of my favorite moments for them I have written so far for this fic.)**


	4. Doctor Light

**I think my 'D' key is loosening up from being stuck! It still occasionally behaves badly, but it isn't as rebellious as it was. Still, bear with me for D related typos. **

**Chapter 4 – Doctor Light**

I had slept in.

I understand that this is a normal occurrence. Beast Boy has done it on a number of occasions, and even Raven has expressed her desire to do so, although I cannot recall a time that she had been significantly late to rise. Cyborg had never done it, but his sleep cycle was different than a normal human's and I suspect that it is shorter. Robin had never done so, either, but I believe he was used to getting the very minimum amount of required sleep, and sometimes none at all.

I had never had the desire to do so. Tamaranean physiology is dependent on the sun. A natural urge to wake upon its rising had me up at sunrise, or at least while the sun was rising, from the time that I was very small.

Waking to my room flooded with sunlight, and even a desire to cover my head with my blanket, was completely new.

I showered and dressed, then joined my friends in the ops room. Cyborg was still cooking, Beast Boy was already playing video games, and Raven was drinking herbal tea. "Greetings," I said as I walked into the room, and they all turned to look at me, even Beast Boy, although this resulted in his car crashing in the game he was playing.

"Hey, Star!" Cyborg greeted me with a wide smile. "How ya feelin'?"

"The okay, I suppose."

"Ya hungry?"

Truthfully, I was not. I still had nine stomachs, but now that I no longer had my powers, I had no reason to keep them full as I did before. But Cyborg had prepared the scrambled eggs for me. I took the plate and squirted mustard on them, as I always did.

"How did you sleep?" Raven asked as I slid onto the booth-type of seat around our table next to her.

My sleep was riddled with the mares of night, but I suspected she knew that. "Fine," I answered evasively.

Raven simply nodded and continued to read, and as eyes her flicked across lines she said, "I'm here if you want."

I ate my eggs and mustard, and I noticed Beast Boy watching me curiously. He thought I would no longer be inclined to ingest mustard as often as I had, I remembered. I understood that my friends were unsure of what was going on within me, but I wished he would not stare at me.

"Hey, Star?" Beast Boy said quietly, after a few minutes of watching me eat.

"Yes, Beast Boy?" I asked patiently.

"You're staying here, right?"

I choked a little on my breakfast and Cyborg and Raven turned their attention to Beast Boy, some variation of a scowl on both their faces.

"What?" he demanded, anxious and displeased that he had upset everyone in the room. "I didn't mean anything. I don't _want _you to leave!"

My coughing subsided, and I pressed, "Why would I leave?"

"Well…" he stammered. He seemed to have been thinking about this, and he was surprised that I had not been. "Because you don't have powers."

"I have nowhere else to go," I answered dully.

"We wouldn't have you go anywhere else, Star," Cyborg told me, protectiveness fierce in his voice. I was grateful for his words, but what Beast Boy said had alarmed me.

"There is no need," I said, standing quickly. "I am still capable of fighting crime."

Silence. I felt my eyes widen. I was beginning to get that panicked feeling again.

"I am," I insisted. Cyborg was looking at me worriedly, Raven was remaining quiet. Beast Boy looked bothered, probably guilty that he made me upset. "Surely you believe—"

"Starfire," Raven interrupted me. "It's not that we don't believe you. You're very capable. We just need to be careful, that's all. You're not used to relying on normal abilities."

I glared at her. "What do you mean?"

Cyborg cleared his throat. "It's not a big deal, star. Wel, maybe you should sit out the next few—"

"Sit out?" I echoed, angry and worried and offended and so many other things. My head was spinning. "You are being unfair."

"Aw, Star," Beast Boy tried, "we didn't mean to—"

"Well, you have," I told him, and I stormed out of the ops room.

My friends wanted me to stop fighting crime. I could not go back to Tamaran. If I could not fight crime, what purpose did I have? I was going back to my room. I needed to be alone for a while, perhaps sit on my bed with Silkie on my lap. They were not against me. My friends cared for me very deeply. They were most likely worried. But their worry was unwelcome, and their solution was unfair.

"There you are."

Robin had appeared from around the corner. He must have been coming from my room. "How're you—?"

"Robin, I cannot go anywhere else."

"Huh?"

I was confusing him. More than usual, that is. "Cyborg, Raven, and Beast Boy believe that now that I depowered, I cannot continue to fight crime. But they are wrong. And you must know that, surely, because you do not have powers either."

"Wait, Starfire, hold—"

"X'hal, I was worried that you would be on their side, but you must see." I was talking so quickly that the words were hard to understand, but saying them made me feel better.

"Starfire," Robin said, and he said it with such authority that I snapped my mouth shut and looked at him inquisitively. "You're staying here. You're not going anywhere."

I smiled at him gratefully, but he ignored me. "But I don't want you going out for a while."

My smile fell into a betrayed frown. "Wh-what?"

He looked confused and a little exasperated.

"Robin, that is not fair! We are a team!"

"Yeah. We are. That means that we work together. And how are we supposed to work together when I don't know what skills you have? I don't know, Star. Maybe you could stay here and run the computers. You can feed us information."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "No."

Robin narrowed his eyes right back. "No?"

"No, Robin. I will not do that. That is hardly a position that we need, especially since you over prepare in terms of research and gadgetry. I will not sit idly by as my friends put themselves in danger."

He was so displeased. Perhaps even angry. "You're being—"

Our Titans alarm went off then, klaxon blaring and lights flashing. Robin glared at the empty space above us as though he could make it stop.

"I am being what, Robin?" I demanded, my hands on my hips. Accusation was in my voice, and he knew that as he lowered his gaze back to me and frowned deeply.

"…difficult," he finished. "Look, I know that you're not happy about this, but just stay here. We'll be back in a little while."

I crossed my arms over my chest, huffing. "Pardon me?"

He did not answer me and he began attempting to walk around me. I allowed him to pass by, but then I yanked on his cape to halt him.

He put his hands up to his throat and made a gurgling noise. "Hey!"

"I will be joining you," I informed him.

"Um. No, you won't," he answered, rubbing his throat above his collar bone.

"I was not asking."

"I wasn't _asking_ you to stay, either. That was an order."

"Then we have the problem, do we not?"

Robin twitched his head to the side, straightening the collar of his cape at his throat. "No, we don't. Starfire, I'm leader. You're staying."

"I am part of this team. I am joining you. It is my right." I moved to walk past him toward the ops room, but he put his arm out to stop me.

"I don't want to have to worry about you on the field."

His voice was pleading, but it was the wrong thing to say. I shoved past him angrily. "You do not have to do the worrying about me. I am more than capable of worrying about myself." I stalked off to the ops room.

He walked quickly to catch up with me. "Okay, let me try something different. Please stay?"

That was almost insulting. "Well, now that you are giving me the choice…" I began sweetly. I made my voice and my expression stony. "No. Do not insult me by pretending to be polite."

"I'm not pretending! Starfire, when I give an order, you're supposed to follow it. I don't _have _to be polite."

"Your orders only come into effect when we are 'in the field'."

"So, what am I supposed to do, wait until we get there and then order you back home? We're on duty now. This counts."

"You may not abandon me," I snapped, annoyed by his protestations.

Robin paused and I walked ahead of him, stopping before the door and typing in my keycode to open it.

"We're not abandoning you," he said softly. "I would never—" he stopped abruptly as the doors opened, revealing Cyborg, Raven, and Beast Boy waiting for us.

"What's the trouble?" Cyborg asked urgently.

"She won't stay here," Robin informed him, while I said, "He will not allow be to go." We glared at each other.

Cyborg cleared his throat and we looked at him. "Uh… I was talking about the mission. But whatever you two are doing… keep me out of it."

Raven, who was at the computer, swiveled her chair around and announced, "It's Doctor Light. Can't I just stay here?"

"No," Robin snapped. He was in poor humor. "We're already one down."

"You are not!" I reminded him indignantly.

"Star, come on. It's just Doctor Light. It's not like we can't afford to have you sit this one out," Robin said as he turned back out the doors.

"Exactly!" I shouted as I followed Robin down the hall. "It is merely Doctor Light. Surely, even without my powers I will be helpful.

"If you get hurt, it's on me," he retorted, pressing the button for the elevator. I ducked in after him, as he did not bother to hold the door open for me or even for Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy, who were following us uncertainly down the hall.

"It is not," I muttered, confused. "My injuries are on me. Otherwise, they would not be mine."

"No! I mean, I'm responsible for it!"

"It is never the 'on you'. I am responsible for my own injuries. I do not understand how you think you might be responsible for them."

The elevator opened, releasing us to the garage, and Robin grabbed his helmet and placed it roughly on his head. "You're being immature. I already have to protect any civilians that might be around."

I crossed my arms and glared at him, my mouth open with indignation. The elevator opened again and Beast Boy, Raven, and Cyborg came out of it, not speaking in order not to interrupt us.

Robin acknowledged them with a nod and mounted his R-cycle, revving the engine. I stood in front of him and placed both my hands on the handlebars, leaning forward so that my head was level with his and I could look him directly in the eye. Well, not directly, as the reinforced plastic of his helmet and his mask were between his eyes and mine, but it was as direct as I could get.

"I am not a civilian, Robin," I growled at him.

"I know you're not, Star. But you don't have your powers."

"You do not have powers!"

"I know. But I have…" He indicated his belt with a flourish of his hand.

"I have the tricks of my own," I snapped.

Cyborg revved the engine of the T-car, a signal that we should really get going.

Robin gave me a fierce glare that actually made me uncomfortable, but I would not break eye contact with him. "Fine. Get on. But if you get hurt, it's my way from now on, got it?"

I plastered a sweet smile on my face. "Of course, Robin."

His glare did not waver. "Just get on."

I slipped behind him, straddling the seat and clutching his shoulders. He revved the engine twice in response to Cyborg before shooting into the underground tunnel that connected our island to mainland Jump.

I had been on the R-cycle enough times before to know how much I hated it. If I had time, I would have insisted that I go in the T-car, but there was none and I believe that would have angered Robin.

Robin told me once that he liked the R-cycle because it was as close as he could get to truly flying, and thinking of that now, I was offended. Flying was glorious and smooth and freeing. This vehicle was jerky and loud and smelly. Along with all that, I was angry with Robin and riding on the back of the R-cycle like this forced proximity.

The tunnel ended after too long—I hate the tunnel, which made the R-cycle that much more unpleasant—and Robin made a very sharp turn. I do not like to think that he did that out of spite, but he does not usually drive so recklessly. I refused to put my arms around his torso, which would make for more comfortable riding, and I compensated by squeezing my legs against the bike.

The Global Positioning Satellite screen on the body of the bike, situated between the handlebars so that Robin could view it easily while driving, indicated that we were about to make a sharp left and immediately after that, a right hand turn. I expected him to slow down, but he picked up speed. It did not escape my attention that Cyborg slowed down the T-car.

"Robin?" I called nervously, but he did not answer. I think he could not hear me.

That made me shuffle closer to him and wrap my arms around his chest. He was thin enough that I could grab my wrist with my other hand, anchoring myself to him.

I was beginning to realize how impractical my uniform really was. Now that my body was not generating heat the way it was before, I could feel that I had the flesh of geese, particularly on the skin on my arms. It had just turned to autumn, the Earthy equinox having passed about a week ago, but the air had a chill and the speed of the bike created wind that was unpleasantly cold. I now understood why Earth people wore so many clothes.

Robin stopped the bike, turning it sharply so that it banked. I tightened my grip around him and squeezed my eyes shut, sure the bike would topple over. I peeked one eye open to find Robin smirking at me over his shoulder as he removed his helmet. "The AI keeps it from falling over."

I hastily dropped my arms to my sides, then crossed them. I was still angry with him. We had arrived before the others, thanks to Robin's reckless driving, but Robin did not seem inclined to wait. "Let's go. Can you light a—uh… Never mind."

I glared at him, then looked up to the building's sign. A diamond cutting warehouse. Peeking in through the windows, the place appeared to be very well-kept inside. There were phones and desks in the front portion of the building, and past that were tables fitted with machines and measuring tools, and past that were several crates. There was also a wall-sized safe in the very back, which most likely opened up to another room.

Robin tried the door, which was still locked. There did not appear to be any sign of a break-in. The door was not marked by any scratches, which might indicate other methods of opening besides picking. There was a chance that the lock was picked and then Dr. Light locked it behind him, but this was strange if he was still inside. Surely we had not taken that long to answer the alert? Besides, entering without blowing the doors down was out of Dr. Light's element.

Slipping the pick into the lock, Robin set to work. Cyborg came up beside me, and seeing Robin working the lock, he said, "If Light didn't get in through the door, how'd he get in?"

"Who cares? Star got to go on the R-Cycle! No fair!" Beast Boy crossed his arms sulkily.

"It's not like she got to drive it, B," Cyborg reminded him, smirking.

"Not this time, but you know how this stuff works out. Today she's riding on the back of it, in a week she'll have her own version!"

"Actually, I probably should get to work on something for Star, seein' as she can't fly now," Cyborg muttered to himself thoughtfully.

"We're going to try to reverse it," Raven said sharply. She nudged both of them in the ribs.

I knew that Raven was trying to make me feel better, but there is no reverse for transsubstantiation. I did not say that. My friends mean well, but they would have tried to comfort me instead of listening. It was best to stay focused on the mission.

The lock clicked under Robin's gloved hand and the door eased open. He stood and jerked his head toward the inside, indicating that we should go inside.

Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy passed by him carefully into the warehouse, but he took hold of my elbow when I tried to enter. "Are you sure you're okay? Last chance to back out."

His voice as strong as it always is, but he looked apologetic. I frowned before jerking my arm away and tilting my chin up. "I am more than capable," I insisted.

"Fine." Any trace of apology slipped into disapproval and he dropped his hand away from my elbow. "I tried." With that, he stalked ahead of me.

Really, there was no reason to be moody. I followed behind him, ignoring his outburst. In the dark, I could make out Beast Boy in the shape of a hound, Cyborg tapping on his screen as a square of white light shone on his face, and Raven was holding her hands out, concentrating.

"What's the matter?" Robin asked. He was trying to keep his voice quiet, but it made no difference. Each word reverberated off the walls, coming back louder to us then I thought he'd spoken. It is eerie, and I wish that I could create a starbolt for some light.

"He's not here," Raven answered simply.

"He _was_," Cyborg added, his voice booming around the warehouse. "Don't know where the hell he got to.

Beast Boy was pacing back and forth, sniffing furiously. Cyborg lit his shoulder lamp, assuming, as we all had, that Dr. Light had gone. Even if he was not and he somehow eluded us, he would have heard us.

The warehouse was even bigger from the inside, it seemed. Uncut diamonds and what cut diamonds remained were in the safe in the back of the room, and the crates were undoubtedly full of equipment—old or new, not yet on the tables in the back for use, and possibly diamonds which were too impure to cut. I wondered vaguely what happened to them. The building was luxurious inside. The floors appeared to be made of marble, and the walls were flecked with material that reflected the light from Cyborg's shoulder. There were even curtains on the windows.

Robin carefully walked forward and pried the top off a crate with a crow bar he'd palmed earlier. He held up an uncut diamond, and, squinting, I could see a large bubble in the middle of it. It was an odd trapezoidal shape, and it had certainly been cut around in an attempt to salvage it without getting any of the impurity.

Cyborg's shoulder light bounced off of it as he turned and reflected on the wall behind Beast Boy, who suddenly bristled in dog form and growled.

"Ah. Titans."

We turned to find Dr. Light, looking at us with a haughty smile, his teeth showing too much. He was not there seconds ago.

Cyborg's eyes widened as the proximity detector on his arm began beeping. "How'd he do that?" he demanded as he tapped at the screen.

The villain's eyes crinkled, lending him a much more sinister appearance. "I've got a few new toys."

"Me, too. Let's play." Robin slid flat discs across the ground at Dr. Light. They exploded and red, tacky goo covered his feet. He was trapped.

Dr. Light appraised the goo with raised eyebrows. "Good strategy, boy. But not good enough." And he disappeared. Obviously, he was using a teleporter. It wasn't like Red x's, however, where he shimmered away in slats. It was a gradual fading.

Robin was muttered under his breath. "Xynothium… zeta beams… sonics… super speed…"

Beast Boy was sniffing at the red goo as the rest of us watched, tense. Beast Boy transformed to human form, crouching. "He's gone, dudes."

"He's somewhere," Robin replied curtly.

Beast Boy made an annoyed noise in the back of his throat. "Fine! _You_ find him, then! I'm telling you, I can't smell him."

"I don't sense him," Raven chimed in.

"If it were not so dark perhaps it would be easier to locate him," I suggested.

"Hang on. I don't want the light on just yet," Robin said. "Let's illuminate a small area of the room."

Beast Boy transformed into an angler fish briefly, and light from an orb attached to his antennae illuminated a small, dim circle on the floor.

Cyborg's arm beeped. Dr. Light appeared in front of Beast Boy, who shifted to the form of a panther. He growled and leaped at Dr. Light, who let out a flash of light from his suit. The villain ducked Beast Boy's attack, and the verdant panther appeared to be blinded. Beast Boy sailed through the air and crashed into the wall.

"Ergh… It's worse than that time i posed with Steve for Forbes…" Beast Boy muttered, blinking rapidly as he used the wall to try to stand up. "So many cameras…"

Cyborg turned to Doctor Light, rearing forward to punch him. As the light from his shoulder fell on Dr. Light's suit, he disappeared. "What the—?" Cyborg demanded, flailing a little as his fist sailed through air.

"It's a photon teleporter," Robin announced as he lengthened his bo-staff. "Sorry. I should have realized it sooner."

Oh, Robin. Why must you make everything your fault?

"So no lights then, huh?" Cyborg asked, sighing.

"You don't have night vision?" Raven asked.

"If I had night vision, why would I have a big light built in my shoulder?" Cyborg retorted defensively. "Fashion?"

Raven shrugged.

"No, keep the light on, Cyborg," Robin instructed. "He has to manifest somewhere. Just make sure it's where we can see."

Cyborg aimed his light at the wall, waiting expectantly for the villain to reappear in front of him. However, Dr. Light did not appear in front of Cyborg in the beam of his light. He appeared next to Raven, sweeping his foot under both of hers. She hit the ground hard.

"What the hell?" Cyborg blurted as he turned and trained his cannon on Dr. Light.

"The director of this warehouse is a very detail oriented man," the villain explained as Cyborg blasted at him. Dr. Light threw up a simple forcefield to block the attack, which Cyborg dropped in favor of a physical assault. "Do you know what he used to decorate these walls?" Dr. Light held up his palm to block Cyborg's punch. His palm was reinforced with another forcefield, which broke when cyborg hit it. "Flecks of imperfect diamond. They reflect light brilliantly." He kicked Cyborg in the stomach, his foot swathed in a yellow forcefield that lashed out at Cyborg on contact, before disappearing. Cyborg cratered against the wall as he hit it.

"Turn the light off, Cyborg," Robin said, calculating.

"Fine, man, but I don't have night vision. You're on your own after that." His light folded back into his shoulder.

"Get ready," Robin whispered to me.

I could hardly see him in the semi-dark, but I was not paying much attention to him. I walked over to the curtains that hung on the windows, and after inspecting them, I tore off a strip from the bottom. Folding the strip until I could no longer see through it, I tied it so that it was over my eyes. So that I could still see, I pushed it over my eyes until I needed it.

Robin threw flash bombs on the ground, light erupting quickly and then immediately dying. Dr. Light teleported in front of Robin in the short space of time he was allowed.

Robin was accustomed to fighting in the dark. I was unsure if this was helpful to him now, as Dr. Light seemed to primarily create light and use it as a distraction. He teleported into it and changed his position quickly, although Roibin seemed to be doing a good job of keeping up.

"What are you planning?" Robin growled as he pinned Dr. Light against the wall after an intense minute of scuffling.

"You stole my diamond last time. I've got to get more somehow."

"You're still working on that ray? Face it. It's a dud." Robin taunted.

"That's why I need a source to tamper its blasts." Disconcertingly, Dr. Light smiled at Robin pleasantly. "Or here blasts."

"Her…?" Robin echoed, confused.

"Where's your girlfriend, kid?" The smile did not leave Dr. Light's face.

My blood ran cold. It is always alarming to learn that a plan for your kidnapping has been in place, however ineffective it may be.

Robin slammed Dr. Light against the wall again. "You leave her alone," he snarled. Then, in a more even tone, he said, "Besides, it's a little too late for that. Her powers are drained."

Dr. Light wheezed and Robin must have let up on the pressure a little. "What do you mean drained?"

"No starbolts. Sorry."

The villain roared angrily and he let a burst of light out of his shoot, which hit Robin like a laser. He went tense for a moment before crumpling.

It was time for me to make a move. "Please, doctor of Light, it is my help you require?" I asked innocently once the blindfold was in place over my eyes.

"Ah. There you are. Been hiding in the dark, I see."

"I only wish to help people who are nice to my friends." I was stalling, I realize. I was frightened. The nervous buzz of adrenaline did not usually accompany me to battles. Was this how Robin felt when he engaged an enemy in battle? Feeling certain that he was at a disadvantage and knowing that he must come out on top, regardless?

"Yes, well, I'll apologize to them later."

"Actually, I would prefer it if you apologize now," I growled.

I was not at a disadvantage. I trained at Okaara for years, refining my skills in martial arts and strategy until I had almost no need of my powers. Although my eyes were covered, I could easily see him in my mind's eye. Speaking to me was foolish, and I could sense the light energy emanating from him. That energy once belonged to me.

I could see flashes of light, but they did not bother my eyes thanks to my blindfold. This way, I would be able to fight with better accuracy and my eyes would not dilate. Thank X'hal. I did not to feel as though I was at even more of a disadvantage.

When he had come close enough to me, I punched at his armor, intending to crack it. Unexpected pain bloomed between my second and third knuckles. Armor hurts to punch. I never realized how much I used my strength. I punched at his arm, which did not help much but at least it was uncovered. I kicked at his knees, which made him buckle forward. As I kicked, he took hold of my ankle and pulled. Ordinarily, this position was easy to get out of—all it took was a handspring or flip, and I could kick an attacker away.

But I did not have the strength to pull free, and Dr. Light was able to pull me closer. I kicked him in the jaw with my other leg.

I was under him, which was never a good position. This position put me on the defensive and he had leverage over me. Without my strength, he could easily overpower me, there was no doubt. A fully grown male, even a human male, was bound to be stronger than a depowered Tamaranean girl less than a year outside of her Transformation.

I rammed the heel of my hand against his nose, and I felt blood against my hand. Robin would be angry at me for that—I'd never drawn blood before. But I never needed to. I was always able to incapacitate opponents without attacking their weak points.

Dr. Light let out a very rude Earth word and grabbed my hair. He called me a rude name which struck me as ironic, as I am descended from felines, not canines. He was pressing down on me and I was not strong enough to push him away. It was very reminiscent of my time as a slave on the Citadel. I shuddered at the memories and kicked out desperately I could have finished him by now, if only I had my strength.

His weight lifted off me all at once and he was thrown against the wall, leaving me on the ground. My blindfold was yanked above my eyes and I squinted at rapidly flashing lights. Raven crouched next to me and she shouted to one of the boys, "It's a strobe. Kick in the bulb to stop it." Then to me, she asked, "Are you okay?"

"I am undamaged," I answered, sitting up.

"Ow! B, that's me!" Cyborg answered. My friends were not faring so well against the light of strobe.

"Yes, but I sensed a strong surge of a very… _black_ emotion from you." Raven was looking at me suspiciously, her voice concerned.

"Mere memories. Please, release me. I may still be useful."

"What do you mean? You've been useful," Raven assured me. "I didn't know you could fight like that. Um, why are you wearing this?" she asked, gesturing to my blindfold.

"It is to stop my eyes from dilating. I am unbothered by the light of strobe this way. Please, I am still useful!"

Raven looked hesitant, but she said, "Yeah. Go."

I pulled down the blindfold again and paused. I could hear the distinctive noise of a birdarang being thrown, although I also heard it continue past Robin's hand.

Robin always caught his birdarangs.

I heard him someone hit the wall with a thud and I took the opportunity to engage in battle with Dr. Light.

The strobe was even throwing him off. The villain's movements were jerky while mine were fluid. He was blocking the middle of his chest protectively, and I decided that that must be where the strobe was located. All of my hits were ineffective, his armor blocking most of them. Dr. Light grabbed my wrist and he tried to teleport away with me, but I kicked his legs out from under him. Before I could scrambled away, he grabbed my hair. This left his chest unprotected and I took my chance.

I hit the power source of his suit. Glass cracked around my fist. Hot plasma oozed over my clenched fingers and I could feel glass embed itself into my wrist. I jerked away, the plasma burning my skin. I tore my blindfold away and used it to sop up the plasma, shaking my burning hand out. It stung and every nerve was on fire, not to mention the glass in my skin.

Raven crouched next to me again and she caught my arm while I was frantically shaking it. "Easy," she soothed.

"It burns," I informed her, gritting my teeth and blinking away tears that welled from the pain.

"I can't help you if you don't keep still."

I froze as well as I could. Raven's powers were cold—they were always accompanied by cold—and it drew out the burn. A delighted sigh escaped my lips. "Ooh, Raven, that feels so nice."

"Woah. Hot."

Raven frowned at Beast Boy and swept her arm under his ankles. "Quiet." She turned her attention back to me. "It'll be tender for a while. And I can't do anything about the glass. You have to get it out before I can heal you completely."

I glanced at Dr. Light. I had injured him. His face was bloody from his bleeding nose and there were bruises already blooming on his face. I snuck a furtive glance at Robin, who had his back to me. Cyborg had taken Dr. Light to the police outside.

"Are you coming?" Robin asked. In the few moments that I looked away, he appeared in front of me.

"Excuse me?" I answered, confused.

He crouched and picked up my wrist. He inspected it and then raised his eyes to mine. "Are you okay to go on the bike?" I flinched when he accidentally irritated a piece of glass stuck between two knuckles.

Robin was being very calm. The other Titans and I knew very well that when Robin was so rigidly calm and polite, it was because he was very angry. And I was certain that he was angry with me.

"She should probably go back in the car. It'll be more comfortable," Raven interjected.

Raven is my best friend. She knows when I am uncomfortable, even without reading my emotions, and she always tries to ease my discomfort. I made myself feel as grateful as possible so that she would feel it.

"The R-cycle will get her back faster." His voice was clipped. He was not asking.

"Robin—"

He turned toward raven, away from me. I could not see the exact look he wore, but Raven fell silent, so it must have been the one usually reserved for Beast Boy.

"Come on," he said, tugging on my good wrist so I would stand up. As we left, I shot Raven a worried glance

The ride back was better than the ride there, I wrapped my arms around his torso from the start instead of hanging on his shoulders, gripping my wrist gingerly. The contact with him soothed me, and I hoped it would put Robin in better spirits, too. He didn't take any sharp turns or go particularly fast until we got to the tunnel, which was a straight line anyway.

He pulled into the garage and got off after me, hanging his helmet and his keys on their respective rings by the door as he exited. I felt like a dror or a puppy, attempting at once to please its owner and stay out of its way.

I followed him to the medical bay and sat obediently on the cot I'd occupied earlier. Robin stood in front of me, studying my hand as he clutched tweezers in his right hand. It looked a little swollen and it was certainly sore.

I wished he would say something.

I cleared my throat as he tried to decide which piece of glass to pull out of my hand first. "I wish to offer apologies."

He did not look away from my injured hand. "Yeah? Why?"

His tone annoyed me. It was as though he had been expecting me to apologize, and now he was checking to make sure that I knew what I had done for which I needed to atone. "For using excessive force on the Doctor of Light."

"Excessive?" The tweezers paused in his hand, although he still did not look up. "You didn't use excessive force."

I sighed. "Oh, that is a relief."

"Are you still… offering apologies?" he asked clinically.

"Um… Should I?"

He glanced up at me as he pulled a piece of glass gingerly from my hand. "This is going to hurt, sorry. Your hand's swelling up around the glass. And yes. You should."

I was becoming very annoyed. "And may I inquire as to why?"

"You deliberately disobeyed my orders."

"They were unfair."

"That's not your call to make."

I pulled my wrist in toward my stomach, which made him grab at it impatiently and glare at me. "Yes, it is. I do not think you are unfair on purpose. It is an accident. Someone must bring your unfairness to your attention."

"So you were doing me a favor."

"I did not say that."

He eased another piece of glass away from my skin, making me wince and flinch back my hand.

"I'm still not happy that you went," Robin continued.

"I am unbothered," I said simply, irritated.

He frowned at me and raised his gaze to my eyes. "That's not very nice."

"It is not the nice of you to exclude me," I retorted levelly.

He took my wrist again, pulling it back into place so he could continue working on it. "Why are you so willing to let your own people exclude you, but when I do the same thing—which I'm not saying I did—you get all stubborn?"

I drew my aching hand away again, glaring at him. He should know better than to throw my culture in my face. "That is our way, Robin. We are a warrior race. We exclude the weak. I know my place." I held his gaze and I said, very deliberately, "I did not think you followed the same philosophy." Then I looked away. I did not wish to speak to him anymore.

Robin pulled my wrist and I looked back up at him. "Don't say that."

"Say what? 'Philosophy'?" I was being deliberately obtuse, and Robin made an annoyed sound in his throat.

"You're not weak, Starfire. And I'm sorry I made you feel like you were."

That surprised me. Robin is not usually so perceptive, and if he is, he usually avoids things like apologies. Not that he has ever ignored me when I am feeling bad, but he generally avoids saying the words 'I am sorry' or 'I apologize' or 'I did not mean to'. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he ducked his head and made a pretense of searching my wrist for glass embedded there.

"I did not say that you made me feel weak."

"So that wasn't the problem?"

"I suppose it was part of it. I am very… confused."

"You're not weak. You kicked ass," he said bluntly. "I didn't know you could do that."

"You never asked," I murmured, and a new well of emotion bubbled up inside me.

He furrowed his brow at me, and he squeezed my hand a little. I winced from the pain and he let up on the pressure. "You wanted me to ask if you could beat up a guy twice your age without strength or starbolts."

"No." I gulped, feeling uncomfortable. "It was unfair of you to try to make me stay here during this fight because you did not try to gauge my skills the way you have gauged Beast Boy and Cyborg's, and even Raven's." Robin was fond of training and of sparring, although he had never asked me to spar with him even once. Even Raven was made to practice her defenses, but Robin only ever wanted me to practice aerial skills and aim with my starbolts.

To my surprise, he blushed. "Oh. That's because… um."

He was completely unable to answer me, and for some reason that made me panic. Something was happening between us. We had never fought before. The closest twe ever came was after he pretended to be Red X, but that was not a true fight. Robin simply waited for me to stop being angry at him rather than confront me, and even when we were stranded on that hostile planet near the Andromeda system, I was mad and he tried to appease me. This was the first time we were actually working out our own thoughts, the first time he wanted me to feel better and not just because my powers were depending on it.

I was scared. "I do not think my hand requires any more of your attention." I put my hand down on the cot so that I could push myself off it, but Robin did not let go. He kept his fingers wrapped around my wrist, which put his hand very close to my thigh, and I was very aware of that at the moment.

Robin let his head drop forward so that his eyes were level with mine and he put his other hand next to my other thigh, trapping me there. I felt so jittery, as though I was filled with energy. And somehow it struck me as a good idea to kiss Robin to get rid of that energy.

I thought about it before. Kissing him. I had never felt so compelled to actually do it, however. His mouth was right there. I would hardly have to move.

"I don't want you to be mad at me," he murmured, bringing a gloved hand up to touch my cheek and sliding it back to my hair to tuck some of my hair behind my ear.

I could not concentrate. I tried to make myself look at his eyes, but my gaze kept dropping to his mouth. It was too hot. My tongue felt heavy and fuzzy, but somehow I still managed to answer, "And I do not want to be mad at you."

He smiled at me a little. "Good. Then we—"

"She okay, Rob?"

Robin immediately staggered away from me and almost before I could blink he was on the other side of the room. "Um, she's fine," he answered Cyborg, holding up the tweezers in his hand. "I'm just—"

"Ouch," Cyborg said sympathetically upon seeing my hand. "Swellin' a little, huh?"

I nodded wordlessly.

Raven entered the room next, looking between Robin and me. She raised her eyebrows at me expectantly and I did not doubt that she knew what was going on before Cyborg interrupted us.

Beast Boy came in with an ice pack for me. "Raven said you'd need this."

I just nodded.

"While everyone's in here, put your plans for tomorrow on hold," Robin announced.

"Aw, man, I got a date with Sarah planned and—"

"Sorry, Cyborg. We're testing Starfire tomorrow."

I grew worried at the smile that tugged at his lips.

**So I guess these chapters are going to keep longer and longer? I overstepped my goal of 6500 words by 600 words. Which is odd, because my third person draft is only 5300 words long. Whoops.**

**When I had Starfire say "the flesh of geese", you probably guessed this but I meant gooseflesh. AKA goose bumps, which is what I call them. Because in my opinion, gooseflesh sounds really frickin odd. And not in the good way. But I figure Starfire would call them by their proper name. Also, I had Starfire ride a motorcycle without a helmet. Don't do that. Motorcycle accidents can mess you up.**


	5. The Mall

**Chapter 5 – The Mall**

Rain spattered against my bedroom windows, making a tapping sound on the glass that almost blended with the sound of my drawers hitting the stoppers that kept them on their tracks as Raven tugged them open one after the other.

Raven scrutinized my limited collection of civilian clothing, tapping her finger against her chin. "You don't have that many civvies, do you?"

She tugged open another drawer, revealing my neatly folded undergarments. She closed that drawer and tugged open another, this time plucking out a pair of pink pants with a picture of the adorable marketing figure 'Hello Kitty' winking on every square inch of them. Raven made a face and held them away as though they smelled. "Pajamas?" she asked disdainfully.

"They are most comfortable. And the Greetings Kitten is adorable, is it not?"

"Right." Raven folded the pants with her powers and slid them into the drawer before moving on. She pulled open a few more of my drawers. One held suits of bathing—which are curiously not used for bathing, unless one counted sunbathing as bathing—and another was stuffed full of shells, which Raven seemed interested in observing but ultimately deemed unhelpful.

She sighed. "Didn't Bumblebee get you yoga pants for Christmas last year?"

I tilted my head, a gesture that Beast Boy told me repeatedly was very feline in nature, and thought for a moment. "Yes! They are in this drawer here." I flew over to the bottom left side of my dresser and pulled it open. "But I thought they were to be worn during the yoga."

Raven lowered an eyebrow. "Um. I guess so. But people wear them all the time for… just everyday stuff."

I nodded, indicating that I understood. "Then why are they the pants of yoga?" I asked curiously. Truthfully, I should have guessed they were not exclusively for yoga. Tennis shoes are not solely for tennis and polo shirts may be worn outside of whimsical games played on horseback with oddly shaped mallets.

Raven put her fingers on her forehead, which made me wince as she did that often when she became agitated. "Look, I'm not as good with the explaining thing as Robin is. Especially when it comes to clothes. I don't know why, it just is."

I nodded quickly, resolving not to ask anymore unnecessary questions. "What should I wear on top?

Raven glanced down at herself. She wore comfortable-looking sweatpants and a top of tanks. "Um… Do you have any of these?" she asked, pinching the green fabric of her top and pulling it a little.

I squinted at it, but I did not recall owning an article of clothing similar. "I do not."

"Just wear a sports bra, then."

My eyes widened automatically, alarmed. "A bra? You told me that it was inappropriate to—"

"Yeah, but it's different with sports bras. When you're training, you can wear them around." She paused. "It's not like your uniform top covers much more than that, anyway."

I shrugged and pulled at the hem of my shirt. Raven turned away quickly, and I scolded myself internally for forgetting that humans do not like to see other humans unclothed, even when they are as close as Raven and I are.

"I really wish you were more conservative about where you change," she muttered.

I shrugged as I pulled on the clothes Raven helped me select. "On Tamaran, nudity is not the scandal as it is on Earth." Feeling defensive, I added, "You told me it was the okay if you saw me unclothed."

"Well, yeah, but I was giving you a medical examination at the time."

The yoga pants were black with a bright green waistband, folded over. The sports bra was pale pink, and it really did cover the same amount as my usual top. "It is nothing you have not seen before."

"It's different when you're seeing it on yourself."

"Okay," I called when I pulled my pants on. "You may do the turning of around. I am finished."

"Good. Come on, the boys are waiting."

On the way out the door, I grabbed a hair tie and scooped my hair into the tail of ponies. We padded down the hall, our bare feet silent on the cold floor, and Raven pressed the call button for the elevator. When we got in, I felt a nervous flutter in my stomach.

"Are you nervous?" Raven probably felt my nervousness.

I glanced up at her, acknowledging that she read my emotions and also letting her know that it was alright. "Yes."

"Why? You kicked Dr. Light's butt. I don't even want to know how bad you're gonna beat me."

"But you have had sessions with Robin before," I mumbled uncomfortably. Even though saying it would make me sound jealous and petty, Raven would know what I was feeling anyway, so what was the point in holding in my biting remarks around her?

"Robin only taught me defensive moves. In two sessions." Her tone was neutral, but I got the feeling that Raven was holding back disgust.

"Truly?"

"Yep. Hand to hand combat generally goes against pacifism. At least with my powers it's easier to subdue rather than bring harm."

"Oh," I said, smiling.

We were quiet the rest of the way.

"Well, it's about time," Cyborg said as soon as we entered. He was smiling, but it was a little strained.

"I am sorry that you had the need to cancel your plans with Sarah," I told him apologetically.

"Nah, don't worry about it. We have a dinner date instead. I'm going over to her place when we finish up here. I know how to split my time between my two favorite girls," he said, nudging me in the ribs playfully.

"Lookin' good, Star," Beast Boy chirped, a toothy grin on his face. "If only we could get Raven to dress like that…" He let his voice trail off as he waggled his eyebrows at Raven.

I found his comments confusing. Raven told me that it was the okay to wear this attire. She caught my eye and shook her head at me, a gesture I recognized as her 'Beast Boy is being stupid' look.

When, exactly, did Beast Boy begin the flirting with Raven? I had been so distracted by my own problems with Robin that I did not notice when Beast Boy's smiles began lingering on Raven, or when she began brushing off his remarks instead of becoming angry at them.

"Let's get this show on the road," Cyborg said, interrupting my thoughts.

"Alright," Robin called. He was already looking at me when I raised my eyes. "You'll spar with Raven first. That'll be a test of your offense, Star. Then Cyborg, as a test of your defenses. Then Cyborg, as both at once."

I nodded, then frowned. "What about you?"

He smiled at me, a small, reassuring smile. "A test of strategy after Beast Boy. If you're not too tired."

I nodded again. This dojo-style room was simple, floors and walls decorated in the style of a traditional dojo, all Robin's touch. There was a bench attached to either side of the door-side and large, wall-sized windows on the opposite side of the room, but other than that it was bare of furniture. There was on odd, many-limbed dummy that Robin liked to practice on, but it was gone at the moment. The floors were padded with thin mat-like material. It would hurt less than falling on concrete, but it would not feel nice.

Robin tilted his head toward the center of the room, gesturing for us to begin.

We approached the center of the room, standing two arms' lengths away from each other as the boys took their seats along the benches.

"Go," Robin called from where he sat.

Raven was not very quick. She is more relaxed when she fights, and it makes her reflexes slower. It usually is not a problem, as she generally fights at a distance with plenty of time to throw up a shield. But I allow my reflexes to take over when I fight, the way I was trained to on Okaara. Striking quickly, I drove the heel of my hand into Raven's shoulder. She batted at my wrist with the side of her hands, and I hit her in the shoulder with the heel of my other hand while sinking a punch into her stomach.

"Azar, Star," she muttered. "Slow it down. Robin's gonna make me train for a week after this."

"Um… I am sorry?" I did not wish to get Raven in trouble, but I did not wish to hold back, either. Proving myself was too important, and I think Raven knew that.

I jumped to deliver a kick to her stomach, but Raven surprised me by grabbing my foot and twisting, forcing me onto my hands and knees. I waited for Raven to come closer before pushing myself up on m arms and lashing out with my feet, connecting with her torso.

Raven let herself be thrown back a few feet, her bare feet slipping across the mats. She raised her arms, blocking my punches with her forearms. As she was distracted, I hooked my ankle around her calf. I threw a hard punch, which knocked Raven back as she blocked it. She lost her balance, as my leg was wrapped around hers, and we fell to the ground.

I pushed Raven down with a hand on her shoulder and held my fist at her throat. She blinked up at me in surprise and I unclenched my fist. I let myself get wrapped up in the fighting styles I learned on Okaara. "My apologies. On Okaara, a battle would not be finished unless the opponent had been cornered this way." I stood and offered Raven my hand. "It is more intimidating with a starbolt," I added wistfully.

"I'll bet it is," she grumbled as I pulled her to her feet.

"Dude…" Beast Boy said with a smile on his face. "That was… kind of hot!"

"Yeah, it was—" Robin began, but then he frowned at Beast Boy when he realized what he said. "Beast Boy…" he growled darkly."

He only shrugged and gave Raven his best smile. "Hey, baby, how about later you and me go back to my room and hmprbpf—" his words became muffled as Raven made a black ring of energy clamp over his mouth and she fixed her best glare at him.

Robin shook his head while Cyborg looked amused. Raven was fighting back a blush, and her ring around Beast Boy's mouth crackled harmlessly, I suspected as an overload from her emotions.

"Cy's up," Robin said, bringing us all back to attention.

Cyborg jumped up from the bench eagerly. "Okay, Star. Normally I would hold back, but I wanna make this quick. Just try to keep up," he teased as he led me to the center of the room.

Robin gave the command, but Cyborg did not move. I was supposed to be on the defensive. I raised an eyebrow at him, confused. "Why do you wait."

"I'm lettin' you have the first move." He smiled at me.

"But I am supposed to defend—"

"Yup. You can't win a fight if you don't throw a few punches, Star."

"Of course, but—"

"Go on," Cyborg sad, dropping his arms and tilting his head toward me. "Hit me."

I gaped at him. "I do not wish to bring damage to your face."

"Right. I got a date with Sarah comin' up. Come on, li'l lady." His voice took on a pleading tone.

I took in a breath and reared back to punch Cyborg. I found that his metal armor stung my hand, and I vaguely wondered if he could feel my punches through it.

He let me take another swing at him before grabbing my fist and holding it, punching me with his left hand. He was pulling his punches, I could tell, but I was surprised at how much it hurt. I tried to wriggle my hand out of his grasp, but his grip was tight. I narrowed my eyes at him and threw myself at him feet first, colliding with his chest and kicking. We tumbled. I landed in a crouch and Cyborg performed a rare back handspring to recover.

"There ya go, fly girl!" he shouted, sounding proud.

I smiled a little. Cyborg rushed me and I blocked his punches. He started to cease pulling them so much, to get the point across that blocking was largely ineffective. He hit my wrist, which I pulled back to my chest defensively.

"Ouch," I muttered softly. I was not used to sustaining damage from sparring with my friends.

Cyborg froze. "Aw, sorry, Star, I'm used to your super strength. Did I hurt ya?"

"No," I answered quickly, dropping back into position.

Cyborg assumed position, too, and started attacking again. This time, I dodged rather than blocked. I never should have blocked in the first place; I have human strength now, and Cyborg has strength similar to what mine was. The idea of a human blocking one of my punches at full power is ridiculous.

Thankfully, my size and training made me more nimble than Cyborg. He was faster than I expected, given the bulk of his armor, but for the most part dodging was easy.

I had no idea how I would attack him. If I had some kind of weapon, it would be different, but I was clearly outmatched this way.

I slid under his legs, one leg straight and the other bent beneath me, and I pushed off into a handstand, kicking Cyborg in the back as I did. He stumbled forward, but not into the wall as I hoped.

I aimed a kick and his back connected with the wall. I pushed him fiercely against it and closed my fist, panting a little.

He grimaced at me. "Sorry, princess."

I widened my eyes as Cyborg wrapped his fingers around my biceps and flipped us so that he was pushing me against the wall. I struggled, but it was no use.

"But that is not fair!" I complained. "Your strength—"

He shrugged. "Robin always beats me with it."

I sighed, defeated, and let my head hang.

"Aw, no, Star. You did great!" Cyborg praised, letting me go.

"I failed in combat," I said, wanting to sink into the floor but forcing myself to walk with Cyborg to where the others were waiting.

"Don't beat yourself up about it," Cyborg said soothingly. "You beat Light when he was kickin' the rest of our butts. So now we're even."

"Even?" I echoed, confused. "We were odd before?"

Cyborg opened his mouth to explain, but then he shook his head at me and smiled. "You are, Star. Pretty odd to me, but I love ya for it."

"Thank you?"

"No prob, girl. Now if it's okay with Robin, I'm gonna ditch," he announce, turning to look at Robin hopefully.

"Yeah, go," he said with a nod. To me, he asked, "You okay?"

I looked at the ground sheepishly. "Merely disheartened."

He looked worried. "Are you okay to keep—?"

"Of course!" I interrupted him, smiling to widely. I could not stop now. I still needed to prove myself.

"Alright," he said, motioning for Beast Boy to get up off the bench.

Beast Boy scampered over to me and pulled me to the middle of the room.

I giggled at his enthusiasm. "You seem most excited."

"Yeah, well, I never fought ya before, Star." His smile faltered. "Um, except for that time I fought nega-you when Trigon made us fight our evil sides."

"There are none of the hard feelings," I said with a smile.

"Try not to have hard feelings after I kick your butt," he teased.

"Who is to say you will do the kicking of—?"

"Guys," Robin interrupted, sounding annoyed.

"Yeah, yeah, we get it," Beast Boy answered with an exaggerated eye roll. "Go!"

He launched himself at me, and I dodged to the side just in time. He came back to attack me and I spin-kicked him, knocking him away. I raised my hands to fire starbolts at him, then pulled them into my chest, glancing at my knuckles in dismay.

Beast boy tackled me around the waist. We tumbled to the ground and Beast Boy crawled over me, pinning me to the ground.

"Gotcha!" he chirped, smug.

I narrowed my eyes at him, annoyed. I brought my knees up, kneeing Beast Boy in the back and throwing him off balance. I turned on my side, knocking him to the ground, and scrambled up to my feet.

"Okay…" Beast Boy said, rubbing his back. "That didn't work. Let me try…" He stepped forward and jabbed punches at my stomach. None of them were particularly hard punches, but he was forcing me back against the wall.

I let him, and when i was a few feet away, I turned and used the wall to flip away. I landed heavily—I needed to work on gymnastics now that I could not compensate with flight.

Beast Boy turned quickly and grabbed my wrist, sweeping his foot across my ankles. I fell and he pulled on my hand, probably to bring me up for a punch.

I cried out. My hand was still injured from yesterday—I'd been favoring my other hand all day—and Beast Boy pulling so roughly irritated it.

He dropped me, letting me fall onto the floor. "Oops! Sorry!" He crouched down next to me. "You okay?"

"My hand," I murmured as an explanation, cradling it against my chest.

Raven floated over to me, pushing Beast Boy back a little. "Idiot. You irritated the burn," Raven reprimanded softly.

"I thought you healed it!" he spluttered indignantly, really looking like he felt awful.

"I did. You know the skin is tender after I heal a burn."

He grimaced. "I'm really sorry, Starfire."

Raven's powers encompassed my hand, soothing coldness over my wrist, and then any pain was gone. I flexed my fingers and turned my wrist. "It feels fine now. We can continue."

"It felt fine before, too, didn't it? The same thing's just gonna happen if you don't lay off."

I frowned. Stopping now meant losing to Beast Boy, and that meant that I would have lost twice. Surely Robin would think that I was incapable and he would not allow me to go on any missions.

"Do you want to go to the mall?" Raven asked casually. "We'll get you some civvies. You can't walk around in just that," she said, gesturing to my current apparel.

I smiled in spite of myself. Raven _never_ offered to go to the mall. Even if she was doing it to distract me, it was very kind of her.

Robin was waiting patiently by the door as we moved toward it, which made me feel strangely disappointed. "Are you okay?" he asked as Raven and I approached the door.

Wordlessly, and still sulky, I held my hand out in front of his face. Surprising me, he took it between both of his hands. He traced a finger over a thin, scabbing cut between two knuckles. He glanced back up at me and dropped my hand hastily. "Um… I guess we'll spar another time."

I narrowed my eyes at him. He sounded very relieved. Why was he so reluctant to fight me? Surely he did not think I was so unskilled that it would be unpleasant? I slipped through the door without saying anything else.

Raven followed me quietly down the hall until we got to the elevator. "You know, when you do that, it doesn't do anything but make him confused," she said as the doors closed.

"Do what?" I asked innocently.

"You know what. Get mad at him like that. Actually, why _are_ you mad at him this time?"

"He does not want to spar with me."

The doors opened and we stepped out. "The reason for that may not be as insulting as you think."

"What reason could he have for not wishing to see a demonstration of strength?" I sulked.

"Well… I certainly wouldn't want to punch… somebody that I cared about." She cleared her throat, indicating that I shouldn't ask.

Even though inwardly, I was cheering because I knew she was talking about Beast Boy.

"That is different, though," I reasoned. "If that is truly his reason, Robin has already made clear that he has no intent to commence dating rituals with me. As such, he should be treating me the same way he treats you or Cyborg or Beast Boy, but he does not."

"Do you want him to treat you like he treats me, though? Robin and I are close, but we don't stay up past lockdown talking about how to travel a light speed. And he can't remember my birthday. And I don't hide behind his cape when we're watching scary movies."

"I have received your point," I interrupted, and Raven raised her eyebrows at me.

"I'm not trying to say that he's being fair, not dating you," she said soothingly. "But he's being overprotective by not fighting you, Star. He's not trying to insult you."

"Overprotective," I repeated to myself. "We do not have this word on my planet."

We came to my door and I typed in my keycode. "Raven?" I called as she continued walking to her room. "What should I wear?" We had already discussed my uniform and how I no longer felt it was suitable, although I did not have any other clothes right now.

"Just put your uniform back on, for now. We'll get you more stuff."

"Okay." I let the door close behind me and flopped back onto my bed. The rain was still falling, looking silvery in what little sunlight was forcing its way out of the clouds. I could not even blame my bad mood on the lack of sunlight. Possibly, I still felt connected to the weather after relying on it for so long. Or i was just in a bad mood.

The rain started falling more heavily, and I sighed and changed quickly. I was brushing my hair when my door whooshed open to reveal Raven and Beast Boy, both in their uniforms, standing in the frame.

"Is it okay if Beast Boy comes along?" Raven grumbled as Beast Boy grinned winsomely at me, pleading silently.

I frowned. I was hoping for it to be Raven and I, without any other company, but part of me was also thrilled for them. "Of course."

Raven rounded on Beast Boy, holding a threatening finger under his nose. "There will be clothes shopping. If I hear one peep out of you, I'm teleporting you back here."

"I'll stay quiet. Scout's honor," he said, holding up two fingers and placing his hand over his heart.

Raven teleported the three of us to the mall. She usually did not use her powers for recreation, especially teleportation, but she used the excuse that we were supposed to be training. The mall was not very crowded and we journeyed to the clothing stores first. Raven handed me shirts of different styles—even some that were long enough to cover my stomach—jeans in different cuts, and many variations of shoes. She also helped me pick out dresses and skirts, and some jewelry.

About three hours after we arrived, it was beginning to grow dark and we relaxed in the court of food. Beast Boy purchased soy-cheese pizza and Raven and I split a delicious soft pretzel.

"What next?" Beast Boy questioned around a mouthful of cheese. "Can we do fun stuff, now? Can we go to the pet store?"

"No," Raven answered quickly. "We can't."

"Why not?"

"Because every time we fo to a pet store you find something to complain to the manager about. 'The dogs' food isn't healthy enough.' 'The cats need more toys.' 'There needs to be newer newspaper in the cages.'"

"Don't you wanna play with the puppies?" Beast Boy teased, tilting his head and giving Raven his best rendition of puppy dog eyes.

"Why would I want to do that? You can turn into a puppy."

He smirked at her. "Oh, that's right, baby. You can play with me all you wa- Ow!" he complained as Raven swept a band of black energy over the back legs of his chair, making him lose balance and topple over. Scrambling back into his chair, he said, "I bet Star want to play with puppies. Don'tcha, Star?"

I had not been listening very closely, as I felt like I was intruding on their time together even if they were simply bickering. I snapped my attention to Beast Boy, who was grinning spiritedly. "Um, actually, friends, I was thinking of leaving."

"Oh, yeah. I guess we've been here a while," Raven said thoughtfully.

"No, no; I meant that I would leave and the two of you would stay," I told them, smiling as they both sank into their chairs a little and glanced at each other. They had turned our outing into a date long before this point, so I am unsure as to why they both clammed up.

"You don't have to leave, Star," Raven said softly, although she sounded apologetic instead of seeming like she was trying to cover up the fact. "We can all hang out together."

Beast Boy nodded, although he didn't add to Raven's argument.

"I know. The fault is not yours. I am feeling quite… the down. Perhaps it is the weather," I added quickly as Raven furrowed her eyebrows at me. "Maybe if I retired to the Tower, I would feel better."

"Do you want me to teleport you back?"

I glanced out the skylight window. It was still raining, but I suddenly wanted to be out in it very badly. "No. I wish to take the walk. Fresh air will help."

"Okay, fine. You do that. I'll keep your bags with me so that you can go back without worrying about them getting wet," Raven offered. "Take this." She brandished an umbrella from one of the bags at me.

"Thank you," I said gratefully.

Raven and Beast Boy returned to talking to each other as I walked away from them. I remembered at the last moment that Beast Boy once told me that it was bad manners to open umbrellas indoors. Or was it bad luck?

I opened the umbrella as I exited the mall. I had never used an umbrella before, as I usually flew to my destinations and umbrellas are not very aerodynamic. I enjoyed the soft pattering sounds the rain made on the taut plastic and the way it spilled down around me. I saw someone walk past with a clear umbrella, and I had to remind myself that it would be inappropriate to ask for a trade.

After walking for a few blocks, I was in the middle of downtown Jump. It was getting dark, the sun's rays pink in the dimming sky, blue edging in from above the colors of sunset. I was getting cold. Even though I had the wondrous umbrella over me, rain that was carried in the wind was still hitting me, and the wind itself had an unpleasant bite.

I became aware that I was being followed. I was not paying very close attention to my surroundings (Robin would have been most upset at my lack of vigilance), so I am unsure whenit started. It was a group of teenage boys, all with their hair tucked into the hoods of sweatshirts instead of carrying umbrellas. I meant to turn and glare with glowing eyes, but I remembered as I went to do it that my powers were gone.

That made me a little worried, and my acknowledgement of the boys sent them jeering to each other. I quickened my pace a little, tucking the umbrella firmly around me and making a beeline for the Tower. I wrapped my fingers around my communicator before pulling them back. I could not call for help, not for this. If I could not walk through the streets of my own city without fear, how would I defeat criminals with powers?

I could hear the boys behind me coming closer, their jeers loud and unapologetic. I heard the word 'slut', which made my cheeks burn and my head drop. This was another reason Earth girls wore more clothing than I ever had, even when it was stiflingly hot. _They_ did not need to absorb the sun's rays the way I did. I also heard the word 'firecrotch', which confused me, and something about drapes and carpets.

I bumped into someone and snapped my head up to apologize. It was undoubtedly one of the boys that were still following a short distance behind me. I narrowed my eyes at the stranger and ignored my nervousness.

"I apologize for bumping into you," I said politely. "If you would please step out of the way, i would like to continue walking."

"Sure thing. No problem, gorgeous."

The boys behind me hooted in laughter and I frowned.

The boy in front of me, whose blond hair was sticking out from his hood a little and hanging limply over part of his eye, stepped into an alleyway next to me. He grabbed my elbow as he moved, pulling me in with him and placing himself between me and the exit. Somewhere in the exchange, my umbrella was flung down the alley, where it rested upside down in a puddle.

"What are you doing? Release me," I growled.

"Sure thing, gorgeous, just one minute of your time. One of my friends back there bet me I couldn't score a kiss."

"You wish to kiss me," I repeated slowly. Dangerously.

"You got it. I know you hero types are all about helping people, so how's about it?"

"You insult me." I wrenched my arm out of his hand. I was not afraid. Even without my powers, I could easily take him. But my fingers were shaking and my eyes felt uncomfortably wide.

"Nah. It's a compliment, actually." He did not try to grab my arm again.

I moved to walk past him, but as I was passing, he reached out a hand and squeezed over my skirt. I spun around, a loud slap cracking through the dripping of water and the low whistle of wind in the brickwork.

He slammed me into the brick, snarling, "Okay, gorgeous, you're gonna regret that." I was pleased to see a red mark on his face. I was less pleased to see the rest of his posse appear behind him. I reached down for my communicator, but the boy grabbed my hand and dug my fingers into it. I winced—it was my burned hand. I could punch him in the jaw. It would hurt, even if it was not super-powered. I could knee him in the groin. I could elbow him in the stomach. But I did none of those things. I was so overcome with the desire to shoot starbolts from my eyes that I could not move. Uncertainty and the novel idea of subduing civilians without harming them without use of my powers made me freeze up.

Rustling material. The soft pinging thud of steel boots on pavement. The familiar angry growl.

The boy was wrenched away from me, his nails scraping over the skin on my hand, stinging it but not leaving any marks, and he was thrown against the wall opposite me so forcefully that I could hear the breath get knocked out of him.

I sank down onto the ground, water soaking my legs under my skirt, cold rain pelting me. I rested my head in my hands, embarrassed and upset.

I heard the swishing metal of Robin extending his bo-staff. I peeked up and he was holding it across his body diagonally. It was a warning. "I'm giving you until three to beat it," he snarled at the blond boy.

"Hey, I didn't do nothing to her."

"One," Robin growled menacingly.

"Okay, okay, I'm going!" The boy scrambled to his feet and glared around Robin at me. I glared back, not wanting to seem weak to the enemy.

"Two!"

He bolted. I buried my head in my hands.

Robin clicked his bo-staff down to the appropriate size and stowed it in his belt. He crouched down next to me. "Starfire."

I curled into myself more firmly. This is the worst possible way this could have turned out. I was essentially defeated by a civilian. It was almost Robin's responsibility to kick me off the team, now.

"Hey, come on, it's okay," he soothed gently. He put his hands on my head, easing my head so I was forced to look at him. I kept my eyes shut. "Open your eyes, Star." I squeezed them shut more firmly. "Please?"

I opened them, tears escaping as I did.

Robin made a clucking noise with his tongue. "It's okay. Please don't cry."

That made me even more upset and a sob burst from my throat. Robin winced. "I am sorry," I blurted tearfully.

I hate crying. On my own it was fine, and on Tamaran it was an accepted way to get out emotions. But on Earth it was weak. And I had done this in front of Robin two times in as many days.

He widened his eyes at me and pulled me gently away from the wall, then he slipped between it and me and sat with his back against it. I watched him, crying silently. He took my good wrist and pulled me closer to him, and I crawled between his knees and buried my face in his chest, my head tucked under his chin. I wrapped my arms around his back, touching the top of his shoulders with my fingertips. My feet slipped from under me, rain running down my boots and soaking my feet inside them, but I did not care. He put a hand on the back of my head, threading his gloved fingers through my dripping wet hair, and he put his other hand between my shoulder blades.

I cried into his chest, holding onto him like he was an anchor in a rough current. I kept quiet, stroking his fingers through my hair in little lines and rubbing tiny circles between my shoulder blades.

After a few minutes, my crying slowed. I moved one arm from his back to wipe at my eyes. I shivered a little from the cold, bunching my knees up. Robin let me pull back to find a more comfortable position, and he brushed hair from my eyes. He gave me a worried look but i could tell that he was forcing himself not to ask if I was okay. Which I greatly appreciated, because I could not attempt so much as a guess at what I would say if he asked.

My cheek rubbed against his chest as a shivered and I huddle against him for warmth.

"Come on. You're gonna freeze. Let's go home."

I looked down at the ground, ashamed, as I pulled away from him. I crossed my arms to warm myself, tugging on my arms to bring them closer together as though my entire body had not been reduced to a waterlogged, frozen, listless hunk of ice and my limbs were not numb from cold. "F-f-fine. L-let us go."

He touched me under the chin before helping me up. He shot a grappling hook at the tallest building he could reach and extended an arm out to me. I meekly stepped against him, bringing my hands up to clutch at his shoulders with frozen fingers. He brought his arm around my waist and once he was sure he had a firm grip around me, he pulled us up into the skyline, which was dotted with early stars.

**Guess who named her chapter The Mall even though said mall appeared for less than half a page? It's me, I did it. Should mention that the scene that you just read with the alley and the rain was inspired by a fanart. Link here. ( gallery/?offset=240#art/Just-Hold-Me-For-Awhile-260853867?q=gallery%3Afrinda-frisk%2F29895423&QUO=240%_sid=6c990a25) I love that picture. The girl who drew it has really awesome cosplays. Anyone who will dress as Starfire, cartoon or comic (but especially comic) deserves props because that takes GUTS.**

**Also, the blond boy that wants a Starfire kiss is, in my headcanon (yeah, I have headcanon for fics…), Grant Wilson. Slade's first son and the original Ravager. Ravager does not appear in this fic so it's completely irrelevant, which it why it's my headcanon (which, since I guess I'm telling you, isn't headcanon?).**

**Stuck in the shells from Reach. (Actually, I began writing this before I started seriously deciding that Reach was a good idea for a fic. So this is where that comes from.)**

**Also, one more chapter of rewriting what I have and then I can do what I want! These rewrites are boring for me. **

I traced the curved of his cheek with my eyes down to the softness of his mouth, my eyes dropping to his chin and throat and the little bit of chest that the tunic revealed. I flicked my gaze up to his eyes before he became uncomfortable, looking at him through my eyelashes. My breath was coming in deep and slow and I felt almost mesmerized.

"Star…" Robin murmured, and he cupped my cheek with his hand.


	6. Sparring

**Chapter 5 – Sparring**

We landed, finally, on the roof of Titans Tower. I stayed pressed against Robin, his arms securely around my neck, my chest against his, my cheek on his shoulder. He was being very good with the touching. Usually, he would hug me for a few seconds and then back away, or press his hand against the small of my back just long enough for me to get used to it there before removing it, or let our knees brush the smallest amount when we sat next to each other during a movie only to draw away when I made the contact firmer. I lingered in the dark and cold and rain, appreciating the way his hair smelled when it was wet and the firmness of his hand on the small of my back and the way the rain made his cape stick to his back and his hair flop forward. I shivered and he pulled me gently into the Tower after him.

We walked to the ops room and Robin sat me on the couch. I did as I was directed, staying were I was put. I plucked up a throw pillow that Cyborg's grandmother had embroidered and hugged it, wrapping my arms around it and pulling my knees up, encircling it with my limbs, and leaning my chin on my knees.

Robin threw a blanket over my shoulders and he crouched in front of me. "Hey," he said simply, and he smoothed my hair away from my face.

I sniffled. "Greetings."

He gave me a small smile, then it vanished and his voice became businesslike. "Star, did that creep touch you?" Bitterly, he added, "I mean, other than grabbing you… you know."

I shook my head and nodded when he asked if I was sure.

He furrowed his eyebrows at me, confused. "Then what's with all the tears?" he asked gently.

X'hal. Must I explain everything? Tears welled in my eyes and I let them fall. It was too late now to put up a strong front. "I c-could not even defend myself from r-rogue teenagers."

"Okay," Robin said, and I could tell he was preparing for an explanation. "Honestly, I didn't step in because you couldn't defend yourself. I stepped in because it was cold and raining and those guys were assholes. You probably could have taken them with a few of the moves I saw you use on Raven, Cy, and Beast Boy. I just didn't think it would be very nice of me to wait when I could have helped you out."

"You were following me," I concluded dully.

"Oh." A blush rose on his cheeks. "Um, yeah. I was."

"Because I require a sitter of babies."

"No! No, Starfire, that's not it."

I looked up at him numbly, my eyebrows raised enough to let him know that I required an explanation.

"Uh, I just do that sometimes." He brushed my hair away from my face again, possibly to distract me. "Why don't you take a hot shower? You'll feel better."

I shrugged and put my feet on the ground as Robin stood up, releasing the throw pillow. "Wait," I called as he began walking to the door.

He turned to me, questioning.

Tears returned to my eyes. "Please, Robin, do the sparring with me."

He stayed quiet for a few seconds, a serious expression on his face. "I don't think that's a good—"

"Please," I repeated desperately. "I can do better. I need the opportunity to demonstrate my skills."

"It's okay, Star. Nobody's blaming you for anything."

"I am!" I shouted as more tears pricked at my eyes. "Did you never think that perhaps I feel the need to engage in practice combat for my own good? If you do not even wish to help me, I do not know to whom I can turn." I hate it when Robin makes me do that. When I must explain everything on my mind to him it leaves me emotionally exhausted. It is unfair to think that he should be able to read my mind or my emotions as Raven does, but I cannot help but think that he could very well conclude what I was thinking if he only thought about it instead of pushing me away.

"Fine," Robin said quickly, his voice thick. "I'll… help you. But I don't think it's a good idea, and it kind of worries me that you feel you need to prove yourself so badly."

I pushed myself up and wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt him tense up beneath me and he put his arms down at his sides. "Thank you," I murmured, rubbing my cheek against his shoulder.

"Um… no problem. Get in the shower, though. You're freezing. I'll have clothes waiting for you in your room, as well as gauze so you can wrap your wrist until it's not as sore."

Since my Transformation, Raven had convinced Cyborg to install private bathrooms in each of our slumbering quarters. This was a relief, as we all had begun taking longer in the bathroom. I was able to experiment with new beauty routines and baths of bubbles, although I did not know how my friends spent their time in the bathroom. It was not acceptable to ask, however, and I did not.

I let hot water run until the room filled with steam. I stepped under the spray of water wearing my uniform, boots and all. I was reluctant to take it off, as it would be my last time wearing it. Raven helped me order a specially designed uniform from a store in the mall, and it would be arriving tomorrow. I undressed after my uniform became heavy with water. The water was especially hot on my cool skin, a new sensation that I had not felt before, as I never got cold because of my powers.

When I finished, I wrapped a fluffy towel around myself and walked into my room. White clothes were folded on my bed, and upon closer inspection, I realized that it was a karate uniform. The fabric was loose and the pants moved much better than the yoga pants.

I put the clothes on and looked at myself in the mirror. I did not usually like dressing in white. It made my skin tone much more noticeable. The pants were comfortable and settled around my hips, feeling almost too big, but an experimental tug on the waistband found them suitable. The shirt wrapped around me, tying once on the inside and again around my waist, similar to a robe. The neckline was a high v-neck and the sleeves belled out around my wrists.

Finding the clothes suitable, I went on to examine my hair. If I let it dry without combing it intermittently, it curled. I did not exactly wish for Robin to see my hair that way, but I also did not wish to keep him waiting. I swept it into the tail of ponies, grimacing at my reflection before hurrying out of the room.

I made my way to the dojo, glad to see that Robin was already there, dressed in the same attire I wore. He smiled when I entered, but I could tell that he was nervous.

"Alright, so, since your hand's injured, we're using these." He gestured to the wall behind me and I turned to look. Two bo-staves leaned against it and I picked one up.

I tested the weight carefully. It was made of wood, a bountiful Earth resource that came in an annoyingly wide variety, so I could not pick out which kind by feel alone. The staff was solid but not heavy, and the thickness was perfect for my hand. It was weighted a little on the ends.

Robin took the other staff and moved to the center of the room. I followed absently, looking at the intricate carvings on the weapon. I ran my finger along curving lines, stopping when I recognized some Japanese characters. There was the kanji for 'peace', 'fierce', 'strong', and, strangely, 'bat'. I guessed this was a custom made piece. I was trying to find more characters, trailing my index finger down one of the swirling lines, when Robin cleared his throat.

I looked up at him, wondering what the problem was.

"Kay, Star, you should probably get in a starting position, which is—"

I smiled a little and assumed the correct position—knees bent slightly, the staff held in front of me diagonally, the way Robin had been holding his in the alley. I couldn't help but feel amused as he studied me, unable to correct my form.

"Oh, um, good. Right." He studied me quietly and I wish I knew what he was thinking. He took up the position as well, and he said, "Are you ready?"

"Indeed I am," I answered, twitching my head so that my ponytail fell in a more comfortable spot on my back.

"Go," he commanded softly.

I let out a shout as I leaped toward him. He blocked my attack by tilting the staff vertically. I grew a little suspicious as that move was very passive, and he did not even attempt to get in a counter attack. I spun around and dodged an attack that he only feinted.

Our staves clacked together, the sound of wood on wood ringing out as vibrations went through our fingers from the impact. I aimed the staff a little higher, at his chest, which he countered with a sweep-kick. Aggravatingly, he was slowing down his actions, making them easier to dodge.

I went in for another attack, deciding to slowly force him against the wall. I had seen Robin backed against a wall, and this was in fact a poor strategy, because he was at his best when he had a surface behind him as it helped his acrobatic maneuvers. But this way he would be forced to fight to fend me off instead of ducking and feinting.

As I jumped over a kick, I gave him a reproachful look. "You are not even trying," I scolded.

Robin raised an eyebrow at me and opened his mouth to defend himself, but I was not about to give him the chance. I swept the staff under his feet and brought the opposite end of the staff down on his shoulder as he was the slightest bit slow on his dodge. I was beginning to attack him with more intensity than I had been using, and I may have hurt him if he did not move his staff to block mine at the last second. I still hit his shoulder, but it was little more than a soft tap.

I was getting frustrated. I backed him up a little more. He was being docile. Predictable. I had watched Robin fight too many times to know that if he was being this easy to manipulate, he was not the one being manipulated. He wanted me to bring him closer to the wall. I pulled back a little, attempting to salvage my plan, when he flipped back into the corner and pushed himself off the wall, landing easily behind me so that I was between him and the wall. It was a much neater execution of the move I had used earlier on Beast Boy.

I turned to face him, wishing that I could at least summon the green glow to my eyes. I advanced carefully, expecting him to begin striking back. I aimed a kick at him and he spun his bo-staff to block it, then quickly swept it under my foot.

I landed heavily on my back, the wind knocked out of me. My Earth-body was considerably worse at falling than my Tamaranean one. Earthlings were so fragile. I would hate being one.

"Star? Are you oka—?"

I snapped my eyes open and kicked his chest with both feet as he approached to make sure I was all right, sending him into the air. Perhaps it was a sneaky move, but I did not want him to check that I was the okay. I wanted him to attempt to defeat me. I kicked out again and arched my back, landing on my feet in a crouch.

Robin caught himself with a one handed back-handspring and then he slid on the mats with the impact. He rubbed his chest with the heel of his hand and I gave him a smug smile. That is what he would get if he did not take me seriously.

He rushed me, jumping a few feet away to deliver a kick. I put out my forearm to block him, which I realized belatedly would have been a better move if I was wearing my gauntlets. He pushed me to the ground, knocking the staff out of my hand, and I rolled with the force of his kick. I pushed myself to my knees, trying to reach the dropped staff.

Robin leaped between it and me and I stood, deciding to abandon it. He had an air of finality about him, and I knew he considered the battle over. I stepped toward him and he seemed surprised. How could he think I would let him win so easily? I spun through the air and aimed the heel of my foot at the staff, meaning to knock it away.

There was a quick, loud snap—I kicked it in half. I gaped at the splintered wood in his hands. I felt horrible for destroying such a beautiful weapon. I wondered if Robin would be angry with me. He threw the pieces of wood away dismissively and aimed a punch at my shoulder.

I blocked it with my forearm. I grabbed his extended arm and spun myself over it, getting into position to kick him again. He caught me by the ankle and spun his arms, flattening his hands as he did so, which made a perfect base from which I could kick away. The force of the spin knocked me off balance, and I teetered in the air, rolling my ankle as I landed messily.

If only I could fly.

I clenched my teeth and reared my arm back, curling my fingers into a tight fist, meaning to aim starbolts at his feet to force him forward. I kicked myself mentally—I could not do that either. Robin must think I was losing my mind.

He wiped his forehead, looking expectant. I panted a little. The room was so hot. The rain on the windows was streaking across the fog on the panes, creating lines of clear black night. Hair was escaping from my ponytail—I could feel it sticking to my neck and some scratched against my cheek.

I threw myself at him again, determined. I delivered hard, quick kicks, which he blocked, to my annoyance. I was moving almost as fast as I could, and I could not tell whether or not he was even having difficulty blocking me. I cried out, unleashing as much energy as I could as my foot made contact with Robin's shoulder and I pushed off him hard, spinning a little.

I nearly landed on my side, but I caught myself and twisted in the air, landing in a sloppy roll before leaping up. I saw Robin collide with the wall and I threw myself in front of him, crashing into the wall and trapping him where he was with my palms on either side of his shoulders.

I waited for him to counter attack and was thankful when he decided against it. I was exhausted. I stepped away a little and tossed my head back, shaking it slightly to make my bangs slide away from my eyes.

"Good job," he said, watching me. "To be honest, I wasn't expecting that. You gave me a run for my money." I was not sure what money had to do with anything, but I did not interrupt. "I think if we have a few more of these sessions, it'll benefit you a lot."

I beamed. More sessions; he wanted to do more sessions. I looked into his eyes, trying to peer through his mask at them. I relaxed, leaning forward and putting my palm on the wall up by his shoulder, panting. I let my head drop as I concentrated on breathing, such a necessary function for humans. More so than for Tamaraneans.

"That was most invigorating," I panted, and I beamed at him again.

It was hard to tell with the mask, but Robin seemed to be looking at me. Just looking, noticing things and observing. It made my breath hitch, which was distracting as I was trying to regain it. He gulped audibly, and something about it made me want to giggle. I unsuccessfully tried to pull back my smile, so I ducked my head in hopes that he would not see it.

After a few moments of trying to catch my breath, I looked up at him. Bending my arm made us much closer, and I knew that he was about to redraw the line that I always seemed to cross. I would enjoy the proximity until then. My breath came in slowly and calmness washed over me. It was so easy to push when I knew that he was simply going to push back. He would duck under my arm any second.

I traced the curved of his cheek with my eyes down to the softness of his mouth, my eyes dropping to his chin and throat and the little bit of chest that the tunic revealed. I flicked my gaze up to his eyes before he became uncomfortable, looking at him through my eyelashes. My breath was coming in deep and slow and I felt almost mesmerized.

"Star…" Robin murmured, and he cupped my cheek with his hand. I closed my eyes, wondering if he meant to kiss me. My blood raced through my veins and it felt like I had regained the ability to regulate my body temperature, as I did indeed heat up all at once.

He traced his hand up my cheek into my hair and I leaned into him, bending my arms until my chest touched his. His hand tensed in my hair and I wondered if he would push me back, but he relaxed and the hand not in my hair slid to my hip. His breath brushed against my collarbone and shocks of electricity bloomed underneath the skin where his breath touched me. I put my hands against his shoulders and slid one up to touch the hair at the nape of his neck. It was spiked as usual, but some of it had fallen loose, just as mine had.

I was not thinking. I do not believe that he was, either. I tugged at the band that held his tunic closed and it fell open, exposing his abdomen which I raked my fingers down. His fingers slipped under my tunic and stroked at my stomach.

I leaned forward, out of instinct, and I pressed my lips against his.

After a moment that seemed like something out of a dream, he pushed me back. Roughly.

He drew the line at kissing.

"Wait, wait, wait," he murmured, and I crossed my arms angrily. "I'm sorry. Really sorry."

"I do not want you to be—"

"I shouldn't have done that. I'm an idiot."

"I believe that it is I who initiated lip contact," I snapped. "Is it not me, then, who is the idiot?"

"Starfire," Robin said, sounding rather helpless, and he pushed his hand through his hair. It was a gesture that I knew he only used when he was very upset, and I do not know if that made me angry or upset or if it placated me. "It's not like that."

"It is not like what, Robin? It is not like you enjoy lip contact with me?"

He let out a violent breath. "Stop it. This isn't about that."

"This is not about enjoyment?" I clarified, confused.

"It's not about me. It's not—it's not supposed to be about you, either." He said the last part apologetically.

"Then who is it about, Robin? I am failing to understand."

"I already told you," he groaned. "It's not like I can—there're so many—I can't. Starfire, I can't."

I glared at him, hoping that he would realize that he did not really say anything. "Robin, this—" I gestured between him and me, "should not be about anything but how you feel about me and how I feel about you."

"Don't you think it would be easier for me if it could be like that?" he snapped defensively. "Don't you realize how much I want—" Realizing what he was saying, he cut himself off. "It's not like that, though, and it can't be."

"Surely if you truly wished to pursue a relationship with me, none of the reasons we discussed would matter," I said, hurt.

He snapped his mouth closed after I said that, unable or unwilling to argue.

I felt victorious in an awful way, having sealed my defeat and my victory in one blow. "So that is true," I concluded, dropping my gaze to my feet. "Perhaps it is best if I go."

In the incredibly fast, incredibly quiet way that he moves, Robin yanked me back by my good wrist and I stumbled until I hit the wall. He put his palms on the wall, trapping me there. I was still taller than him at this point, although not by as much as I used to be. Tamaranean growth cycles are not the same as humans'—Robin looked to be gaining on me in height, although I was not finished growing myself. There might soon be a day where he is taller than me, and that would last briefly until I grew again in another year or so.

"It's not that," Robin growled, fixing his eyes on me and frowning so deeply. "I care about you, Starfire. A lot more than I should."

I tried to shrink into the wall. He was so close. I hated myself for wanting to kiss him again. This was not a time to be thinking of that. He made it so much more difficult to concentrate by cupping my cheek in his hand.

"I wish it could be different."

"It can be," I told him. "You do not need to exclude me from—"

This was the wrong thing to say, apparently. Robin flinched away from me and paced over the matted floor. "It's not that I'm excluding you, Star. Things are… complicated. There's… Well, there's Batman and there's everything from Gotham…" Robin had never spoken to me personally about his former home, and especially not his family, Batman included, but even I knew what he meant. After Beast Boy found out that I was ignorant about other heroes of Earth, he showed me several pictures and websites called 'blogs' about Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, and many others. And there were many of Batman and Robin. "I don't know if I want to bring all that here," Robin continued. "I don't know if I'm ready."

I did not know what to say to that. It was so unfair of him to hide behind his excuses while he was sending me the mixed up signals. But if he truly was not ready, what could I do? I certainly did not wish to force Robin into a relationship he did not want.

"Please say something," he said timidly, and I realized that I had been brooding to myself for longer than I intended.

"There is not much to say," I said dully. "You wish to remain as friends and I wish for more."

"I'm sorry," he offered. And I do believe he meant it, which did not improve my mood. I did not wish for him to be sorry; I wished for him to change his mind.

Thinking that made me feel like a terrible friend. I should be more sympathetic to Robin's struggles. And I wanted to be. It was difficult when his struggles were also my struggles, however.

"I accept your apology." The words came out flat, and he was not satisfied with my answer, I could tell.

"Are you sure?" he asked worriedly. "Because I don't want it to get… Uncomfortable between us."

I had not been thinking about what would happen next. I rarely do. Raven said that it was most likely because of my emotional behavior. She said that is what happens when you act on your emotions as often and as quickly as I insisted on acting on mine. What would it be like tomorrow after this discussion?

Oh, X'hal. I kissed him. Now that I thought about it, I could not keep my eyes off his mouth. Why had he said that? I had not been thinking of tomorrow before, but I certainly was now. And I was panicking about it.

"Starfire?" Robin called, and I snapped my gaze back to his eyes.

I gave him the best smile I could muster. "We are friends, Robin. That is too valuable to me to give up because of a misunderstanding or miscommunication or mistake."

"Wait. I don't think you understand what I meant. It wasn't a mistake, I just can't—"

"No, Robin, everything is fine." My face was beginning to hurt from smiling so forcefully. "I am going to retire to my room. I will see you tomorrow morning. Pleasant shlorvaks." I walked calmly out the door and, after making sure Robin was not going to follow or look out the door after me, I ran.

I ran up the stairs and did not stop running until I was in front of Raven's room. Her room was always my destination when I was upset and could not go to Robin. Now that I stood in front of her door, ready to repeat the entire incident to her, pressure was building at the back of my eyes. I knocked on her door. "Raven?"

The door slid open, revealing Raven sitting in front of her pillows and Beast Boy lying across the end of her bed. "Star?" Raven answered, looking confused. No doubt she was reading my emotions.

"Hey, Star," Beast Boy greeted me, oblivious to what Raven sensed immediately. "Are you dressing up as the Karate Kid?"

I had forgotten that I was still wearing the hakama that Robin had gotten for me. "I am sorry to interrupt, b-but—" I cut myself off as my voice shook, and Beast Boy sat up properly and frowned.

"Is everything all right?" Raven asked as she got up from her be to lead me to it.

"Um…" Beast Boy rolled off the end of the bed and scratched the back of his neck. "I'm gonna… go to my room."

Raven murmured something to him as I sat on her bed, looking at my lap. I did not really feel like crying, but I certainly did not want Beast Boy to be in here.

"Feel better, Star," he said as he slid Raven's door open and slipped through it.

"What happened?" Raven asked, sitting in the middle of her bed and crossing her legs patiently.

"It was Robin," I answered, my voice less shaky but not very strong. "We were sparring—"

Raven's eyebrows shot up close to her hairline. "How'd you get him to agree to spar with you?"

I blinked, trying to remember that far back. My mind was slightly scrambled. "He helped me avoid a situation with a gang of boys on the way home."

She lowered one eyebrow, confused. "Okay."

I did not feel like clearing that up for her. "We were sparring and he…" I paused, trying to think of how best to put what had happened. "He did not kiss me. I thought he would, but he did not. So I kissed him and he would not allow lip contact to—"

"What?" Raven demanded, shocked.

"Oh, it is very confusing. I think I may have made a mistake."

"I _am_ getting confused from you." Raven squinted as she read my emotions carefully. "And scared."

"I am very frightened that I have made a mistake."

"How? In kissing him?"

"Well, yes. That was a lapse in judgment on my part. But I think I have made a mistake in falling in love with him."

Raven froze and I squeezed my eyes shut. Of course Raven knew about my crush on Robin, and I knew that she had known for a long time, quite possibly before I knew about it. But this was the first time I ever admitted to myself, even in private, that I loved him.

Love is supposed to be a comforting feeling, filled with excitement and smiles and attachment. So why was I wondering with a certain amount of dread how this had happened?

"Love?" Raven repeated gingerly, as though the word was the verbal form of a dirty sock that she held between two fingers while covering her nose. "Are you sure? That's pretty big."

"I am not sure of anything," I said mournfully. "But I think it may be. And I feel… rejected. And cheated. Because I think that if he were not so preoccupied with his commitment to leadership and to the Batman, he could have returned that feeling."

Raven kept her face carefully blank. This must be a truly odd position for her, knowing both of our emotions when we hardly knew them, ourselves. "It's not too late," she said finally.

"It is not? But he has decided—"

"Give it time. You have to remember, Star, that you've just gone through a big change, too. Maybe he wants to see you get your powers back first. Maybe he feels like you're vulnerable now."

I had not considered that. I supposed that my emotions were a bit hectic since the transsubstantiation. He did not list that as any of his reasons for refusing a relationship with me, but perhaps it was something he was aware of subconsciously. Or perhaps it was only something Raven said to make me feel better.

"I do not wish to manipulate him into something he does not want." I sighed wistfully. "If only he wanted what I want."

Raven sighed. "I really wish I could help you," she said apologetically.

"Do not tell me his emotions," I insisted. "If he cannot tell me himself, I do not wish to know. It would only make things more difficult."

"You're probably right. Go to sleep, Starfire. Your uniform'll get here tomorrow, so you have that to look forward to."

I stood, and rolled the belled sleeve of the tunic in my hand nervously.

"And, if you want, I can tell you what you missed at the mall while we're putting together your uniform."

Oh! In my own confusion, I had forgotten that Raven and Beast Boy had essentially had their first date! Shame flooded through me—I should have asked, but instead I ruined Raven's night with my whining and my problems that she could not solve.

"Don't worry about it," she soothed in response to my emotions. "It's really not a big deal, so don't go getting overly excited."

"Of course," I answered innocently, and backed out of her room.

I could not help but notice that Robin's door was closed and the light was off as I passed it. This meant that he had not returned or that he was asleep already. Talking with Raven made me much less spiteful, and I wished that he was pleasantly asleep in his bed.

Although a large part of me knew that he was still in the dojo room, kicking at the many limbed practice dummy he seemed so fond of.

**Every time I wrote this chapter (which, by the way, is no less than **_**five times**_** and that is not even an exaggeration) it turned out very differently. I will do minimal editing of this chapter because I am positive that I will hate it when I go back to edit it and want to change everything around. I had them kiss, I had them physically fight, I had them get together right in this chapter, I had them decide not to speak to each other. This is the middle ground. I am **_**not**_** changing anything. (Even though I'm still not all the way happy, but like I said. Middle.)**

**Hakama is the karate outfit, by the way. **

**Also, before writing this chapter, I had no idea that the plural of staff as in bo-staff is **_**staves**_**. Not staffs. I'd like to think that this is because I've never needed to know it before and have never so much as seen an actual bo-staff in real life, I don't think, and not because I fail at grammar. **

**Starfire narration was okay in this chapter. I think it's been better. **

**Speaking of which, this is the last chapter that I'm rewriting from third person! So if the writing style or quality suddenly changes, sorry. I began writing this January and then I stopped to write Reach and other oneshots and now it's May. Maybe I have improved, maybe I have not. Maybe it'll show, maybe this last paragraph is unnecessary. I'm just glad I can do new stuff, because doing the rewrites feels like I'm not getting anything done at all. And I dislike that.**

The green glow was working its way up my arm, and the hem of my shirt was disintegrating as heat licked at it. Robin was attempting to say something, but I ignored him. Getting to my room was more important right now. The material at my knee was disintegrating, and more would follow soon.

I shut the door to my room, shaking. My clothes were burning, my visible skin was glowing green, and I was seeing everything through a crackling screen of glowing green, which indicated that my eyes were glowing.


	7. Greslik'r

**Guys I'm so sorry about the late update, I usually try to get chapters up around 5 and it's way later than that now. I also want to invite you guys to my Damian Wayne/Mar'i Grayson party that you already know about if you follow me on tumblr. I'm doing a drabble fic about them and you get one update a day for a month. That's over on ao3 or tumblr (although my ao3 account is more organized right now.) Check it out if you're interested, links in my profile.  
**

**Chapter 7 – Greslik'r**

I hardly had time to complete my morning routine—brush my teeth and hair, do the breaking of the nightly fast, and dress myself in one of the new 'outfits' that Raven and I bought at the mall of shopping, when Raven appeared at my door with my new uniform encapsulated in her powers.

Putting on the uniform was such fun. Observing it when I had put it on was a different matter.

Raven and I kept the top almost the same as it had been, although, obviously, it was longer. I did not want to give up the neck guard—it is the symbol of a warrior to my people, and I was still a warrior. That much had not changed. It was still sleeveless, although I added grey horizontal panels on my hips that went up my sides and down my legs until they met my boots at the middle of my shins, which were the same grey color. The material of my pants was the same color as my shirt, and they tucked into my boots. I kept my gauntlets, for I felt naked without them.

I also added, under the gauntlets, gray fingerless gloves. These were of Tamaranean design, used commonly by my people, although Blackfire and I stopped wearing them when we acquired starbolts.

Squeezing my hand into a tight fist while wearing these gloves releases claws that jut out from the back of my wrist. I never had use for them before, but they could very well come in handy without my powers.

"Everything fit okay?" Raven asked, watching me from my bed.

"Oh, yes. Everything is glorious," I assured her quickly.

"Then what's wrong?" Her voice was meek, allowing me the choice to redirect the conversation.

I did like my new uniform. The panels had been my idea—a way of incorporating the traditional Tamaranean armor without actually wearing the armor, which would be an insult to my culture, as those who had been Transsubstantiated were no longer warriors and thus disrespecting the armor if they wore it. The extra coverage of my stomach and legs would take some getting used to, but doubtlessly it would keep me warmer.

My spirits were indeed dampened, however. Wearing this Earth clothing reminded me that things would never be as they were. This was, indeed, taking a step forward. Doing this would help me feel more secure and less like I was a depowered and unworthy shell of what I was. But it also meant giving up my identity, although my name and face remained the same. Moving forward meant that I was forfeiting my right to look back. I would have to get used to that.

It was not as though I did not wish to remain on Earth. In a way, staying was a relief for me, because I would not need to take the throne. I had been dreading that. However, this raised new problems. Who would take my place? Karras, perhaps. Although that raised still more issues. Dissenters would be angry, those who wished for me to take the throne would be angry, and a new ruler would need to be appointed to Kalapatt, Karras's land.

I had to force myself to think of what was going on right now instead of getting lost in the struggles of my planet, which was so close to my heart but so very far away. If I did not focus, I would become lost in the vastness of my confusion and my sense of loss.

"Nothing is wrong," I told Raven, more because I knew the others were waiting to see my new uniform and I did not wish to keep them waiting than because I did not wish to talk about it. Besides, I had burdened Raven with my gloominess enough as of late.

"Okay," she said, acknowledging that I did not wish to talk about it. "Let's go show the boys."

I followed meekly, feeling dispirited. It was not that I did not wish to show my friends my new uniform. It was that most of the time when heroes changed their costume or their name, it marked growth. Mine marked decay; the lack of powers instead of the gaining of new ones or the mastering of ones I already had. Thinking that made me embarrassed at the thought of parading around in my uniform for my friends, and I think Raven sensed this because she began attempting to cheer my spirits.

"It looks good," she said, somewhat awkwardly. "It's very you."

"Thank you. Raven," I began gently, "please do not worry yourself over the gloominess I feel. I suspect that it will not go away for a few days, at least, but I am the okay. I simply need to adjust."

She still looked worried, but she simply nodded.

Raven typed her keycode into the panel on the side of the door and we entered the operations room.

Sarah, Cyborg's girlfriend, was visiting. Cyborg needed clearance to bring her here, but Robin was surprisingly lenient. I think having someone else who did not have powers in our presence reminded him of some things that he lost sight of when it is just us. When she saw me, she gasped in excitement and rushed over to Raven and me. "Oh my god, that's so cute!" Sarah gushed. With a hand on my shoulder, she urged me to spin. I did, giggling. I enjoy spending time with Sarah; her presence here reminded Beast Boy, Raven, and I why we do what we do, as sometimes we become so wrapped up in our own lives we forget about the people we protect. She also has a wonderful personality, a nice change from Raven's quiet, and at times harsh, personality; not that Raven's personality usually bothers me.

"Wow! You look great!"

"I thank you," I said, feeling somewhat embarrassed, as now Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy were observing me, as well. I tried especially hard to avoid looking at Robin.

"Listen," Sarah added, leaning close to me and speaking softly. "I want you to know that if you ever need a break and you want to hang out… I'm here for you, okay?"

I hugged her, which seemed to surprise her, although she was used to my stronger hugs and she relaxed quickly.

"Very cool," Cyborg commented as Sarah released me.

"Yeah! I like the boots!" Beast Boy chirped.

"Thank you Beast Boy," I said, shaking my head. Beast Boy was trying to be supportive, although he did not really know what to say. His enthusiasm was genuine, which made me feel enthusiastic, as well.

I did not want to look in Robin's direction. I was not angry with him or attempting to stay aloof, because I am sure he knew how I felt and there was no point in acting the high and mighty now. It was not that I did not care what Robin thought; it was that I cared what Robin thought too much. Especially after yesterday, it would be odd to see him study my uniform and, by extension, me.

The fact that I did not wish to notice him did not affect my actions, apparently, because I sneaked a glance in his direction, anyway. He seemed dissatisfied. His mouth was set in a grim line and his eyes were narrowed analytically. When he noticed that I was looking at him, his features softened into a supportive smile, which I received with a small smile of my own.

"Maybe B can change his costume now," Cyborg teased with a gentle shove at the changeling.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, frowning. "My uniform's awesome!"

"Okay," Cyborg answered sarcastically, rolling his exaggeratedly.

Beast Boy inspected his uniform uncomfortably, and Sarah swatted Cyborg on the arm and assured him, "Beast Boy, sweetie, your uniform's fine the way it is."

"Yeah?" he questioned hopefully. "Girls dig the purple?"

"Girls dig the purple," Sarah agreed with a giggle.

"Hey!" Cyborg complained, throwing an arm around Sarah. "You hittin' on my girl, B?"

"Yep. She'll leave you for me, anyway, once I kick your butt in Super Ninja Fury."

"I think you're dreamin', Green Bean!"

We played the game of videos, called MarioKart. Beast Boy was very good at this game, although he did usually attack Cyborg's car instead of mine or Sarah's. It was a nice way to feel normal again, even if I found the game repetitive.

My friends loved me for who I am, not because of how powerful I am. They hardly see my outward appearance—my intimidating height, my hair which is oddly colored for a human, my gold-hued skin, my fully colored eyes—they see my personality. I suppose I should have realize that sooner, with Cyborg and Beast Boy also feeling insecure about their appearances, but I did not. I never felt insecure before.

The difference between my worries about my heritage and Cyborg's fear of rejection and Beast Boy's insecurities over being green is that I come from a place where I am the picture of normalcy. Right now, my lack of strength and flight are impeding on that picture, but judging by appearance, I am the model of a healthy Tamaranean, and even somewhat attractive. It is only on Earth, where everyone around me seems so strange, that I am thought of as wrong. This is something that has never bothered me much, as all it took for me to regain my confidence was a trip to Tamaran.

But now that option was gone, and I was no longer the picture of normalcy. I was deformed. Crippled.

The love of my friends took the sting out of losing my identity, but it did not cover up the need to become familiar with myself once again.

I think Raven understood that. She went through the process of redefining herself after we defeated Trigon, and she was most incommunicative for some time, preferring the company of books and her rituals. She grew into her new self and in time she got past that. I believe I need to achieve something similar.

No one attempted to make me stay when I excused myself after hours of gaming videos. Cyborg was about to prepare dinner for all of us, so I would not be gone for very long. I simply needed some time to escape.

The rooftop has always been my favorite place, although I suppose it is because I could recharge in the rays of the sun there. I no longer needed the sun for vitality, but the spot called out to me. The wind was blowing from the bay, salty with the sweet smell of fading summer mixed in.

I could pinpoint the spot in the sky, covered in adorably fluffy louds and the light of the sun, where Vega would appear in a few hours.

Galfore did not know about my situation yet. I could not bring myself to call him. The embarrassment he would feel made me feel guilty, and I did not wish to tell him about it until I was sure his reaction would not upset me further.

There was still the matter of Karras's letter, which should currently be on its way. I should consider the matter irrelevant now, as surely he would never consider marrying me now, even if it was for the political good of Tamaran.

I sighed. I needed to stop thinking about Tamaran and the problems that accompanied my beloved homeworld. Temporarily distancing myself would make me feel better.

The wind was ruffling my hair, blowing back over my shoulder and letting the sun wash over my arms. My gauntlets glinted in the sun, which was beginning to glow pink as it set. The world was at peace. I should be, also.

I sighed again, content, this time. I leaned so that my back was against the roof while my feet dangled over the edge. (I had yet to develop a fear of falling.)

"Hey."

I closed my eyes, attempting to remain peaceful. "Greetings, Robin."

He stood close. If I reached my hands up, I could touch his ankle. I was glad of Robin's company, although it made me nervous. It was not the knowledge of what we shared and the fact that he rejected me that made me uncomfortable; it was that he might mention those things. That made me feel as though I could not talk to Robin comfortably, and if I could not speak to him, what was left of our friendship?

"It's nice out," he said simply.

"Yes," I agreed, ignoring the fact that we were carrying on a conversation about the weather because we did not know what else to say to each other. "It is odd to imagine that days ago, I was trapped under a sheet of ice."

"Cold themed powers do throw you," Robin agreed. There was a short silence, and for a moment I wondered whether Robin left the silent way that he does. "So, you designed that suit yourself?" he asked conversationally.

"Yes, with help from Raven," I answered.

"What material did you make it from, out of curiosity?" he continued.

I snapped my eyes open. "Spandex, mainly." I pushed myself up on my elbow and put an arm out behind me. "Why?" I demanded suspiciously.

"No, nothing." He paused, then added, "It's just, you know, you should probably make it waterproof. And fireproof. Stab resistant, possibly, and—"

"I doubt that Raven's uniform is any of those things," I told him defensively, struggling to keep my voice level.

"Yeah, I know, but she has powers to deflect heat and water, and she doesn't usually engage in close-range combat like you do, so she doesn't need to worry about stab wounds," he said as though we were still having a conversation about weather.

"Beast Boy's uniform is not waterproof, if I recall," I reminded him sweetly.

"Actually, since that night we were stuck out in the rain and Beast Boy got sick, I had him upgrade it. His doesn't matter as much, either, seeing as it disappears when he shapeshifts."

"Robin, this was the best I could do on my own," I snapped.

"Well, I know. And you did a good job. The uniform's functional and spandex _is_ a good choice because it moves well. It's just not the best quality. It isn't your fault, Star. Don't get upset."

"I am simply attempting to move forward and now you are telling me that I have done a poor job," I sulked.

"I wasn't saying you did a bad job. I'm just trying to help." His voice was apologetic.

I stood, feeling vulnerable so far below him, and I clutched my arm with my right hand. "My apologies. I am still very unsure about everything and moving forward is daunting." Robin has always been easy to talk to, more so than Raven. I have never known why. Perhaps it is because he always seems so eager to listen. "It feels like I am forgetting Tamaran."

"We'll fix it," Robin promised fiercely. "We _will_ find Crux and he _will_ tell us how to reverse it."

"Robin, there is no reversal," I said in a small voice.

"There has to be one. There's always a way out, Star. I know that much."

"Perhaps I am the 'out' now, and you are trying to get me back in."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Have I ever told you about how Blackfire and I gained our ability to wield starbolts, Robin?" I asked. Suddenly I felt very small.

"No. I mean, I guessed that it was something to do with being a Tamaranean princess."

How very reminiscent of a fairy tale. I was tempted to tell him that he was correct in guessing. "No. My brother does not have the ability to sculpt starbolts from solar energy."

"Oh. No, I don't know."

I stepped away a little bit and clutched at both my arms. Robin's eyebrows furrowed and I could tell that he was alarmed. He was good at reading my body language, and I suppose that it did not help that I wished to curl into myself, to become as small as I felt, but I continued on as I was.

"As you know, I was taken by the Gordanians an delivered to the Citadel, where I served them as a slave. I injured one of my masters when he attempted to bring harm to me, and I was sentenced to death. That was shortly before I landed here." I paused and smiled at Robin, although he did not return the gesture.

"The Gordanians were transporting me back to the Citadel to be executed, and my sister was there to gloat at my downfall. The ship was attacked by the Psions, with whom I believe you are familiar because of your Green Lantern, and my sister and I were captured as experiments. They secured us into a machine that pumped raw solar energy into us." I paused and glanced down. "They wanted to see how much energy they could fill us with before we died from what could be called an overdose. The Citadel attacked the ship in the middle of the experiment to reclaim their slave, and the machine was damaged. I escaped and freed my sister from her pod, and I found myself crash landing on Earth shortly after, empowered with starbolts."

Robin was glaring at a spot on the ground, seeming deep in thought.

"I was merely thinking… Perhaps, without my starbolts, I am now the 'out', attempting to get back in."

"Were you happy with your starbolts, Star?" Robin asked.

"I… Yes. It gave me the power to help people so that terrible things that I had seen would never happen to them. But they were part of a curse. Perhaps I am not meant to have them."

"Star," Robin murmured, and he stepped up close to me. "Do you want them back?"

The starbolts were very helpful during my time as a Titan, and I grew so accustomed to having them, but they also serve as a reminder of the Citadel. Of my time as a slave. I closed my eyes, deliberating.

"Yes," I answered finally. "Yes, I want them."

I peeked at him, opening my eyes a little, and I saw him reach out to me and rest his thumb on my cheek. He had come closer to me than I thought. "Then I'll help you get them back."

He was doing it again. Looking at me. Not speaking, not moving. Just looking. It was making me fidgety, and as I came very close to either backing away or throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him again, he flinched his hand back. "Ouch," he muttered, looking at his hand, confused.

"What is it?"

"Star… your skin is…" He reached out to touch my arm and he stopped short of contact. "It's hot."

"Excuse me?"

"You're burning up," he clarified. "I can't touch you."

I raised my hands to my eyes, staring. I did not feel any different.

"Your hair," Robin pointed out, sounding very alarmed now.

I pulled some in front of my face and I noticed that it was flaming at the ends. "Oh… X'hal… Robin…" As I spoke, the tips of my fingers were taken by a green glow, which shimmered like a weak starbolt, although I was unable to form one.

I ran to the door that let into the Tower, Robin behind me.

"What's the matter?"

"I require Raven's assistance," I told him as calmly as I could. The green glow was working its way up my arm, and the hem of my shirt was disintegrating as heat licked at it. Robin was attempting to say something, but I ignored him. Getting to my room was more important right now. The material at my knee was disintegrating, and more would follow soon.

I shut the door to my room, shaking. My clothes were burning, my visible skin was glowing green, and I was seeing everything through a crackling screen of glowing green, which indicated that my eyes were glowing. Raven entered not too long after. "What's wrong?" she asked, and when she saw me her eyes widened. "Azar. You're on fire."

"Yes, I know," I answered. "My clothing is—" I gestured to my stomach, which was as bare as it had been before I changed uniforms, and it was disintegrating into black dust before my eyes.

"Here." Raven gathered my comforter from my bed with her powers and draped it around my shoulders. "Fireproof bedding. Robin's paranoia finally pays off."

"Raven, I fear I am dying."

She lowered an eyebrow at me. "What?"

"Tamaraneans capture the power of the sun. We store in our bodies like a battery, replenishing it constantly when we are in the sun. When a Tamaranean dies, their body releases the stored energy in this fashion, called the grelisk'r," I explained shakily. "I am dying."

Raven attempted to put her hand on my forehead, but she found that I was too hot to touch. She used her powers to establish physical contact with me, and it was only then that I realized how hot I truly was. Her powers are normally cold, but this time they almost burned, so great was the difference in temperature. I gasped when they touched me, out of surprise and the pain that accompanies great coldness, and I could feel her taking measurements of my body's function.

"I don't know, Starfire," she said when she finished. "Everything seems perfectly normal except for your temperature. You're certainly not dying."

"Truly?" I asked, relieved.

She rolled her eyes at me. "Yeah, truly."

"Oh, that is a relief."

"Robin seemed pretty worried," Raven mentioned.

"I _did _spontaneously burst into flame in front of him," I reminded her.

"Yeah, I know. I was wondering if anything had been… you know… going on between the two of you."

I tilted my head at her, grinning. "Are you asking for the gossip?"

"No," she insisted, a nervous blush rising to her cheeks. "I was only _wondering_ if—"

"Oh, Raven, it is the okay. I suppose we were on the cusp of a moment when the grelisk'r interrupted, but nothing of interest was occurring."

"I guess worrying about you is one of those things that comes naturally to Robin," Raven mused.

I was not quite sure how to react to that, so I curled into my duvet more securely.

"So… I never got around to telling you about the rest of my night," Raven mumbled awkwardly.

"Oh!" I gasped. "That is correct! How was your date?"

One of my drawers was forced out of its place in my dresser and it crashed into the opposite wall. I burrowed into my duvet, letting out a startled, "Eep!"

"It was not a date," Raven growled, very embarrassed and blushing furiously. I stared at her, wide-eyed. She generally controlled her emotions better.

"Wow," I breathed. "You must like Beast Boy very much."

One of the springs on my mattress shot through the top, shredding the material. I giggled.

"I don't… He's okay. Sometimes. It would never work out, though."

"Why not?" Beast Boy had been doing much of the flirting with Raven lately. Surely she must have picked up on it? And reading his emotions must have been a luxurious, easy way to gauge what he was thinking.

It occurred to me that perhaps she does not read our friends' emotions as often or as skillfully as she read mine, and I reminded myself to ask her about it at some later time.

"You saw how he was in Tokyo," Raven mumbled. "Chasing every girl in knee-socks and a short skirt."

"Oh, Raven. I cannot know what Beast Boy was thinking, and I doubt he would be open to a conversation about it. But he has done a remarkable amount of growing up since the Doom Patrol called him to their sides. Perhaps his emotional growth relapsed in the excitement, which led him to act out a childish fantasy where he was adored by many girls. Maybe he wished to take a break from attempting to gain your affections. Perhaps his interest in you began at the end of our trip, or he thought that you would be unwilling to give him the opportunity. Either way, instead of outright denying the possibility, you should have a conversation with Beast Boy about his behavior, if it bothers you?"

"Maybe one relationship crisis on the team is enough?" Raven rebutted weakly, with a small smile.

"If you wish to wait until Robin and I have sorted out our differences, you may be waiting forever. Do not be afraid, Raven. You may always come to me to do the gossiping if you are unsure about something," I reminded her, grinning.

"It wasn't much of an outing, anyway. After you left, Beast Boy dragged me to the pet store and he did complain about the newspapers at the bottom of the birds' cage."

"But then he remained in your room!"

"That was… We were just talking," she insisted. From the lack of anything flying across the room, I guessed that Raven was warming up to the idea of talking to me about what she felt for Beast Boy, if she truly did feel anything.

"There is a great deal of talking in a relationship," I pointed out innocently.

"Okay. After the pet store, he dragged me to a comic book store. He got the latest issue of Spider-Man and Deadpool and Black Widow, although why the boy reads superhero comic books is beyond me. I looked at them, too. You know, to be nice," she clarified, as though the idea of her enjoying into comic books was so ridiculous that I must not even consider it. "Then he showed me the Japanese comic books. Manga, they're called. Did you know Beast Boy speaks some Japanese? Not enough to actually be helpful, just what he picks up from the books."

"Anyway, long story short…" She pulled out a small book from her cloak and I carefully slid an arm out of my duvet-cocoon to better observe it. I opened the front, and raven said, "No, that's the back. Japanese books are right from right to left, because that's how that characters work. Beast Boy was telling me that yesterday when you came in. Who would have thought Beast Boy knew something about a book that I didn't?"

"That is very sweet." I handed the book back to Raven, who slid it back into her cloak and reached for my forehead again.

"You're still pretty hot. I guess there's nothing left to do but wait for you to cool down. I don't know how long it'll be before you stop burning clothes, so don't let Robin in here, okay? I know you're not embarrassed by nudity, but some of us are." She stood and crossed her arms. "I'm gonna go tell the others that you're okay. And, Star?"

"Yes?" I answered, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't tell anybody what we talked about. I know you wouldn't but it makes me feel better knowing that I have your word."

"I promise," I said, holding up my hand the way I have seen people do when they make promises.

"Good. If you haven't stopped burning before dinner, I'll bring you some." She set up a portal instead of bothering to use the door.

The burning lasted for a long time. I did not know if it was because I was alive or if it was because of the unusually large amount of sun I absorbed only two days ago, which seem like so much longer than that, but the greslik'r was lasting longer than I remembered having witnessed it to take.

There was not much to do to occupy myself, and I fell asleep early, swaddled in my blankets, wishing for the first time in quite a long time that I could be back on Tamaran, surrounded by people who knew what was going on even if they would shun me for it.

I began storming my brain for the letter that I knew I would need to send Galfore, and as I thought about that unpleasant task, I fell asleep.

Despite my inner struggles and my turmoil, my sleep was peaceful. A good sign, for certain.

**The panels on Starfire's uniform are completely inspired by the purple panels on Stephanie Brown's Batgirl uniform. I love that uniform. I was going to do a throwback to her 80s costume, but that took way too much time describing the clothes, and I don't think it would have ended up looking that great. With superhero costumes, simpler is better, I think.**

**Oops, sorry, Starfire's origin. I try not to put it in fics, because if you do any research at all, you already know it. And reading about it over and over in fics gets repetitive. Two quick paragraphs is really all the explanation you're going to get, unless you guys are confused and want me to go more in-depth.**

**The Tamaranean energy pyre greslik'r thing is my idea, and sort of my headcanon for cartoon and comics. Although I think the comics proves this wrong on at least one occasion.**

"Star. Um, there's also something else." "Something else?" I echoed stupidly, and an image of Robin leaning across the table to bestow upon me a kiss flitted through my mind, and I blinked multiple times in a row to force myself to focus. "Yeah." He reached under the table again and when he withdrew his hand, he was holding a silver belt. A utility belt. I was not prepared for that, not in the least. I gaped at it until Robin cleared his throat, and even then I only flicked my eyes up to his mask momentarily before staring back down at the belt.


	8. Uniform

**Chapter 8 - Uniform**

I have always had a habit of waking up feeling renewed. There is nothing wrong with this, except that waking up in a pleasant mood can be dangerous if the things around you are unpleasant.

It was not being human that was so unpleasant; it was the lack of Tamaranean in me that was unpleasant. And now that my body had expelled the remaining solar energy from my body, I felt even more depressed. Strange, considering I had not noticed its presence before. Feeling the loss of something you had not been fully aware of is an ache, as though something that was part of you had been taken out. I could only hope that the ache would dull over time, but I feared that, as well. This ache was all I had left of my former self.

I rolled out of my bed, the heaviness of the ache pulling down the corners of my mouth to a frown, making my head hang low. The other Titans would surely notice my demeanor and worry. For a moment, I contemplated practicing smiles at myself, but I ultimately decided that this was unnecessary. Civilian clothing was my only option for clothing, as my new uniform was burnt during the greslik'r. That was rather embarrassing, although I heard that Superboy chose to wear a t-shirt and jeans as a uniform.

I stalked into the operations room, where Cyborg was watching a program on the television about what appeared to be computer viruses and Robin was eating cereal. Beast Boy and Raven were oddly absent.

I took round slices of bologna out of the fridge and squirted mustard over the top of them, completing the dish by shaking sprinkles over the top of it.

Robin gave me a smile that was inordinately big and genuine for my mood. It was then that I remembered that I was not particularly happy with him for mocking my uniform yesterday.

"Good morning," I greeted him flatly as I cut my bologna into eight triangular slices with a knife.

"Morning," he answered cheerily.

That was… strange. Robin was not the type of person who enjoyed mornings. He slept very little, and I imagine that mornings were tiring. Around noon he generally seemed more awake, but this was strange behavior, indeed.

"You are in a cheerful mood," I observed.

"Am I?" he asked, his smile growing. "Just one of those days."

"I am glad you are in good spirits," I said wistfully, taking up a forkful of my breakfast.

"How are you feeling now that you're not on fire?" He was attempting to make light of the situation, but I was not in the mood to make light of anything, much less the strange things that were happening to me.

"Oh. That… was a normal part of the Tamarnean energy circulation system." It was not a lie. It was perfectly normal if one was dying. I supposed that it was logical that those who had been transsubstantiated underwent the greslik'r to expel the now unnecessary energy that they had stored. I had never heard of such things, although it was not conventional to teach much about the transsubstantiated.

"I'm glad that you're feeling better," he told me, and his voice was soft, but oddly breathy. He was nervous. "Is there something you wish to tell me?" I asked, tilting my head to show my interest. "Ah... No. Not exactly. Well, yeah. Sorta." He paused and I kept my face blank as I had no idea what any of that meant. "I have something for you." From under the table Robin pulled out a black box, thin and rectangular, and he placed it on the table. "Oh," I breathed, surprised. "It is a gift?" "No," he said quickly, defensively. "It wasn't... I wasn't... Um, just open it, okay?" I raised my eyebrows at his odd behavior but did as he asked. "Oh..." Purple fabric was folded neatly among black casing, which held the form of the cloth after I picked it up. It was my uniform, exactly as it had looked yesterday. "Oh... Robin... It is... This is..." "You like it?" he asked, so hopeful that heat rose to my face. "It is... How did you have time to do this?" I do not know why I felt so suspicious. I was grateful, but something nagged at me. "Huh?" "It is a kind gesture, only that I showed you my finalized uniform very recently and—" I stopped myself there. Every detail was almost the same as the original. I had not realized he was paying such close attention. My face got even warmer and I looked down at the table. Was he paying particularly close attention to me the previous day, or was that the same amount of attention he paid me regularly? Did he notice everyone in such detail, or was it only me he observed so closely? I did not know, at that moment, which answer I preferred. "I gave it to Alf—Ah, I know someone who makes these things really quickly. I just sent a sketch and color specifications." He was getting uncomfortable. My eyes snapped back to his. "Because my attempt was incompetent, is that right?" I was not being angry or harsh and my tone was more defeated than upset. I did not have the energy to be upset about this. Clearly, Robin was attempting to aid me in my transition, and I had need of a new one, anyway. "I'm just trying to help," he said pathetically. "I know, Robin. Forgive me. I..." I held up the cloth to inspect it and I smiled my best copy of a genuine smile. "I do like it." "It's your basic design. I upgraded it a little, though. The material's fireproof, waterproof, a Nomex-Kevlar blend, tear-resistant—" "Kevlar?" I echoed. "Is that not for protection against projectile weapons?" "Well... I mean, there's not a lot of it. It—yeah, it's for bullets, but it's a good thing to wear. It protects you from more than just bullets." "Oh." "Um, I have boots to go with it. They're silicone-soled, which means they're lighter than usual and pretty quiet, and they're lined with steel, so—" "Is all of that really necessary?" Fixing me with a grave look, he said, "Star, you're not superpowered anymore. You have to be careful. What was only annoying to you before can seriously injure you or slow you down. You can't fall into the street so hard that you leave a crater in it and get back up anymore." He was correct. But being a Titan never felt dangerous. Possibly not strictly _never_—when Terra knocked us into the Earth, when the Brotherhood of Evil captured us... when Robin was forced into apprenticeship by Slade... Then it felt dangerous. But these were all unexpected turns of events, and truthfully I did not wake up every day considering how what I do might affect my well-being. It was simply a duty. Now it was dangerous. That thought made my stomach kick. In my current state of mind, danger was very welcome. The chance that something could happen to me... that something could... This is not very healthy. I ignored that thought, however, and studied Robin. That must be why he is so serious most times. For him, there is no fireproof, no catching yourself before you hit the ground unaided by gadgets, no energy shields, no metal armor, no clever shapeshifting. There is only him and whatever is trying to harm him. "Thank you," I murmured, finally feeling very touched by his effort. A grin spread over his cheeks and I could tell he tried to hold it back. He looked so pleased with himself. "No problem, Star. Um, there's also something else." "Something else?" I echoed stupidly, and an image of Robin leaning across the table to bestow upon me a kiss flitted through my mind, and I blinked multiple times in a row to force myself to focus. "Yeah." He reached under the table again and when he withdrew his hand, he was holding a silver belt. A utility belt. I was not prepared for that, not in the least. I gaped at it until Robin cleared his throat, and even then I only flicked my eyes up to his mask momentarily before staring back down at the belt. "I do not understand," I managed finally. "You need to have some aces in the hole." "I... I cannot—" "It's just a belt, Star." I could not help but notice that Robin sounded amused. But this was so much more than a piece of metal that clipped around my hips. This was Robin sharing his identity with me, and it felt extremely intimate after everything that had been happening. Above all, it was confusing. This meant so much more to me than simple lip contact, kissing or other forms of physical affection, yet Robin had done this on an impulse. But he was smiling so encouragingly, and he did raise a good point. "A belt... Robin... I do not know what to say." "Well, I'm really hoping it'll be something along the lines of 'thanks' as you clip the belt onto your uniform, because without this I'm not sure that I want you on duty." "But I defeated the Doctor of—" "I know, Star, but that was a one-time thing. I don't want you going up against a threat like Cinderblock or Slade unprepared. Martial arts alone won't cut it, Star, not for us." I did not like to feel as though I am being backed into a corner, and Robin knows that. He was confusing me so much. One moment I am angry and the next confused and the next... Even for one such as I, who embrace emotions as they come and almost never hold anything back, it was a maelstrom. What made it worse was that Robin remained calm and polite, if overeager. "I... suppose it could not hurt to try." Relief swept over Robin's features, which was curious as I had not realized that he was worried. "That's all I'm asking. And if you don't like that, we can figure something out. Of course, this isn't permanent. It's just until we can find out how to restore your powers." I wished he would stop saying that. Transsubstantiation was permanent and I told him that multiple times. I let my annoyance show in my face, but he ignored me. "So, um, after you finish your breakfast—" he paused, seeming to notice what I was eating for the first time, and he flicked his eyes back to mine— "How about you meet me in the training room?" "Now?" I spluttered, glancing at the belt. "After you're done eating. That's okay, right?" "I thought I would have time to—" "Sorry," he said apologetically, "we're on duty all the time. And that means that you always have to be prepared. Don't rush your breakfast, though." He slid out of the booth and left the operations room without another word after that. Despite my whirling emotions, I truly was excited. This reminded me of the instance after Robin sought the True Master for superior training and we were all enamored with his spare costumes. The belts were interesting, yes, but at that time I was so happy to be reminded of him that I did not pay it much attention. It did not fit me, anyway, and most of them were not stocked except for a spare birdarang or empty grapple-gun. And, clearly, the only person who could assist me in training was Robin, and that meant that we would spend more time together than usual. In spite of everything, I could still look forward to that. I hoped. Remembering what occurred the other night... I could not let that ruin my excitement. I was going to learn an entirely new way to defend myself and others and my best friend was going to teach me to do it. I deserved to be excited. Even though my powers had been gone for a few days, it was hard to remember that I no longer had them, especially when it came to my flight and strength, which I had all my life. As I was prone to floating through the tower, I found myself now absently standing and leaning forward on my feet instead of gliding through the air before I realized what I was doing and hastily walked away. Not having strength was odd, as well, as I realized that I could not open a simple jar of pickles on my own, which was very embarrassing, and my punches were not as effective and they hurt me more.

I perhaps missed my starbolts the most. Even though flight and strength are natural for all of my people, my starbolts had been the most useful during my time on Earth. I hated the Psions for what they did to me, but I had grown attached to my starbolts.

Learning to live in my new body would be difficult. I ate my bologna, mustard, and sprinkles. I considered eating quickly to meet Robin sooner, as I was eager to begin, but I did not want to seem overeager. Besides, I was still unsure about whether or not I should be angry with him. He meant well, but he did not ask me if I wanted the new uniform. He swooped in, as usual, and took control of my project.

Robin's ability to take control of a situation, to help even before he was asked and to offer support with his actions was a trait I often found admirable. However, my wound was too deep and too fresh for that right now. I needed support from comforting words, I needed my opinions to matter, and most importantly, I needed to be in control.

The door whooshed open and Raven and Beast Boy entered the operations room. They glanced at each other as the door slid closed behind them and Beast Boy made his way to the couch while Raven took a place next to me at the table.

"Bologna and mustard with sprinkles," Raven noted as she rummaged through the cabinets with her powers and selected a box of cereal. "You feeling okay?"

I watched as the cereal landed itself on the table and a bowl floated over. "I suppose. I am not quite sure what I am feeling."

Raven studied me and I could tell that she was reading my emotions. Sometimes Raven gets overwhelmed by the intensity of my feelings. I did not think that would be a problem. I felt as though I was in the center of a tornado and my emotions were caught in the winds. I could reach out and take one, but I had no idea which it might be. Excitement, confusion, hurt, and longing for my powers were the strongest right now, and all of them were effects of my conversation with Robin just now.

"What happened?" she asked as the cereal box tipped itself into Raven's bowl and the milk washed over the flakes of corn.

"Robin gave me a new uniform," I told her. "And this." I slid the belt across the table for her to inspect.

"Is that a utility belt?" Raven spluttered. Her powers released the milk and it landed on the table sideways. I snatched it up before it could spill very much and Raven levitated paper towels over the wet spot to clean it. "Sorry," she mumbled, embarrassed. "It's just… Robin gave you a utility belt. That's… wow."

"Robin _what_?" Cyborg demanded, and the halt in pixelated music signaled that the boys' game was paused.

"Um…" I stammered.

"Aw, no way!" Beast Boy whined. "You get to be Robin's… Robin!"

"What are you talking about?" Raven demanded, raising an eyebrow at Beast Boy, who had changed to monkey form and was hanging from the rafters above the table by his tail.

The little green monkey landed on the table and snatched the belt up before changing back to his human self. "Y'know… Robin's Batman's sidekick… Star's Robin's sidekick…"

I stood and lunged for the belt, but Beast Boy held it out of my reach. "I am nobody's sidekick."

"Aw, but it's cool!" Beast Boy insisted, and he rummaged through the metal sections of the belt. A purple and silver disc sat in his hand and he twirled it around his fingers. "Do you think it explodes?"

"Forget the 'rangs," Cyborg said excitedly, taking the belt from Beast Boy. "What about the crazy weapons? Think he stocked it with a staff?"

"Return the belt, please!" I pleaded, uncomfortable.

Cyborg looked from the silver belt in his hands back to me and sighed. "Sorry, Star. You gotta let us play around with it sometime!"

I took the accessory back from him. "I do not think Robin would appreciate that."

"You're no fun," Beast Boy pouted.

"Enough," Raven interrupted calmly from her place at the table. "Leave Starfire alone. Her new uniform is not your play toy."

The boys wilted like scolded puppies.

"I thank you for your interest," I told them quickly. "Perhaps later we will explore the different capabilities of my utility belt?"

"Don't encourage them," Raven reprimanded me. "They'll never leave you alone now."

I sighed and put my plate and utensils in the sink. "It is the okay. Later, I promise," I said to Cyborg and Beast Boy as I exited the room.

The uniform, I discovered as I pulled it on in the privacy of my room, fit perfectly. I was still unsure as to whether or not I should be worried that Robin knew all of my measurements. I supposed that we could have had them on file, but I do not remember ever being measured for such a thing.

I clipped the belt on over my hips, where it sat snugly. A surge of excitement came over me, then, as I looked at myself in the mirror. Maybe everything would start to get better and I would feel better. True, I was no longer the 'powerhouse' of the team, but I could still contribute. Perhaps creating a new identity for myself would help me move away from the sadness of losing my powers.

Robin was in the training room, in the middle of a heated assault on the bag of punching. I stood quietly in the doorway and watched, not wishing to interrupt. Sometimes all of us trained together, but I was not used to being in here alone with Robin. He often oversaw our training, but he was always very private about his routines.

He halted the bag's movement but resting his hand on it, and after panting for a few seconds, he said, "I know you're there, Star. You can come in."

Robin had his back to me and he had not turned around, so I do not know how he knew I was there. "Yes… my apologies. I did not mean to do the spying."

"That's okay. The suit fits alright?" he asked, and I tried not to squirm as he let his eyes rake over me.

"Yes. It is quite comfortable."

"Good, good." He moved past me to get a towel from the rack near the door and a water bottle. He wiped his face slung the towel around his shoulders. "Have you looked through the belt yet?"

"Oh, um… Not quite. My apolo—"

"It's okay, Star. Don't apologize. Don't be nervous." A warm smile put me at ease and he sat cross legged on the floor, which was not matted like the dojo room, although mats were placed in certain areas like underneath the uneven bars or the ring that hung in the corner. He patted the floor across from him, signaling for me to sit. "Why don't you take the belt off and put it flat on the ground. That way you can see the whole thing at once."

I unclipped it and kneeled across from him. "I have already discovered these," I offered, and I pulled one of the discs out of the first pouch on the right.

"Yeah. I didn't want to give you… y'know… birdarangs…. So I went with something simpler."

The discs fit well between my fingers and I took three of them in my hand. They were purple with a silver rim, matching my uniform. An experimental flick of my arm and two of them sunk into the wall. One clattered to the ground, which was somewhat embarrassing.

"You'll need practice," Robin commented in a tone that hinted that this was what he expected. "You're not gonna be an expert your first day."

"May I still—?"

"I'm not gonna keep you from going on missions, Star, as long as you're responsible about it."

I beamed at him, pleased. "Thank you."

"You wouldn't listen to me anyway," he teased.

That made me somewhat uncomfortable, although his tone was lighthearted. "Robin," I began, unsure of myself. "I did not mean to question your leadership. I think you are a good leader and you have not let us down so far."

He paused for a second, looking at me, and then he said, "It's okay. It was actually a good call on your part. You get why I was worried about you, though, right?"

I nodded and there was silence between us. I turned my attention back to my utility belt.

"Um, right," Robin began, running his hand through his hair. He rummaged through a pouch on the left. "Here some bolas."

What appeared to be cable with weighted balls on the ends slid out of the pouch. These were used to bind someone—the weighted balls on the end wrapped the cable around a target, securing them to something or binding their arms to their sides or their feet together. I had never used anything like this before.

"I'm not sure which hand is your dominant one, actually, so you can switch the gadgets around. This is just how I organize them in mine."

"Oh, Tamaraneans are ambidextrous," I mentioned offhandedly.

"Really?" he asked, and I looked up at him, confused.

"Yes. Is ambidexterity not common among humans? You are ambidextrous."

"Well, yeah, but I wasn't born ambidextrous. It takes a lot of practice."

Glorious. Something else that set me apart from humans.

Robin sensed my thoughts, I think, because he hurried to continue. "There're lock picks in the front and the back, in case your hands are tied behind or in front of you. I keep mine my gloves, but you don't wear any, so you're going to have to practice being able to reach them. There's a rebreather, a gas mask, a small laser, and, most importantly, a grappling hook gun." As he named each item, he pulled it out of its respective pouch.

I took the grappling hook projectile in my hands and observed it.

"Since you can't fly anymore, you'll have to use that to get around when the T-car or R-cycle aren't available. It'll take some practice,"

I have seen Robin move around with this tool. It is the closest I have ever seen a human being come to flying, even closer than Gizmo with his jetpack and much closer than Raven's levitation.

Envisioning myself doing that, leaping through the air without the security of flight and only the flimsy jump line between my fingers made me weak. "Robin, I do not think I can do this," I blurted.

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "Of course you can."

"No," I corrected him desperately. My stomach was knotting and it was getting difficult to breathe. "You have practiced for years and you have the natural abilities… I am not meant for such things. I am weak and powerless and—"

Robin leaned forward and took me by the shoulders. His grip was tight, but in a way that was most comforting. "Star. Calm down." The tone he used was akin to the one he used when he gave orders, but it was somehow softer. "You can do this. I know you can."

"No you don't," I mumbled, suddenly interested in my lap.

"It's hard, I know," Robin said, but I did not look up. To my surprise, he put his hand under my chin and made me look up. Before I could react, his lips were pressed against mine, softly and a little unsurely.

I froze. I had imagined this many times. I should be happy. But something was wrong. It was not like I had imagined it at all. Of course, I was glad that he was kissing me, and I was glad to know that he wished to do so. The uncertainty I had been feeling did not go away and in fact it flared almost painfully.

Gently, I pushed him back with both hands on his shoulders. "What are you doing?" I asked, wincing as my voice came out more harshly than I intended.

"I—I don't know," he mumbled quickly and apologetically. "I—sorry. I thought you might, ah, like…"

"Please do not misunderstand," I interrupted. "I am simply… confused. I am not prepared for—"

"No, I completely understand," Robin said. He sounded grateful, if a little embarrassed. "I just… want you to know that I'm here for you, Star."

"Thank you," I said calmly, although I certainly did not feel calm. A sudden desire to continue kissing Robin bubbled up from my stomach, in spite of the fact that one minute ago it had made me oddly uncomfortable. What was going on?

"It's probably better, anyway, that we don't, um…" he continued. "There's still—I mean there're all those reasons that it wouldn't work out. I got ahead of myself, you know."

Possibly, he was trying to make himself less uncomfortable. I realized that, but at the same time his words left a sick feeling in my stomach and a bad taste in my mouth. I forced myself to smile and I began picking up the various objects from my belt and cramming them into the various compartments at random. "Yes, yes, you are correct, friend," I chirped cheerfully, pointedly keeping my eyes on the floor. "There is no way we can ever initiate dating rituals."

"Ah… wait. I didn't—"

Abandoning my attempt to clip the silver belt around my hips, I stood and held it in my hands. "I will do the seeing of you later."

"But I was going to help you train with the new—"

"Respectfully, I decline the offer. Friend," I added, and my voice was harder than I meant for it to be.

"Um." Robin stood up too, and I could tell that he wanted to continue speaking with me. I simply did not have the heart to continue the conversation, however, and I nodded politely before turning and exiting the room.

I did not feel hurt. I did not feel angry. In fact, I did not really feel much of anything. Numb buzzing filled my ears and heavy tiredness weighed me down.

Entering my room, I threw the silver belt on the floor and flopped onto my circular bed. I was not confused about how I felt with regards to Robin. He was very special to me, and I truly did wish to engage in dating rituals with him. But the timing was not right for me. I was still mourning the loss of my powers. It was not the time to further complicate everything by adding a complicated relationship change with Robin.

I sighed and picked my belt up off the floor, rummaging through the compartments and trying to memorize the objects that they held.

**Ah… This chapter… took a long time. A very long time. I wrote the first three thousand words so quickly and then… Nothing. But I did it! So… Yay! Starfire gets a tricked out uniform and a belt. Also more emotional drama. On the bright side, If this fic can be split into two parts, this finishes the first part. There'll be one more chapter of setup and then actual forward-moving plot and excitement. It's been slow, I know, but I felt like it was important to spend a lot of time on Starfire's emotional turmoil. Maybe it was a bit much, and admittedly I added a lot of angst when I switched to first person POV. Feedback is appreciated, reviewers and lurkers alike. (Although completely feel free to continue to lurk. I love my lurkers.) **

**End chapter rant done. **

"Enter," I called, hanging my head off the side of my bed to look at the door.

The doors slid open to reveal Robin and I squeaked, landing in an ungraceful heap on the floor. "Robin!"


	9. Training

**Chapter 9 – Training**

"Keep your weight on your back leg," Cyborg instructed as I lashed out at the practice dummy with my foot.

I growled at myself under my breath. I knew how to kick, obviously. But wearing the heavy utility belt threw off my center of balance, and I fear that I had been unknowingly compensating my posture with my flight until I lost it.

"My apologies, Cyborg," I panted, breaking my stance completely and leaning forward with my hands on my knees. I brushed my hair back into its tail of ponies where it had fallen forward.

"Tired?" Cyborg asked, a concerned frown tugging at his lips.

"Simply out of breath," I rushed to assure him. "We should continue."

"Are you sure? I mean, I'm all for you being ready for the next alert, Star, but don't hurt yourself."

"I want to continue," I said firmly.

"Aw'right, aw'right. Let's go then."

"You guys are practicing?"

I whirled around so fast I nearly fell. Robin was standing in the doorway, looking at us curiously.

"Yep," Cyborg answered casually. "Star's workin' herself into a frenzy."

While he spoke, I attempted to regain my calm. I bit my lip to keep my mouth from dropping open.

Truthfully, I had been going far out of my way to avoid Robin. It had been several days since I was truly alone with him, resulting in an accidental kiss. I was not offended or upset by it, but I was too confused to consider what it might truly have meant. An accident, of course, but many times accidents are shadows of the truth.

While my friendship with Robin was very dear to me, I could not give it higher importance than coming to terms with my own identity. How could I truly discover what I now meant to my friends if I did not know what I meant to myself.

We still spoke over the table at meals and carried on as normal, but I would not allow him to come to me when I was alone. The previous night, Robin returned Silkie to my room and attempted to enter to speak privately with me and I feigned an aching head to discourage him. I felt uncomfortable lying to him, but I could not handle his presence.

"You know I'd help you guys, if you want," Robin offered, pulling me back to the present.

Cyborg raised his eyebrows at me and I pulled a smile onto my face. "That is kind, but unnecessary, friend," I told Robin, trying to keep my voice light. "Cyborg provides analysis based on programs he has downloaded to his ocular implant. The progress I am making is better than I could have hoped."

He frowned, displeased by my refusal of his offer. "Oh."

Cyborg was looking between us and I felt more than uncomfortable. "On second thought, Cyborg, I think I am, in fact, too tired to continue. Thank you for your help. I will retire to my room and see you both in the morning." With nothing more than a slight nod, I turned from the boys and walked quickly toward my room.

"Star, wait." X'hal. I did not want to do this, not now. "Star," Robin called, and I heard him catching up to me.

"Yes?" I asked as he fell into step next to me.

"I… Things aren't the same between us."

I squeezed my eyes shut. "No, I suppose they are not."

"So… um… What do we do about it?"

I really was getting a headache. I did not slow my pace as we turned the corner to the hall where our rooms were located. "Robin, I honestly do not know."

"Hey, slow down. Talk to me for a second." He took hold of my wrist and pulled me back a little. It was not like the books I have read—no spark flared between us at his touch, no heat rose, my breath did not hitch. I only felt more tired. This realization worried me slightly. Stopping to think about it, I could not remember a moment that entire day that I had felt anything more than numb weariness.

"I apologize for my behavior. I suppose I have been somewhat distant." I paused to allow him to criticize me, but he stayed quiet. "But I am attempting to adjust to…" I gestured to my suit and belt with a flourish of my wrist. "—this."

"Let me help you," he implored, and his voice was so soft that I felt some heat rise to my face. Shaking his fingers away from my wrist, I stepped back.

"No, Robin. You have helped enough in giving me the suit and the belt. I need… the space."

I did not like doing this. My stomach was twisting uncomfortably and my mouth scrunched into a grimace.

"You sure you're not mad at me?" he asked, and it seemed to me like he sounded like a child waiting to be reprimanded.

"I am not."

"Okay," he sighed. "Okay. I get it. Just… I'm here if you need me, okay?"

I nodded, and he looked so dejected that I imagined that I could feel my heart cracking. I spread my arms for a hug and he stepped close to me. He smelled like Nomex and chalk and hair gel I think the hug might have lingered, or perhaps I lingered on it. But it was over too soon, all the same, and I was still thinking about it when I slipped between the sheets in my bed

…

It was supposed to be my turn to patrol tonight, but Robin volunteered to go in my stead. I think he was trying to help but keep his distance as I wished.

Raven and Beast Boy were interested in my development. Raven was impressed with the initiative I was taking. Truthfully, I did not see my journey as difficult as the one Raven must have taken when she fled Azarath to help the Earth and become a hero. When I told her that, she gave me an odd look and I was unsure if I committed a social blunder.

I concluded, during my training with Cyborg, that my balance was all wrong. Even without using flight, I was used to being lighter on my feet. Tamaraneans are lighter than we appear, and the Transsubstantiation has made my body weight closer to that of a human. Although I did not notice the change much, it was apparently affecting my balance.

Raven was helping me with this exercise. She conjured up circlets of energy, on which I stood and accomplished a task: for example, when she created eight of the hoops of energy like stepping stones in the air, I was to simply walk across them. However, the circlets were very… wobbly. If I put too much weight on one side of the pads of cold energy, I toppled over the side. It is unfortunate that it did not occur to us until much later that perhaps mats underneath would be a wise.

It took me all morning simply to walk across the circles of energy. Beast Boy popped in the room and jumped across Raven's energy discs in the shapes of several animals. While the gesture was fun and lighthearted, it did not do much to improve my spirits—watching Beast Boy leap across the room on the obstacle course meant for me in several animal forms, ranging from a monkey to a rodent to a housecat, reminded me of how I was failing.

Raven, X'hal bless her, must have sensed that, because she shooed him from the room sometime after lunch. I was sitting against the wall, taking a short break between running different obstacle courses, and she quietly sat next to me, levitating in the air with crossed legs.

"You are improving, you know," she told me softly, and when I looked up at her she appeared to be concentrating, both eyes loosely shut, unmoving.

"Perhaps," I answered, leaning my head against the wall. "But what does that matter, truly? I will not be good enough to aid the team in a mission," I lamented, feeling depressed.

"Did you forget about kicking Dr. Light's butt?" she asked without releasing her position.

"That was luck," I reminded her. "The Doctor of Light is not quite the same as the HIVE Five or Psimon or The Brotherhood of—"

"Relax," Raven interrupted sternly, and her eyes snapped open as a slight frown etched itself across her lips. "We haven't gotten an alert since then. Things are pretty slow now. As long as you keep training, you'll be fine."

"Even then," I blurted, losing any semblance of composure I had. "Will I not just be the second, less-trained Robin on the team? Do we truly need two non-meta members?"

Raven let herself touch ground and she placed her palms on the ground, leaning on them. "It won't be like that anyway, Starfire. Even if what you're saying is true and we really can't get your powers back, you won't be a second Robin. What you bring to this team with just your personality is irreplaceable, and it's something that we need." After a moment's pause, she added, "Some of us more than others."

I narrowed my eyes at her. That was not a very subtle way of inquiring about my argument with Robin, if it could be called an argument. Deflecting, I answered, "That is comforting. You are my family. Losing any one of you would be most upsetting." Hopefully that would quiet Raven's curiosity regarding the severity of the situation between Robin and me.

She turned her purple eyes toward me and, gravely, she said, "We don't want to lose you, Starfire. We can't."

The severity in her voice struck me as odd, if not alarming, and I wondered whether she was thinking solely of Robin or if her mind wandered to the hopefully alternate future which I discovered upon falling into Warp's portal. I thought of it, too, the world which was frozen not only in temperature but also in spirit. Would that truly be our future if I were to leave? I doubted it.

Regardless, I did not wish to leave. The Titans were not only my friends; they were my family. I needed them, especially in getting through this ordeal.

Impulsively, I leaned forward and grabbed Raven in a hug, suddenly delighted that she was so concerned for me. Raven was generally in favor of the 'tough love', and her pep talks rarely included more than the tacit equivalent to 'get over it'. She patted my arm repeatedly, a gesture which I knew expressed her desire to finish the hug, but I held on for a few seconds longer. Among the confusion of boys, for both of us, and my transition to learning to be Transsubstantiated, it was glorious to know that Raven and I would always have each other.

We continued training after that, and while I did not master the technique of walking atop the discs Raven created, I was able to walk across them easily by the end of the day, and Raven was even beginning to add more space between them.

Robin did not appear as he had the day before. I did not realize it, but I had been waiting nervously for him to join us and I suppose I was disappointed that he did not, but I was also relieved. It was odd, feeling so many conflicting emotions at the same time, especially when feeling anything seemed to drain so much of my energy. It seemed that feeling was one of the only things I remained sure that I knew how to do, which was a great comfort, but I also wished that I could stop for a few hours, at least. The idea that I might stop feeling, however, frightened me as much as I silently wished for it. Bitter numbness was lurking beneath the maelstrom of emotions whirling around, like a predatory, dark fish beneath the surface of calm water.

Like the discs Raven conjured for me, I was on an incredibly unsteady path. The trick to keeping balance is to stay in the middle, and for me that meant staying with my friends and attempting to move forward together.

…

Raven and Cyborg helped me train four days in a row. On the fifth day, Beast Boy found me, so eager to help.

Uneven bars had never interested me before. I had Tamaranean strength and the ability of flight, which made spinning around on the bars unnecessary as I could perform most Earth acrobatics by 'cheating', as Robin called it.

It struck me as necessary now.

You see, on Earth, gymnastics tends to be split into gender roles, as many things are. Uneven bars are for females, while males use rings that hung from the ceiling and parallel bars. Robin was really the only one of us who had much use for gymnastics, although Beast Boy was fond of practicing in the form of a monkey. Robin mentioned to Raven that the bars were adjustable, and Beast Boy jumped at the opportunity to help. I think he felt left out after Raven and Cyborg had been training me.

This made me guilty. If Beast Boy felt left out, how must Robin feel?

"Hellooooo?" Beast Boy called, snapping his fingers in front of my face.

"Oh, Beast Boy, my apologies," I mumbled, clearing my head in order to focus.

Beast Boy had finished adjusting the bars and he looked up at them, scrutinizing. "We won't do anything to intense. I'm not an expert or anything, not like Rob—ah, never mind."

"Worry not. I have minimal training in acrobatics from my time on Okaara, although the technique may have differed on that planet," I assured him. "I fear I will have much of the rust."

"It's okay if you're rusty," he said with a grin. "That's what I'm here for! Chalk your hands," he instructed, gesturing at the round container which held chalk, ground into a fine powder.

"Chalk them?" I echoed, curious. "Why?"

"Ummm…" Beast Boy's ears drooped comically as he talked, and I went out of the way to pass him as I approached the chalk to convey that my curiosity was not meant to be insubordination on my part. "I think it's for blisters?"

"Ohhhh," I murmured, understanding. I raised my hand, dusted in white, to my eyes and blew off some of the excess. "Chalk decreases friction. This makes it easier to grip the bar and does indeed help with blisters."

"Yep, that's what I said. Let's go, Star."

Beast Boy showed me how to use my body's momentum to swing around the bar in a circle. It did not seem as useful to me as Raven's balancing lessons or Cyborg's sessions in different types of fighting. But Robin performed many acrobatics and gymnastics tricks, and if there was anyone whose lead I should be following, it was his.

I landed on my back on the mats more times than I would care to admit, and I was glad that Beast Boy had the forethought to place the softer mats beneath us. He swung easily between bars in the shape of a monkey, and even in his regular form he was much better than I was.

After the breath had been knocked from my lungs for the umpteenth time that session, I wheezed that we had best take a break.

"You're doing really well," Beast Boy assured me.

"It would be easier if I could fly," I lamented, pushing myself into a sitting position.

"Well, yeah," Beast Boy said as though that was obvious, and he offered me his hand. "Me too, if I could fly without shifting forms. And I could clean my room in seconds with super speed. And think about the things I could do with X-ray vision! But thinking about that stuff isn't gonna help. It's just gonna make me frustrated."

I sighed and allowed him to pull me up. "Yes, but it is not the same. It is more akin to having to do without opposable thumbs."

"I know that you're at a disadvantage Star." Beast Boy squeezed my hand supportively. "But you can get through it. You're probably already better at fighting than me. Just don't wish what it was like to get something back that you can't." He paused and I wondered if he was still speaking about my powers. "Look forward, not back, okay?"

I smiled at him. "I will try."

"Good." Beast Boy lowered his voice and said, "If you don't want to run into our fearless, you might wanna take the long way back to your room. He's down the hall to the left."

That was unexpected. I did not know if I was more surprised that Robin was there or that Beast Boy heard him.

"I smelled him," Beast Boy explained with a shrug, and Starfire realized she must look surprised. "You guys are fighting pretty bad, huh?"

"I—we—no, we are not fighting."

He quirked an eyebrow at me and I shrank into myself. "Does 'fighting' mean something different on Tamaran than it does on Earth?"

"No, we are not doing the fighting," I insisted. "I simply need the space."

"So you _were_ fighting?"

"Beast Boy," I warned.

"Sorry, sorry," he apologized, and he held his palms out flat to me. "I'm just curious, that's all. It's weird not seeing the two of you together all the time."

Vexation surged in me. Truly I did not spend so much time with Robin that ceasing to do so was a sure sign of a problem? But then, I spent much of my time with Raven, and with Cyborg and Beast Boy, as well.

My vexation was replaced by weariness. It was not particularly the amount of time I spent with Robin that defined our relationship, rather it was how we both behaved in the time spent together. I knew that, and Robin knew that, and clearly everyone in the Tower was aware of it, too. Robin was very special to me, and this would have been much easier if I could simply talk to him and ask him for help… only he served as a distraction that I was not ready to handle.

"Thank you," I said to Beast Boy, who had been fidgeting in my long silence. "I will take the long way to my room."

Beast Boy left with me, only he went to the right, where Robin was waiting. I could hear them talking, however their words were muffled and indistinct.

I was not yet comfortable in this suit, I realized as I sprawled out on my comfortingly round bed with my head dangling over the side. However, the civilian clothes that Raven and I purchased at the mall of shopping were for use only during training—which I preferred to do in my suit to get used to the constricting tightness of the Nomex-Kevlar blend against my skin—or for sleeping, and on the occasional day off, which we generally preferred to spend in the Tower, regardless.

I was considering asking Raven to partake in the painting of our nails when there was a soft knock on my door.

"Enter," I called, hanging my head off the side of my bed to look at the door.

The doors slid open to reveal Robin and I squeaked, landing in an ungraceful heap on the floor. "Robin!"

"Yeah." He stepping into the threshold, lingering in the doorway so that my door would not close between us, but not actually entering my room. "Sorry. I was trying to catch you around the Tower but I haven't seen you."

He really did sound apologetic, and for some reason that made something in my chest twinge.

"Oh," I answered lamely. "Yes, I have been most busy."

"Training, yeah," he said, and his voice was clipped. I furrowed my brow at him and he gave me a small, forced smile. "I'm glad you're working so hard."

"Yes, me too. It helps keep my mind off things."

The smile vanished. "I talked to Beast By. He said you were working on the uneven bars today?"

"Yes," I agreed, nodding. "It is most challenging. Gymnastics has never been my strong suit. We had gymnastics lessons on Okaara, but I fear I may have done some of the cheating."

"You know, I'm pretty good at that stuff. If you need extra help, it wouldn't bother me to—"

"No," I interrupted. My voice would have been satisfyingly firm if not for the squeak at the end. "No, Robin, that is not necessary," I told him calmly. "I thank you for your support."

His face went completely blank and I wished desperately that I could see beneath the mask. "Right. Anyway, the reason I was looking for you—here." He brandished a large, orange envelope at me. "You have mail."

The packaging was certainly Tamaranean. At the beginning of my stay on Earth, Galfore discovered how to beam small packages from Tamaran to the Titans' doorstep. It was how I obtained Zorkaberries, which would expire in the time it took to take a ship from Tamaran to Earth. Nevertheless, I very rarely got letters from Tamaran, which this appeared to be, and if I did, Galfore let me know in advance. I tilted my head at the object in Robin's hand, confused. I had not spoken to Galfore since—

A loud gasp escaped from my throat. Karras. I had forgotten—

"Everything okay?" Robin asked, tilting the envelope back toward him and raising an eyebrow at it, even though he could not decipher the writing.

"Yes!" I squeaked. "Yes, of course!" I rose to my feet quickly and I extended my hand for the envelope.

"Star," he said in the tone that a mother might use to get her child to tell her about the poor marks he received in school, "you don't look so good."

"Everything is fine, I assure you. The letter, please."

He hesitated, but handed it over. "Is this about your… Transsubstantiation? Are you nervous about what Galfore'll say?" Then, softly, he asked, "I can stay while you open it. If you want."

He was being so kind, yet his words made my heart hammer against my chest. "No!" The hurt look that crossed his features made me feel like a klorbag. "No, Robin. That is kind of you, but I need to be the alone for this."

"No you don't," he told me, and he took hold of my wrist that was holding the envelope so that it was flat between us. "You don't need to be alone for anything, Star." I could not back away. There seemed to be a magnet in Robin's fingers touch that was specially designed to pull me to him, and under its influence I could not move back, and it was even a struggle to remain where I was instead of leaning forward for an embrace. The most I could do was look away, but even then gloved fingers caught my chin and made me look at him. "Let me help you," he pleaded, his voice so soft and his breath brushing across my face.

"Robin," I breathed, and I pushed his hand away from my face. "It is not that I do not want your help. Indeed I do. But I must do this on my own."

Sulky, he stepped back so that he was no longer standing on my pink carpet, but in the dark hallway of the Tower. "But you're not. You're letting Raven and east Boy and Cyborg help. Why won't you let me?"

"It is different," I told him, and I had to swallow past an aching sadness that rose in the pit of my throat. "You know it is different."

It looked as though he wished to argue, but my door slid closed and I did not trust myself to open it again. Instead, I engaged the locking mechanism and after pausing indecisively for along moment, I held the letter in front of my eyes.

On Tamaran, love and marriage are not always mutually exclusive. Most people had the freedom to marry whomever they chose, and even then many relationships were open, with partners involved with one other person, or more. War heroes and Tamaranan nobility, including the Grand Ruler, if the title was won, married for genetics or for the ability to generate working alliances. Inbreeding was illegal on Tamaran, so I might be expected to marry one of Karras's trusted advisors, or perhaps a general of war from his part of Tamaran. Marrying Karras would be a radical move.

This is why, when I opened the letter, my stomach sank.

I had been expecting a marriage proposal, but not from Karras himself.

_Dearest Crown Princess Koriand'r,_ the letter read.

_I write to inquire about your health, as it has been many months since I last saw you. Will you be visiting Tamaran again in the near future? Undoubtedly Earth has grown special to you, but there are those on Tamaran who care for you. _

_I realize that it is strange for proposals as the one I am about to make are meant to be handled by families as a whole, but I ask for your understanding in this matter as I have not made my family aware of this letter, nor do I intend to make them aware of any response you or Galfore choose to make. _

_I do propose marriage, Koriand'r. I am sure that in spite of your extended absence—_

My stomach twisted. I did not wish to read any more. The reluctance with which I met the word 'marriage', but what bothered me further was Karras's casual remark of an extended absence from Tamaran. He meant no harm, but it was not as though I chose to leave Tamaran in the first place, and even now returning for more than a handful of consecutive days might enrage the Citadel and the Gordanians, and Tamaran was in no position to combat the threat of an attack. Grudgingly, I returned to Karras's neat inscription.

_I am sure that in spite of your extended absence , you are aware of the turmoil Tamaran suffers. While you are not yet of age and therefore a marriage is not to be considered, I wish for you to know that my presence is intended to be that of a friend, not a lover. I want what is best for Kalapatt and for Tamaran, and I believe that coming together in amicable marriage in three years when you are of age will benefit not only the planet, but our families as well. _

_A prompt reply is not necessary. Please take all the time you need to think on this matter. _

_Respectfully, _

_Karras_

I folded the letter into thirds. Honestly, it is only surprising that I had not gotten more marriage proposals. I think Galfore had been keeping them from me.

The main problem with this letter was that I did not want to marry Karras, even though he was most friendly and very diplomatic in regards to our possible union. But I also could not, not now. I did not intend to tell him that, of course. If I told Karras about my current situation, undoubtedly half of the planet would know. Salja, his mother, was a bit of a gossip.

This letter only not only served to make me worry about my future and the subsequent future of Tamaran, but it made me realize that I must tell Galfore about my situation. I trusted Galfore more than I had ever trusted anyone, except perhaps Raven and, in most instances, Robin. But he would be forced to take some kind of action, and that frightened me. He could not allow a Transsubstantiate like myself to inherit the throne, and that would change everything, especially since the planet was already experience political problems.

I neatly tucked the letter into a drawer in my desk and I paced around, jittery. My nerves were on fire.

Chewing on my bottom lip, I fastened my belt around my hips and went to seek Raven's assistance in order to do the cramming of some training to take my mind off everything.

**I guess I did some telling and not showing this chapter. I planned on going in detail about how Star trained with each of her fellow Titans but I tried that, and, well… That was dreadfully boring. **

**Also, it seems I've reached the point where I've had to make up words. Except not really, because it's Tamaranean. Transsubstantiate (noun), one who has been Transsubstantiated. **

**And, because I know that lots of you guys are getting restless, There will be RobStar next chapter. And I'll begin slowly edging away from angst. Sloooooowly. One last note, this is the projected halfway point**


	10. Patrol

**Chapter 10 – Patrol**

I stood in front of my vanity mirror, my belt stocked with as much equipment as I could fit inside. I had been practicing all day, both with Cyborg and on my own with the discs. I felt the confidence.

I apologize. I do not wish to lie, or be a misleading narrator.

I felt more confidence than I had all week. Perhaps saying 'I felt the confidence' is untruthful, because a swarm of flanorgla flies inhabited my stomach, and I was still unsure of whether or not I should pull my hair back or leave it down, and I could not yet pick locks. But I was nimble and I was able to hold my own in a fight.

Let it not be forgotten that this was a Monday night, and it was very likely that I would meet no complications on my first patrol of solo.

My earpiece and communicator were still in the operations room. I left them there when I was speaking to Raven. I was glad of an opportunity to see her once more before I left, so it was no bother.

Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy were sprawled on the couch, Raven and Beast Boy sitting quit close together and Cyborg a few cushions away from them. I did not wish to interrupt the moment Raven was having with Beast Boy, so I picked up the earpiece that connected to the Tower's communications center and I placed the small device in my ear. My communicator snapped into place over the buckle on my belt, taking the place of the green gem on my old uniform and putting the Titans symbol at the center of my uniform.

I ran my hand over the pouches in the belt once more to assure myself that everything was prepared, and nervously I swept my fingers through my hair.

"Ready?"

I spun around, alarmed. Robin was leaning casually on the doorframe, and he spoke conversationally. "Yes," I answered shortly, too nervous to think of anything else to say. Truthfully, there was not much more to say. Robin had been avoiding me since our last encounter several days ago, and I was surprised that he sought me out now.

"Good," he said, his voice full of approval. "Let's go."

I froze. _Let's go_, he had said. Let _us_ go. _Us_. "I think you are forgetting that it is my turn to patrol tonight," I suggested weakly.

He considered for a moment before shaking his head. "Nope."

My awkward, polite smile slipped into a displeased frown. "You are planning on accompanying me?"

"Yep."

I glanced over my shoulder. Raven, Beast Boy, and Cyborg were watching us, their movie forgotten.

"I do not require accompaniment. I realize that you mean well, but I assure you that I have acquired the skills needed to venture out on my own. "

He only lowered one eyebrow in response. Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy agreed that I was proficient enough to patrol on my own. It had taken Cyborg some convincing, but he agreed. And when we four had informed Robin of this together, he nodded at us. I had not expected a fight.

"If you insist on going out tonight," I said icily, offended now, "perhaps you should patrol on your own. We may switch days."

"Nope," he said infuriatingly, shaking his head. "You need practice in the field. It's better if you go out tonight." He kept his tone irksomely light and pleasant.

"Then I will see you when I get back!"

Robin sighed. "How do you plan on getting around, Starfire? You can't possibly have practiced enough with the jumpline to swing."

"I am perfectly capable," I snapped.

Perhaps I was being stubborn, but having Robin accompany me on my first time out was truthfully the worst idea anyone could have come up with. Robin made it difficult to focus. Robin made me self-conscious. Robin made me want things I could not have.

"Yo, Rob, if you want someone to go with her, I'd be happy to—"

"No, Cy," Robin said firmly.

"It's okay, dude." Cyborg rose to his feet. "I ain't really busy, anyway."

"Cyborg. I think the front end of the T-car needs aligning, doesn't it? And the oil needs to be changed."

Cyborg furrowed his eyebrows at Robin. "What? The oil don't gotta be changed for another two weeks, and the front end—"

"You might as well do it now."

Robin was using what Beast Boy called 'the Bat-glare'. He looked somewhat intimidated. I was growing even more annoyed, because Cyborg had stood up for me and Robin was punishing him for it.

Raven was not standing, but she had turned on the couch so that she was facing us. "Robin," she scolded, and he lowered an eyebrow at her. She turned her attention to me and said, "I'll go with you , Star."

I sighed. I did not wish to ruin Raven and Beast Boy's time together, although I am sure that neither of them would mind very much. Besides, I would need to begin getting along with Robin again at some point. Perhaps it was better to be alone with him if we had the responsibilities of a patrol route to distract us.

"It is the okay, Raven," I told her softly.

After raising her eyebrows at me to be sure, Raven fixed Robin with her sharp look once more. I appreciated her concern, but I was more than capable of looking after myself and I was feeling awkward.

I snatched my commincator off the counter and pressed it into place on my belt.

"Bye, Star," Beast Boy called, peeing at me around Raven. "Good luck."

"Thank you, Beast Boy," I said, and I slipped past Robin into the hallway.

Flustered, I leaned back against the hallway and meant to sneak a glance at the back of Robin's head, however he followed me out more quickly than I was expecting and I accidentally caught his eye.

"Look," he began, seeing that he had my attention, "I just think it's a good idea that—"

"I appreciate the sentiment," I interrupted as I began walking to the elevator that would bring me to the garage and to our tunnel off the island. "I do not, however, appreciate being cornered and surprised."

Robin kept pace with me easily, although he did need to walk markedly faster than usual as I was walking quickly and my legs were longer than his. "I didn't mean to corner you," he protested.

I did not wish to argue so I did not answer. I pressed the call button for the elevator and it opened immediately, which was a relief. I stepped inside and Robin reached across me to press the Garage button. He pushed his fingers through his hair nervously, which made me spitefully glad that I was not the only one who was uncomfortable.

When we entered the wide expanse of the Garage, Cyborg was already sprawled under the T-car and music was playing from a booming box on the ground beside him. I do not think he minded doing work on the car, but I felt guilty that it was because of his intrusion on my behalf that he was doing it now.

Robin mounted the R-cycle and that is when I noticed that he was holding both his own helmet and the spare helmet. He held it out to me expectantly.

"Oh, no," I said, and I pushed the helmet back at him. He knew that I did not like the R-cycle, and I especially did not wish to be so close to him at this moment.

"Come on, Star," he sighed. "It's either that or walking."

Walking through the long tunnel with robin would be painful. It took nearly fifteen minutes to traverse on foot, and the idea of walking with the bay pressing in all around us made my stomach knot. It would be quiet, as well, and we would need to fill the silence with conversation. At least on the R-cycle it would be too loud for that.

"Very well," I conceded, although I frowned to make sure he knew I was not happy with the arrangement. I took the helmet and jammed it on my head, glaring at the small smile he gave me as he slipped his helmet on. I mounted the vehicle behind him, taking care to put as much space as I could afford between us.

"Starfire, you're going to have to hold onto me." He sounded exasperated, which only made me even more eager to remain where I was.

"I will be the judge of that. Your overprotectiveness is misplaced."

He looked at me over his shoulder, a severe frown pulling at his mouth. "I'm not being—I just—Fine." Rigidly, he leaned forward and revved the engine once, I suspect in order to give me one more chance to grab hold of him (which, of course, I did not), and he took off.

The movement was jarring, and I wondered vaguely what Robin would do if I fell off. The Artificial Intelligence on the bike had kept it from toppling over during our encounter with doctor Light; I reassured myself by assuming that the same feature would not allow me to fall now.

Robin took a sharp turn out of the tunnel and I took hold of the body of the bike, squeezing with my knees and balancing myself with my hands behind me. He accelerated further and I could not help but hold onto his shoulders. The wind made his cape flap back, which made it very tempting to burrow my face into his back, or at least inch closer to keep it down.

After a few minutes of twisting through streets of the city, which were suddenly unfamiliar to me without the advantage of an aerial view, we stopped at the back of a factory. Robin removed his helmet carefully, his hair spiking up in its trained position as though he had never been wearing the obstructive headgear, and I placed mine next to his on the empty handlebar.

We stood at the foot of cement steps, which led to a paint-chipped door. I had not seen this place before and I did not know what we could be doing here.

A flick of his fingers produced a lock pick, which Robin slid into the keyhole on the door and began fidgeting. "You're going to have to learn to use one of these," he mentioned, his voice cheery, "now that you can't rip doors off their hinges anymore." There was a click followed by the opening of the door.

The place was dark, but Robin was seemingly familiar with it. He easily flipped on a light and soft yellow light spilled over us, accompanied by loud humming noises. There were large cylindrical tubs spaced evenly around us, and a strong smell stung at my nose. There was a walkway that stretched about thirty feet up, the vaulted ceiling far above that.

"We're going to do a little training," Robin announced.

I glared at him and crossed my arms. "There are many simulators and obstacle courses at the Tower with which we could have—"

"Nothing's better than the real thing," he said seriously, and it sounded like something he was not only telling me but that he had been told himself. A rule, perhaps. I was too busy pondering that to answer, so Robin continued. "This is a paint factory. Convenient to us because of the catwalk." I tilted my head at the catwalk, which was held in place by spindly framework that stretched up to the ceiling, like a downside-up bridge. "All you have to do is get up there from here."

"This is a joke?" I demanded, indignant. He supplied my belt with a grappling hook gun. Surely he must know that all that was necessary was pointing that and shooting.

"No," he answered patiently. "You have to learn to use the weight of the hook. It's not as easy as I make it look."

I ignored him, feeling a strong urge to indulge in the Earth habit of rolling my eyes. I snatched the device from the correct compartment in my belt, took aim, and—

"Nope."

I glared at him, lowering my arm. "What could I possibly have done wrong?"

He approached me cautiously, which was somewhat satisfying. "Do what you were doing before."

I assumed the position, aiming as carefully as I could.

"Okay. You wanna keep your arm bent." Robin stepped behind me and put his hand on my elbow, bending it gently. "And, um, keep your feet apart." He put his foot between both of mine, nudging them shoulder width apart. He put a hand on my back as he did that.

My heart fluttered in my chest and I could feel my face heating up. I was most certainly displeased with him, but I could feel his breath against my hair and the firmness of his hand on my back.

"Good," he murmured, his voice soft. "Now… You wanna have your weight kind of on your toes. Like your about to jump." He leaned forward and his front touched my back, and I hastily leaned away.

Was he unaware of how oddly intimate this was, or was he doing this on purpose? Which would be worse?

"And… When you hold it, your first two fingers should go on the trigger…" He slid his fingers from my elbow across my forearm o my wrist, and he carefully positioned my fingers correctly. "And the rest grab the handle firmly." At some point in the exchange, his hand on my back moved to my hip.

"Robin," I interrupted, my voice coming out in a pathetic squeak.

"Yeah?"

I bit my lip. "I believe I would be more comfortable if you were not… quite this close."

He was still for a moment. "Oh." He cleared his throat and removed his hands. "Oh. Sorry. "

The few inches of space he gave me did not help that much, but now that he was no longer touching me it did not feel as though my thoughts had been replaced with the static that sometimes appears on the television.

Robin cleared his throat before continuing to instruct me. He was still very close, but I suspected that the exercise required a certain amount of proximity. "Now aim carefully. You have some leeway with this, since it's designed to begin arcing to wrap around ledges and people."

I did as instructed. "Pull the trigger." I tensed and pulled the trigger, but I was not pulled into the air. The jumpline extended from the gun to the air, and the hook twirled neatly around the railing on the catwalk. Even though I had not really accomplished anything and Robin was instructing me the whole way, I was pleased with myself.

"Good. Now to pull yourself up, press the button beneath the trigger." As he spoke, he wound the line around his hand.

I was unprepared to be whisked off my feet and hurled up toward the catwalk. I do not know quite what I was expecting. Something similar to flight, I suppose. This was not like flight. It was jerky and too fast to think. So fast, in fact, that I did not realize until it was too late that i would need to perform a flip or another type of acrobatic trick to clear myself over the railing rather than crash into it. Robin, however, was used to this, and he pulled my body over the railing. Because of my inexperience, our landing was messy. The gun was pulled from my hand, jerking my arm back painfully. We fell forward, and Robin wrapped an arm around my waist so that I fell on top of him, and he did not let go until we rolled onto our sides.

"Star, you were supposed to let go of the trigger once we got higher than the hook. Otherwise it keeps retracting the line."

I was pointedly not looking at him as I pushed myself away from him into a sitting position, but I heard laughter in his voice.

"You did not tell me," I muttered.

"Sorry." The laughter was replaced with an apologetic tone. "Is your arm hurt?"

"I may have strained my bicep," I admitted, and I squeezed my arm. This, too, was new. Tamaranean muscles did not pull or tear or generally break as easily as human ones. The fatigue and ache from exercise was the same, but even that came on quicker since being Transsubstantiated.

Robin cupped my arm in both hands, but I did not wish to be examined or fretted over. "Robin," I mumbled, pulling my arm gently out of his reach. "I am fine."

"Oh." I could sense the hurt in his voice and I winced to myself. How had I become the one to balk at Robin's advances? How had we switched roles so completely

"Okay. I get that." He walked over to the railing and put one foot on it, aiming the grappling hook at the wall about twenty yards away. "The point is made to sink into walls. It's pretty straight forward. Just aim—" he punctuated that point by pressing the trigger and making the hook sink into the wall, which was interesting as the metal walls seemed mostly seamless— "and make sure you land with bent knees." He demonstrated, and as he landed on the wall I could not help but be glad of the space between us.

I copied Robin's previous stance, putting one foot on the railing and aiming at the wall. It did not really matter where the hook landed, but I wished to practice my accuracy. I pressed the trigger, and the hook made a satisfying noise as it sunk into the wall. I took in a steady breath and exhaled calmly before jumping. Perhaps I should have allowed Robin to examine my arm, because as soon as the line pulled it, a sharp pain that I was not expecting went through my biceps all the way down my arm through my fingers. I hit the wall heavily and the gun slipped out of my grip. At first I was not afraid of falling, but then I realized that in my altered form a fall like this could possibly be fatal, and it would hurt very much at the least. There was nothing I could do to stop myself. I squeezed my eyes shut tight, an image of Crux with his ray gun flashing against my eyelids.

My fall changed course as something knocked into me. Robin's arms closed around me, and again he rolled us as we hit the ground. Even doing that hurt a little. I must not have sustained anything more than bumps and bruises, but I was used to falling much higher than this and cratering the ground when I fell while sustaining no damage. I felt helpless and so very breakable.

I did not pick myself up off the ground, but in a rather embarrassing display I curled into myself, pressing my hands over my eyes. I missed my flight sorely. Tears pricked at my eyes.

Robin pulled me into a sitting position, clearly worried that the reason for my distress was physical pain. "Are you okay?"

"No," I answered, too upset to be distant with him.

"Are you hurt?"

"No."

He sighed, relieved. "It's okay, Star. It'll get easier. You just need practice."

"No, Robin," I said, my voice tight. "It will not be okay."

He took his hands away from my shoulders and I pressed my hands against my eyes more firmly in an attempt to dissolve the tears that were welling there. "Starfire, I know it seems that way, but—"

"When I got my starbolts from the Psions," I began, bringing my hands away from my eyes to look at them and imagine the familiar green light encompassing them, "I hated them. I was not like other Tamaraneans. I felt like… I believe the term is, a freak." I glanced up at Robin, who was watching me carefully but did not interrupt. "But they have proven useful on Earth. Even on Tamaran, my power was respected. And now my natural Tamaranean abilities have been taken away." I shut my eyes against tears. "I do not know who I am any longer."

Robin pulled me in for a hug, which I reciprocated. "You're Starfire," he said against my hair. "You're a Teen Titan. You can't fly, but you can still kick major butt." I pulled back and he smiled at me, smoothing my hair away from my face. "Your favorite color is green. Your favorite food is mustard. Your birthday is the first day of summer and your favorite time of day is sunset."

"Robin?"

"You have a family of Titans who love you no matter what. And I promise that will never change."

I could not stop the tears now, but these were different from the kind of tears I had been experiencing lately. I threw my arms around Robin's neck and hugged him tightly. "Thank you," I whispered.

Neither one of us had to voice the fact that we made up then, but we both knew. I considered apologizing, but I did not. Robin did not need me to, and I did not need Robin to. That was how friendship worked.

"Is your arm okay?" he asked, returning to business. "That's what threw you off, right?"

"Yes. I believe it is the okay," I assured him. "I was simply not expecting the type of pain. I can continue."

"If it hurts, you shouldn't stress it too much."

"Robin," I said firmly. "I am fine."

He sighed, defeated, and stood, offering his hand to help me up. "Okay. But I'm not gonna go easy on you. If you want to train, you have to do it all or nothing."

"Very well."

Robin smiled at me, pleased with my enthusiasm. "That a girl."

I could not make the heads or the tails of the grammar Robin applied to that sentence, so I simply smiled back.

My smile did not last long, however. The grappling hook is used to aid oneself in acrobatic tricks, catch criminals, pull oneself away from danger, pull someone or something out of danger… The list is quite extensive. And Robin made me practice most uses he could think of. I was not good with the device—my aim varied from true to very poor, my arms became tired quickly, and I could not get used to being pulled in the direction of the line rather than flying and choosing my own course.

Finally, after hours of training under Robin's careful gaze, the gem on my breastplate flashed red and the communicator at my belt beeped. Robin's alerted us, as well, but I reached mine first, plucking it away from my belt before he removed his from its designated pouch.

"Beast Boy!" I exclaimed, happy for the recess from training. "What is the trouble?"

Robin's arm brushed mine as he moved into Beast Boy's line of view. Beast Boy looked between us, confused at our proximity, but he did not comment.

"It's Red X," Beast Boy answered, and Robin nearly snatched the communicator out of my hand. His expression darkened the way it always did when Red X was mentioned. As much as Robin has moved past the mistake he first made regarding the red X suit, I do not think he will ever forgive himself for essentially creating a new villain, and especially not a villain who is so competent and who causes us so much trouble.

"Where?" he asked curtly.

"Art Museum," Beast Boy answered. "Do you want us to—?"

"No. It's probably better that there's less of us for now." Without any more words, Robin snapped the communicator closed and handed it back to me.

I could not help but feel that Robin was being rash, as he sometimes was. With only me at his side, it would be very much as though Robin were fighting Red X on his own, which I am sure is what he wanted.

"C'mon, Star," he called as he began walking toward the exit.

Perhaps I should have urged him to call on our friends for backup, but I was too eager to prove my own usefulness, as Robin was, to think of the advantages that our friends would bring.

**Yay! They made up! I've never really written them being mad at each other, and it was kinda fun but I'm mostly over it now. Not that the rest of this fic is going to sparkles and bunnies, but it'll verge on fluffy sometimes?**

"Do the biting of me," I growled.

He chuckled and stood back, satisfied to at least get a rise out of me. "Easy, cutie. As tempting as that sounds, I think I'll just get what I—"

Confused by his abrupt stop, I glanced over to where the canister had rolled only to find that it was gone. And so was Robin.

"Dammit," Red X muttered. "Where'd he go?"


	11. Red X

**Hi, guys! I hope it wasn't too obvious but I kind of lost my motivation for this fic. Which is okay, because I always give myself a big buffer so you guys don't have to stop getting updates. Buuuut I stopped trying to make myself write this fic and I wrote a bunch of drabbles on tumblr (link on my profile if you like) and now I'm back! Yay! Sorry if I didn't answer your reviews, I'll do better with that starting this week. I read and appreciated all of them, though, so thanks. Things are going to start picking up plot- and action-wise. Hope you like what I have to offer, now that I've kind of re-vamped it a little.**

**Chapter 11 – Red X**

The motorcycle ride to the Museum of Art was much more pleasant than the one to mainland Jump. I sat closer to Robin now that I was not angry with him, and I wrapped my arms around his torso, grabbing hold of my wrist to anchor myself to him. My dislike of motorcycles had not faded, but it was better now that I was not quarreling with Robin.

Anxiety gnawed at my stomach as we approached the museum. Knowing Robin's vendetta against Red X, he would most likely become impatient with me, as I was still doing the testing of the waters with my new belt.

There was a single police car outside the museum. I was unsure if more were en route or if only one was necessary. We learned from them that a painting had been taken from where hung on the wall. The motion sensors had been disabled, which is what set off the alarm. Sloppy work for Red X, but the security had been enhanced last month in secret. Robin parked the R-cycle and we entered the museum with clearance from the police.

The illumination inside was all red lights, which made it difficult to see much more than silhouettes. Slabs of metal covered the windows. After we entered, the door was locked behind us. It was slightly claustrophobic.

"Remember the line-of-sight teleporter," Robin instructed without looking at me as he reached into his belt for his bo-staff. "The cloaking device, the stretching Xes… You have the edge in this, Star. He won't be expecting you to use your belt, he'll be expecting starbolts and flight and super strength. Use that to your advantage."

I nodded, growing more nervous as he spoke. He intended to split up, I realized.

"Earpiece in?" he asked.

I nodded again.

"Good." He dropped his voice and leaned in close to me. "I'll be near."

He was using me as bait. In confrontations, Red X liked to attack Cyborg, Beast Boy, Raven and I first, I think in order to anger Robin. I also believe that Red X saw Robin as a true equal in battle, as neither of them had powers. There was no doubt that he would go after me first in order to fight against Robin without interruption.

Robin disappeared, seamlessly melting into the shadows. He would need to teach me to do that. I glanced around, trying not to think of the last time we split up in hope to catch Red X, which led to our capture by Professor Chang.

"I thought he'd never leave," came the slightly tinny but startlingly familiar voice of Red X from some unseen location in the room.

"Red X," I greeted. I clenched my palms into fists, which ordinarily signified an intent to fire starbolts, but now I was doing it as a nervous gesture.

"Easy, cutie," he soothed. I did not like it when he called me that.

His voice was coming from the right. The cloaking device was annoying, but it was not invisible. The red light made it hard to see everything. It would be nearly impossible to find him while cloaked. A blow to the shoulder knocked me back. This was not good.

I lashed out at the spot the hit had come from, but he was gone.

"You're gonna have to be faster than that, cutie."

I inhaled slowly, concentrating. There were tricks to find someone who was cloaked. Of course, my usual tactic was to unleash a spray of starbolts while spinning in a circle, which usually hit an opponent regardless. I turned and saw it—the way the light rolled oddly, bending the wrong way. I swept my feet under the mass of shimmering light, but he jumped over me and I lost sight of him.

He appeared as he reached the height of his jump, arms spread and feet tucked under him. He looked the same as ever—except for the canister which attached to his belt at the hip, which contained the painting he stole.

"Costume change?" he asked as he landed, deliberately looking me over. I threw a punch at him, which he ducked under easily. "I like it."

Glaring, I landed a punch to his jaw. He narrowed his eyes at me and grabbed my wrist, flipping me over him so that I landed on my stomach. This was embarrassing.

"What's with you?" he asked conversationally. "No flying, no starbolts, no glowing eyes… You sick or something?"

Brushing myself off, I stood. He was not attacking now, only watching me curiously. "I do not wish to engage in conversation," I snapped.

He lifted his shoulders in a shrug. "As you wish." Lazily, he stretched out his arm and an X shot out from his palm. I cartwheeled out of the way, placing my body in the triangle between the tips of the X as it sailed past me. He shot another, which I ducked beneath. I wished for my flight.

I got close enough to throw a punch, but when I did so he merely caught my wrist painfully, raising a suspicious eyebrow. "What, you're not gonna throw me into the wall? Shoot a starbolt in my face?"

I growled at him and swiped my free hand at the canister on his hip. He caught that hand, too, and held both my wrists up by his chest. "That's mine," he scolded me.

"It is not yours! It is the property of the museum!"

"Well, it's mine now." Red X pulled my close, inspecting me as though he was expecting a trick. "Seriously, why aren't you attacking? New way of flirting?"

I bared my teeth at him and he pushed me away roughly. While I stumbled, he shot another X from his palm. It hit me across the stomach and attached to the wall, trapping my arms at my sides. I thrashed against the device, but I already knew that I would not be able to escape on my own. Even with Tamaranean-level strength, I could not escape from this.

Red X tilted my head up with a finger under my chin. "'Cause, y'know, if it _is_ a new way flirting, I say that you and me could get outta here and—"

The sound of metal sliding against metal made us both look up. Robin dropped down from the ceiling, knocking Red X back and standing between us. Red X clenched his hands into tight fists, brandishing the x-blades on his wrists. He lunged at Robin, and the blades met the bo staff in a flare of metal on metal.

"Aw. Are you mad I was talking to your girlfriend?" Red X taunted as the blades on his wrists met Robin's bo staff, as though I were not feeling suitably uncomfortable. Robin released a disc from his belt, which exploded in a burst of ice that snaked over the floor, and Red X stumbled back on the unexpectedly slippery ground.

"Ice on the floor? What, are we playing Mario Kart?"

Robin took advantage of that to cut me free from the bindings on the wall. His bird-a-rang seemed to be one of the only things that could cut through the material used to make Red X's gadgets, which I am sure was purposeful in the design.

I hardly had time to shake the numbness away from my arms before Red X threw a volley of shuriken at us. We scattered and they sank into the wall where we had been standing moments ago. Robin reciprocated by throwing a handful of spherical devices on the ground, which exploded into billowing clouds of dense, white smoke. I crossed my arms in front of my face, coughing. I always hated the smoke-bombs, although now the smoke would not reflect the light from my starbolts back at me.

I had always been particularly ill-equipped to handle Robin's more theatrical tricks, such as these, because the smoke intensified the glare from my starbolts and the glow in my eyes and made it even more difficult to see than was intended, while alerting my location to others in the fog. Because of this, I usually floated above smoke when it was used, and now that flight was not an option I was at a loss.

The museum had a vaulted ceiling with marble floors, and the sounds of footsteps echoed through the mist. I could hear Robin and Red X battling. Obviously they were more accustomed to this than I was.

When I stepped out of the smoke, I found myself in a room with a large counter and many children's toys stocked on shelves. In the center of the room, there was a pile of long canisters on display for selling.

An idea began to scratch at the back of my mind. I picked up one of the canisters and opened it, revealing the outline of a picture of the famous painting of the smiling woman, the Lisa Mona, with numbers indicating which color each part should be. It was a children's toy to color in at home.

I tapped my earpiece. "Robin?"

Through the dense fog, there was a colorful explosion which I could hear through the earpiece as well as in the distance.

"Robin?" I repeated fearfully.

"I'm fine. I'm coming over to you."

I did not ask how he knew where I was. I knew better than that Even though the fog was dispersing, I only noticed Robin's appearance at my side when he touched my elbow, and that frightened me so badly that I whirled around with my palm held out flat as though I would shoot a starbolt through it. Embarrassed, I dropped my hand when I realized it was Robin.

"X'hal," I muttered under my breath.

"What's up?" he asked, politely ignoring my surprise.

Wordlessly, I handed the canister to him. He observed it, then turned to the shelf which held even more of the containers.

"Good," he said, praise in his voice. "We can use these."

I beamed at him, but my smile wavered as my attention switched to a red mark on Robin's jaw. I placed my fingers over it, stepping perhaps closer than was necessary. He seemed startled by my touch and he looked slightly confused as he flicked his gaze up to my eyes. Taking my wrist in his hand, he gently moved my fingers away from his face.

"We'll work together," Robin said. "Attack him from both sides. Let me cross the room first. Get the painting away from him and make sure he can't find it."

I sighed, stepping back and looking at the ground abashedly. When I looked up, he was gone. I hated it when he did that.

"I'm across," he whispered into the earpiece, and I could make out Red X's silhouette in the fading mist.

"Of course," I answered quietly. "I shall—"

I was interrupted by Robin's shout as he began attacking Red X without me. I had hoped that we would team up to attack him. Perhaps Robin was hoping that to prove a distraction while I took the canister from Red X. I approached them slowly, attempting not to alert Red X to my presence.

Robin was punching Red X around the stomach, and I realized that he was both attempting to free the canister at his hip and break the teleport pad.

From where I stood, I could possibly ensnare Red X in the line from the grappling hook gun in my belt. However, Robin would become ensnared as well, and I would likely miss.

A shower of red sparks danced over both of the boys, although Robin, whose fist was connected to the teleport pad on Red X's belt, seemed most affected. He dropped to the ground limply as sparks continued to leap over the thief's belt. Unconcerned, Red X nudged Robin in the ribs with his foot.

"Well thank fuck I had this thing insulated," he muttered to himself. An experimental press of the teleport pad resulted in more sparks, and Red X sighed. "I know you're behind me, by the way."

"What did you do?" I demanded. Although I wanted to rush to Robin's side and attempt to revive him, I did not.

"I didn't do anything. He broke the teleport pad, which shorted it out. I won't be able to get anything out of my belt now." Red X tuned to me and squeezed his hands into fists, making the blades on his wrists jump out once more. "The xynothium's okay, though, so I still have a few tricks up my sleeve."

This was not good. Robin's bo-staff had rolled across the floor during their short fight, and I grabbed onto it defensively, holding it across my body. This was a calming gesture. The staff was not as foreign to me as the belt. I could be on Okaara training with my spar mates. I could be in the training room with Robin.

Red X laughed. "Cute," he taunted. It was most likely advantageous to me that he believed that I did not know how to properly wield a bo-staff, but I was enraged nonetheless. "I'll teach you how to use that staff, cutie. Or maybe a different kind of staff."

I grimaced at the implication. I lunged forward and swept the staff at his feet, but he jumped over it easily. I swung it again and he blocked it with the blade on his wrist.

"You're off your game," he announced, narrowing his eyes at me.

I could not twist the staff. This would have been my next move had I still had my strength, but as it was locked in place by the edges of the X-shaped blade and as I was battling against his now-superior strength, I could not move it.

Red X jerked his wrists upward, flipping me over him, and I was thrown in an arc over his shoulders. I landed with my chest against the wall clumsily.

Fighting with Red X was much different than sparring with Robin. Robin moved lightly with a sort of practiced ease. When Robin performed a flip, it was because it gave him leverage or because it added momentum to a toss of a disc or other weapon. When Red X performed a flip, it was because it added momentum to his oncoming attack. He did not waste any movement that could be turned to a physical attack. Red X was much more ruthless. They were both quick on their feet, but in drastically different ways. Robin was fast in the way that a bird might be fast; Red X was fast in the way a tiger was fast.

Before I could turn away from the wall, Red X was behind me. He grabbed my wrist and pulled it back painfully, then he snapped something cold over my wrist.

Earth handcuffs.

Some reservoir of strength in my human body, reserved for panic or last minute occasions, broke loose as I fought off oncoming panic. I brought my steel-lined boot down on his toes, which were probably protected by lining in his own boots, and as I did that I slammed my elbow into his stomach. Once he released me, I spun quickly, bringing the handcuff dangling from the chain attached to my wrist across his cheek. A line was cut through his mask as the metal scraped his skin.

He ducked under my next punch and hit me in the stomach. I needed to get away from the wall. I ducked to the side as he brought his elbow down on my back, which knocked me to the ground. The wall was no longer keeping me in place, but being on the floor was not much of an advantage. I grabbed a sharp disc from my belt and sliced the string that held the canister to his belt, and it hit the ground next to me and rolled.

Doing that cost me time, and I could not get away from Red X as he lunged for my arms. He held me in a vice-like grip around my shoulders, and one of his feet was over the handcuff that was not around my wrist. It occurred to me that I could possibly escape by knocking our foreheads together, but it also occurred to me that his full-face mask was protective and that doing so would damage me more than it would damage him.

"Okay," he said, sounding very much like he was scolding me. "Where are your powers? Why are you dressed up like Robin's sidekick with a matching belt?"

"Robin's sidekick?" I spluttered.

Red X pushed me onto the ground and snapped the other handcuff over my wrist, locking my arms into place behind my back. I had been trained to fight with my arms restrained, but most styles involved flight. I could hardly think past the strain in my arm from my bicep, which I injured during grappling hook practice with Robin earlier

"So your powers are gone," he remarked, studying me. "Is it just you, or is the whole band of merry idiots on your team depowered?"

"Do the biting of me," I growled.

He chuckled and stood back, satisfied to at least get a rise out of me. "Easy, cutie. As tempting as that sounds, I think I'll just get what I—"

Confused by his abrupt stop, I glanced over to where the canister had rolled only to find that it was gone. And so was Robin.

"Dammit," Red X muttered. "Where'd he go?"

"Right over here."

Both Red X and I snapped our heads in the direction of Robin's voice. He was across the large expanse of tiled hall in the gift shop, standing next to the shelf of toy canisters. Easily, he tossed Red X's canister on the floor in front of the shelf.

"Wait," Red X called, panic edging at his voice. "Don't—"

As the word left his mouth, Robin tipped the shelf over by nudging it with his elbow, looking very pleased with himself while doing it. Robin just watched as Red X darted forward, rifling through containers in search of his own. Defeated, he faced Robin, his posture defeated.

"My teleporter's fried. The painting's gone. My contract's canceled." He shrugged lightheartedly and held out his hands, wrists together.

"Really," Robin intoned, his eyebrows rising. "Just like that."

Red X shrugged again. "At this point, it's easier to hang out in jail for a while."

"It's not hanging out," Robin insisted, his brows furrowing. "It's—"

"Yeah, whatever. As long as the mask stays on, I'll be a good boy."

Robin glanced at me, and I understood that he needed to take care of Red X before aiding me in the escaping of the handcuffs.

He clipped handcuffs over Red X's wrists and they left me in the semi-darkness by myself.

Handcuffs, on their own, are not so terrible. There are many worse things than limited mobility, especially as I was not handcuffed to anything else. But memories clawed me, creeping into my thoughts like invasive Tamaranean yegalis ivy up the bark of nygrid tree. Memories of the Citadel, of the Gordanian slavers, of my sister…

I do not know how long I was there by myself while Robin handed Red X to the police. I was concentrating too hard on keeping calm. Surely it could not have been more than a few minutes.

"Star?" Robin's voice called, and I sighed in relief as he approached me. "Are you okay?"

"Certainly," I answered.

Robin did not press me for more information, but judging by the way he lowered one eyebrow he knew that I was not in fact okay. "At least it's just handcuffs. Simple enough to pick the lock on these," he said, his voice oddly light in an attempt to comfort me. He kneeled behind me and I heard the small click of a lock pick sliding down from the compartment in the finger of his glove.

A shock ran up my arms and I jumped. "Ouch," I muttered, more confused than hurt.

"Ouch?" Robin echoed, pausing. "What do you mean, ouch?"

Another shock jolted my arms, striking painfully at my elbows and shoulders before settling in my chest. "I mean that hurts," I snapped, and I wriggled away from him.

"Wait, let me try one more time."

I sighed and allowed him to inspect the lock before sliding the pick into place. Another shock ran up my arms and I was not sure whether the shocks were increasing in intensity or if my threshold for pain was lowering with fatigue, but they were hurting more and more.

"X'hal," I muttered, frustrated and embarrassed. "Robin, stop."

"Dammit," he mumbled under his breath.

"What is it?"

"He rigged it! The bastard rigged it!" Robin retracted the lock pick and stood, huffing. "Do you have any idea how long this had to take him?" Although he was rather angry, he helped me to feet gently. "He rigged the inside of the lock!" he spluttered as I turned to face him.

"Will you be able to get me out of this mechanism?" I asked.

"Of course I can. But not here."

My stomach sank. "What?"

"Once we get you back to the Tower it'll be—"

"How will we get back?" I demanded, not at all pleased with this situation.

Robin dropped his arms to his sides. "Hey, calm down. We'll take the R-cycle back to—"

"I am not riding on the R-cycle this way," I snapped.

"Why not?"

"Because my hands are joined together at my back and thus I will be unable to hold onto you or the vehicle," I said, trying to calm down.

Robin generally did not appreciate sarcasm, but he put his hands on my shoulders in an attempt to calm me. "You'll go in front of me. I'll hold you up."

"I hate the R-cycle," I told him, feeling childish, and tears stung at the back of my eyes. I hoped that Robin would not notice in the red lighting.

"Star," he said softly, and I ducked my head to collect myself and hide the tears shining in my eyes. "I'm sorry, but we need to get back and on the cycle's the only way." He tucked stray strands of hair behind my ear. "It'll be fine."

As we left, members of the police force were rifling through the pile of canisters on the ground, searching for the painting Red X was attempting to steal. We exited the museum, Robin staying close to me as a source of comfort. We approached the R-cycle and I stared at it doubtfully.

"Starfire," Robin murmured when we in the shelter of the alley, and he lifted my chin to make me look at him. I jerked my head away. "Hey. Please tell me what's wrong."

I could not look at him. To stall for time, I leaned back on the R-cycle in a way that was almost sitting, although I was not truly in a very comfortable position. "I detest handcuffs. I have always detested handcuffs."

"Oh," Robin said, understanding in his voice. "They remind you of—"

I rushed to interrupt him. "It is humiliating. I will have to stride through the Tower and all our friends will see my weakness, and Beast Boy and Cyborg will make jokes as they always do that I will not find funny at all, and Raven will sense my emotions and I have never spoken to her about my past and she—"

"Starfire," he interrupted. "It's okay. They'll understand."

"I do not wish for them to understand," I muttered, and a tear escaped as I blinked and I could not even wipe it away. "I simply wish for them not to know."

Robin stepped in front of me and put his hands on either side of the seat on the bike. It's okay, Star," he offered lamely, and he lifted his hand to wipe at my tears since I could not do that myself.

We stayed that way for much longer than was necessary, Robin standing so close, brushing his fingers from my cheek to my jaw.

"C'mon," he said after several minutes. "Let's get you home."

I closed my eyes, feeling emotionally drained and physically exhausted. "You will need to assist me."

"'Kay. Just scoot up, but keep your legs over the side." I did as I was instructed, and he pushed me farther up on the seat. After I was comfortable in a definition of the word that was much more Tamaranean than it was Earth, he mounted the vehicle behind me with one arm gripping the handlebar behind my back and the other reaching over my lap. "You okay?"

"May I inform you of how much I detest this vehicle?"

"You'll get used to it." He tapped something into the AI in front of me.

I winced as he revved the engine. "Please to not drop me."

He chuckled at that, and he leaned forward so that his mouth was close to my ear so that I would hear him over the roar of the engine. "Never. I'll go slow."

Apparently, slow only meant slower than Robin's usually fast speed setting, and certainly not slow by my standards. If my arms were free, this would not have been a truly unpleasant way to ride the R-cycle. I was closer to Robin this way, and I could have rested my head on his shoulder. I did not, of course, but the option was there. I could feel the muscles in his arms as he turned the vehicle and in his chest as he leaned over me.

After what felt like an agonizingly long ride, we pulled into the garage at the Tower. Cyborg was still tinkering at the T-car and I shrank into Robin's chest, feeling quite uncharacteristically shy. Robin noted the gesture by touching his fingers to my back and, after, he slid off the bike, wrapping his fingers around my elbow to help me off.

Cyborg glanced up at us. "Y'all're back early. How'd it go back at the museum?"

I looked down at my feet as Robin answered. "Red X should be at the jail now. I'd appreciate it if either you or Raven or Beast Boy could call in a few minutes to check up on that, actually."

"What's up with Star?" Cyborg asked, concerned.

I still did not answer and Robin nudged me toward the elevator. "Red X got her into handcuffs and electrified the tumbled on the lock so I can't pick it. It's my fault, I left her to do too much with the new belt."

"How ya gonna get her out?"

"Not sure yet," Robin answered, and I made a small but alarmed noise in the back of my throat. "

"A small EMP might do it," Cyborg offered.

"Yeah. Thanks. I'm gonna try a dampener first." Robin pressed the call button and the elevator doors opened immediately.

"You do not know how you are going to free me?" I demanded.

"Sh. It'll be fine. I've got a couple options, that's all I meant."

"If I had my usual strength, this would not be a problem," I mourned.

Robin gave me a stern look. "I can't believe you're actually blaming yourself."

The elevator reached the top floor and we stepped into the hall. Robin steered me toward the investigation room and he ducked inside, grabbing an armful of things before rejoining me in the hall.

"Come on, to my room," he said, gesturing down the hell with his head.

I followed him to his room, sitting on the edge of his bed after he opened the door for me. He put down the things he gathered from the investigation room and he made me turn so that he could observe my wrists.

"He put these on kinda tight. You okay?" I could feel his fingers stroking along my wrists, trying to soothe where the metal was biting into them.

"Yes. I wish to have them off now, please."

"Working on it. Do you think you can twist so that your arms are in front? You know, bring your arms down under your feet? You should be flexible enough to do it, considering all the training we do."

"No, that would not work. Tamaraneans are proportioned differently than humans. We have longer legs."

Robin coughed and I turned to look at him. He was blushing very faintly, and I could tell that he had glanced down at my knees. "What do you mean, longer legs?"

"I cannot bring my arms under my body because they will get stuck at my feet?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "What did you think I meant?"

"Nothing!" he answered quickly. "I'm gonna cut the chain, okay? Give you some mobility?"

"Please."

"Kay. Hold still." I heard something metal behind me, and then what sounded like a laser. After a few seconds of high pitched whirring, my arms were free, although the cuffs still constricted my wrists.

"Thank X'hal," I muttered, rolling my shoulders.

"Better?" he asked.

"Much better, thank you!" I turned to him, beaming, and he smiled back at me. I threw my arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. "You are a good friend!" I gushed.

"Heh. Yeah. Thanks." He let his arms hang and did not reciprocate my hug, but I did not mind.

Softly, I said into his shoulder, "I am sorry for crying earlier."

Robin pushed me away so that he could look me in the eyes. "You don't have to apologize for that. Ever."

"I realize that humans do not express their emotions as unabashedly as I do. I suppose that is something that I will have to do the working on."

"Don't you remember what I said? Don't change yourself because of Crux," Robin said sternly. Gently, he added, "I don't want you to change, Star."

That made my heart flip. "But how am I to do the fitting in? Your ways are most strange to me. Everything I do is somehow wrong, or at least different."

"Nothing you do is wrong." He found my fingers and squeezed them in his. "Everything you do is perfect."

"Perfect?" I echoed unsurely.

A blush spread over his cheeks. "Uh, well, you know. Perfect for you." He scratched the back of his neck, a habit which I knew to be a sort of nervous tic.

"Thank you."

Robin grabbed another tool and attached it to the cuff on my right wrist. "This is an electrical dampener. It should drain the electric energy. It'll take a few minutes, though."

I twisted my wrist to inspect the object. I traced my finger along the outside of the metal gingerly.

"Hurts?"

I dropped my hand and looked at Robin. "A little. I am fine. But you injured your cranium!" Suddenly remembering, I shuffled closer to him.

"I'm fine, Star," he mumbled.

"Oh, but you did the passing out as a result of Red X's belt doing the shorting out. Should you not have Raven inspect the injury and do a scan of your vitals?" I raised my fingers to his hair and pressed them against his head, searching for a bump.

"Starfire, cut it out. I'm okay." He raised his hand to take my wrist as I found a sizable lump on the back of his head.

"You must have Raven—"

"I've had worse. It doesn't even hurt. Honest." He tugged on my elbow so that I would drop my arm.

I was not finished, however. "And this," I murmured, dropping my fingers and tracing them lightly over a bruise on his jaw, which was turning deep purple. "Should you not apply ice to the tender area?"

"If it makes you feel better, I'll ice it after we get the cuffs off you. Here, the dampener should be about done." I dropped my wrist in front of his eyes and he brandished the lock pick out of his finger compartment. He slid the pick into place, and as the action was not met with any further electrical shocks, I released a breath I had not been aware that I was holding. Robin relaxed, as well.

"That could have been a lot worse," he said. "I was afraid I'd have to cut them off." He placed the dampener on the other cuff and I sighed, leaning back on the bed.

"I am very tired," I admitted, and saying the words made a yawn scratch at the back of my throat.

"You've had a busy day," Robin commented. He was attempting to be understanding, but I felt as though he was only doing the humoring of me.

"Hey, Rob," Cyborg's voice called, and we both turned to Robin's communicator.

"Yeah," Robin answered, giving me an apologetic expression, and something about the fact that Robin was sorry that he had to take his attention away from me warmed my stomach as though I had swallowed a starbolt.

"Can you gimme a hand with this?"

"With what?"

"Filling out the expense sheet for repairs on the T-car. Just some things I want you to double check."

"Yeah, I'll come down in a minute." Robin turned off his communicator and turned to me. "I'm gonna be a few minutes. Sorry. The dampener should be finished draining the cuff by the time I finish."

"Very well. Now that I am no longer bound, there is no rush," I said, although I shifted awkwardly as I felt a bit odd that I was to be alone in Robin's room.

"You sure?"

"Certainly."

"Okay. Just don't… you know…" he paused uncomfortably. "Go through stuff."

I frowned in lieu of asking him if he truly thought I would do that.

"I know, just… you know. Okay. I'll be right back."

The only thing to do was to lay back and replay the battle with Red X in my mind. It was clear that I would need to learn greater mastery over my belt. With Robin now helping, this should become easier.

Even though we had done the making up, something about Robin training me was unpleasant. I knew that he would kind in training, and that he would be helpful, and that training with him would be most efficient. I could not place my hesitancy, and I decided to think of it no longer. I was too tired for such confusing thoughts and I simply closed my eyes to peacefully wait for Robin's return.

**I have made the decision to use Earth as an adjective. You might not think this is a big deal, but bear with me because it's been bothering me. So on Green Lantern: the animated Series, they use Earthen, but I don't like that because earthen means clay. Like, earth as in dirt instead of Earth as in planet. I guess it's not a big deal, but it bugs me. And Earthling I don't like either, because the suffix "-ling" is kind of… it has a negative connotation? Or, like, a young connotation. I don't know. The suffix makes it sound like someone is talking down to whomever they're using it on. So I'm just using Earth. Earth word, Earth people, Earth culture. I like that best. **

All of my windows were smashed. Broken glass crunched beneath my boots. The contents of my dresser were strewn across the room, some of the drawers thrown against the opposite wall so hard they cracked the drywall before falling to the floor. Others were simply lying on the ground in front of the dresser and some were hanging half-out, but each one had been disturbed. Shells I had collected were strewn across the carpet.

My closet door had been torn away from its track and thrown carelessly against the wall. The doorframe had been raked by claws, the moulding scarred with deep lines and pieces missing.

**(Thanks to Miki Dee for pointing out that I left off a teaser.)**


	12. Razed

**I didn't mean to imply with my author's note last chapter that I wasn't going to be posting anymore! I am. Every Friday, promise.**

**Chapter 12 – Razed**

I was wrenched from my sleep by the blaring of the Tower's alarm, complete with flashing red lights and a klaxon that swelled in my ears and faded only to swell again. With all of that activity, it took me several seconds before I realized that I was not in my room.

I had fallen asleep in Robin's room.

Robin was standing by his desk, snapping his laptop closed. I looked up at him, unsure, then glanced at my wrist, which was free of the handcuff that had been on it when I fell asleep.

"My apologies," I muttered, embarrassed. The blanket that Robin had thrown over me had fallen to the floor.

"It's okay," he told me distractedly. "I took a while and you were already asleep, so I just picked the lock and let you sleep." As he spoke, he reached in his belt and pulled out his communicator.

This was the Tower's own alarm, I realized, and any lingering fuzziness from sleep was faded quickly. When the Tower's faculties were breached, an image of the Tower was displayed on our communicators with a bright green glow where the alarm had been tripped. This was so that we could meet up at the right place instead of first converging in the operations room and wasting time while the intruder roamed freely in our home.

Robin flipped open his communicator and frowned. He glanced up at me and narrowed his eyes.

"What is the trouble?" I pressed.

"Nothing," he muttered, snapping the communicator shut with a snap. "Stay here." He moved toward the door.

"What?" I demanded, bewildered and offended that Robin was once again excluding me. I snatched my own communicator off my belt and opened it. The green light indicated— "M-my room?"

"I'm serious, Starfire," Robin growled. "Stay here."

He stalked into the hallway and I did not even attempt to show a pretense of listening to him. I followed him into the hall and the red lights flared, becoming constant instead of flashing. Cyborg and Beast Boy were standing in front of the door to my room and Robin disappeared inside.

"Oh my god, Star," Cyborg said when he saw me. He rushed over to me and placed his hands on my shoulders, pulling me against him for a hug. "We didn't see you in there and Raven didn't sense you. We thought…"

I stared at him, confused. Raven's raven materialized behind Cyborg and I pushed myself out of his grip. Raven was clothed in pajamas but she did not look tired. She looked panicked.

"Star!" she cried upon seeing me, and she pulled me out of Cyborg's arms and into her own, briefly. She began studying me, searching for injuries. "Are you hurt? Is everything okay? Where under Azar's skies were you?"

"I—" I began, but I was not the one who needed to explain at this moment. Everyone knew hat was going on but me, and clearly I was the one affected by whatever had occurred. "What is going on?" I demanded.

"Look for yourself." Raven gestured toward my door.

"It's pretty bad," Beast Boy informed me apologetically.

I approached my door only to find Robin in front of it. "You can't go in there," he said sternly.

"W-why not?" I meant to sound stern as well, but I was becoming frightened by the fuss each of my friends were making and my voice shook.

"Robin, she needs to see," Raven snapped.

"I dunno, Rae," Cyborg muttered. "It's pretty bad."

"Friends, please!" I cried, frustrated. "I do not even know what is going on and I wish to see what has all of you so upset!"

Cyborg and Beast Boy shuffled away from the door and Raven, with her hand on my back, led me up to it. Robin glowered at her but he stepped aside to allow us entry.

All of my windows were smashed. Broken glass crunched beneath my boots. The contents of my dresser were strewn across the room, some of the drawers thrown against the opposite wall so hard they cracked the drywall before falling to the floor. Others were simply lying on the ground in front of the dresser and some were hanging half-out, but each one had been disturbed. Shells I had collected were strewn across the carpet.

My closet door had been torn away from its track and thrown carelessly against the wall. The doorframe had been raked by claws, the moulding scarred with deep lines and pieces missing.

My bed had been flayed open, bleeding stuffing and springs. My sheets were mangled, torn to shreds. What pieces were not torn had been twisted together and tied into a noose. The pillows were each torn open, the feathers strewn across the mattress, spilling across the floor. On top of the one pillow left intact was the miniature puppet of myself. It had a hole ripped in the left side of its chest, with a sprinkling of other claw marks across its wooden body.

The walls had even been scratched up, four diagonal lines inches deep in the drywall, showing the steel beneath that fortified our tower. On one wall, opposite my dresser, the word 'CRUX' had been carved so deep that in the middle of the X where the lines crossed, the hallway was visible.

I approached the puppet of myself, glass crunching like hard-packed snw. It certainly felt like winter; all the warmth seemed absent from my room. Raven levitated behind me, as she was in bare feet, and she put her hand on my shoulder comfortingly.

I could only stare down at the feathers, which caught the red light in their down and reflected it back, looking almost like water, tinged red. I picked up one feather and spun it slowly betwedn two fingers, oddly captivated by the way the light glanced off of it.

"Where was Silkie when this happened?" I asked calmly, twirling the feather gently.

"He's fine!" Beast Boy assured me. "He was with me."

"That is good."

Suddenly my knees felt weak and breath would not come. My head began buzzing like the cicadas in summer on this planet, or the jerufka insects that meet in the light of the twin moons on Tamaran. The feather fluttered to the floor gently, slowly, and I tried to catch it but my whole body followed it toward the ground. Darkness closed around me and vaguely I knew that Raven caught me with her powers, but I could hardly feel the coldness that accompanied them. The dark was soothing and the buzz in my head smoothed into a pleasant dullness, like static on the screen of the television during a particularly bad storm.

"_I told you not to show her!"_

"_She needed to see."_

"_She's just relieved that Silkie's okay!"_

"_Whoever this Crux person is has it in for Star."_

"_Scan isn't picking up any fingerprints or a residual heat trail."_

"_There's gotta be something. Scan again."_

"_She's in shock. She'll wake up when she's ready." _

"_No use torturing yourself, man. Get some shut eye."_

"_I'll go to bed in a minute."_

_Screeeeeeech._

"_I'm not leaving you. I'll be right here, Star. Nothing's going to happen to you. I promise."_

…

"Oh," I groaned as I became aware of a dull ache in my head. I stretched my arms up and yawned. Sunlight was glinting off white walls and back into my eyes, making me squint.

I was in the medical bay, I realized. The cot beneath me was slightly uncomfortable. I began slowly sitting up, but I glanced down at my side and I gasped.

Robin had pillowed his head in his gloveless hands, which were folded in the cot in front of him. He had pulled up a chair next to the cot, and as he slept he leaned forward until the cot became his pillow.

I did not know what time it was or if I should wake him. "Robin?" I called softly.

He jerked his chin up, startling me. "Oh," he muttered groggily, rubbing his eye over his mask. "Um, g'morning."

I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my cheek on them. "It was not one of the mares of night, was it?"

Robin stood and looked down at me. "No. It wasn't."

I nodded. "I did not think so."

"You know that we're not gonna let anything happen to you," he rushed to assure me.

I nodded again. I did not have the energy to do much else. "Where will I sleep? My room…"

"We'll figure something out," Robin said. "Are you feeling okay, though?"

"I suppose," I sighed.

"Here, let me look." He sat on the edge of the cot, reaching for my hand and tugging it toward him. He turned my hand so that the inside of my wrist faced the ceiling. The side closest to my pinky had a red mark that followed the shape of the handcuffs from when I attempted to use my feeble Earth strength to break out of them. The same was true of my other hand.

Robin stroked his bare fingers over the marks. "I'm sorry," he muttered.

I tugged my wrist away. "It is not your fault. There is no need to apologize."

He let his hand drop. "I'm leader. It's always my fault."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Then it is your fault my room is in ruins?"

The way his expression darkened told me that somehow, he truly did believe that. "I mean when we're on a mission," he said instead of admitting that.

"Then I believe I will not allow you to accompany me any longer."

"Nice try. But we have a lot more work to do. More work with the grappling hook gun and some of the discs. It took me months before I was even allowed in the field with this thing on."

"I suppose that you are the only one who can teach me," I allowed with a small smile.

He looked relieved. "Good. I hope you don't have much planned for the next couple of weeks, because in light of certain events, it looks like you're going to be getting a lot of training in."

"Truly?" I asked softly, and when he nodded I pulled him in for a hug. That seemed to surprise him.

"Oh. Um, I didn't think that would make you so happy," he admitted, patting my back awkwardly.

"I was expecting you to do something silly, like lock me in the bunker or send me back to Tamaran because it is safer." Although truly, Tamaran would be much more dangerous for me than Earth, but Robin did not know that.

"Send you back to…? I would never do that. Not ever. Just… I know you hate it when I'm overprotective. Bear with me for a while, okay?"

"I believe I can do that." I paused, trying to decide whether or not I should approach the subject. "On Tamaran, we do not have this word. 'Overprotective'. It is a new concept to me."

"It means that when you care about somebody, you worry about their safety," Robin explained quickly.

"I know that. Part of the language transfer allows me to translate concepts that are not native to my culture. However, translating is not understanding. On Tamaran, when one person truly cares about another person, they understand that they have the strength to do what they believe they can do. It is disrespectful not to believe in someone else's strength." I lifted my eyes to his, apologetic. "I understand that it is not an insult to be overprotective, but it is difficult for me."

Robin sighed. "I'm sorry, Star. I'll try to… Dial it back. But I'm still going to worry about you."

"And I will worry about you," I answered solemnly, and he lowered an eyebrow at me.

"Okay, out, Robin," Raven commanded, and a portal in the wall opened up to reveal her figure appearing through it.

"Yeah," he said with a nod at me. "Okay. Feel better, Star."

Raven looked me over for a second, analyzing, before saying, "You scared me, Starfire."

I winced. Raven was not easily frightened. "I am sorry. I did not mean it."

She gestured for me to lay flat on my back and I obeyed. She strapped a Velcro cuff above my elbow and pumped an odd device, which tightened the cuff on my arm.

"Where were you when Crux broke in, anyway?" Raven asked as she watched the clock hanging on the wall.

"Oh. Um, I was in Robin's room."

Her eyes flicked from the clock to me before she refocused herself. "Robin's room?" she asked, attempting to keep her voice even.

"During our run-in with Red X, he managed to handcuff my arms behind my back," I admitted evasively. "I needed Robin's assistance in removing them and I suppose I fell asleep in his quarters."

She nodded, but her lips pursed and I believe she was trying very hard to keep from commenting on the matter. "I think you're alright. It was just a shock."

"I believe you are correct," I agreed, and I swung my legs over the side of the bed so I could stand. "I feel fine, aside from a slight headache."

"Why don't you go eat something? I mean something like toast, not like the things that you normally eat. Go easy on your stomach." Raven offered a hand to help me into a standing position, and although I did not think I needed it, I accepted regardless because I believe it made her feel better to assist me.

When I entered the operations room to search for a light breakfast, Cyborg was standing at the stove cooking enormous amounts of food. Bacon sizzled in one pan and eggs boiled in a pot on the opposite burner. The toaster was full of bread and the waffle iron was full.

"Cyborg?" I called from the entrance, alarmed.

He turned to me and smiled brightly. "Hey! You're okay! I mean, I knew you were gonna be, but it's nice to see you up."

"Yes, I am well," I assured him as I entered the kitchenette, looking curiously at all of his handiwork.

"Here." He reached for a plate and piled bacon onto it. "Eat somethin'. You must be starving."

"I am hungry, yes," I told him as I took the plate.

The toaster sounded its completion and Cyborg grabbed two slices and added them to my plate, then he reached into the fridge for butter. "There ya go," he said, and he nudged me toward the table.

"Thank you," I said, and I sat delicately. I watched him do the fussing over the stove and I cleared my throat to ask, "Cyborg? Are you the okay?"

He sighs wearily and he turns the knob on the stove with a quick flick of his wrist to quell the flame. Without saying anything else, he sits next to me at the table and he takes my hand between two of his. "Star, what that guy Crux is doin' to you… It ain't right."

I did not know what to say.

"You're one a' the best people I know. For someone to dismiss everythin' you do just because you look a little different or you talk a little different… It really gets me worked up."

"Thank you," I said softly. Cyborg personally identified with the problems I was experiencing, but it had not occurred to me to seek counsel from him or even to see how he felt about the ordeal.

He drew me into a hug. "Ya keep saying there's no way to undo what he did, but Star, we're gonna try. And we are gonna get him. I can promise you that."

"I do not doubt it," I whispered. And I did not. I just hoped we would find him soon.

"Matter of fact, Robin's in the lab right now to—"

"He what?" I asked, leaning away from Cyborg to look at him clearly. It should not have come as a surprise, but I did not want Robin cloistering himself in the lab on my behalf.

"Don't worry," Cyborg quickly assured me, and he got up to continue making food at the stove. "Eat breakfast. Hang out with BB, go to the mall with Raven. Just try to chill for today, princess. You been through a lot in the past few days and you earned it."

"Of course." I picked up a piece of bacon and bit into it delicately, smiling as I ate to reassure him.

I did not rush through my breakfast, because that would be impolite. But as soon as I finished I made my way to the lab. The door slid open under my touch, but Robin did not notice. There were no windows in this room, so it was dimly lit, but this is generally preferable as this room is usually lit by the several screens which adorn the walls, or, as currently, the light beneath a microscope for observing specimens.

Robin was hunched over a stool, adjusting the focus of the lens of one of several microscopes in the room. Most of the microscopes were on and they seemed to have been set already.

"Robin?" I called, and he did not seem to hear. I stepped into the room, allowing the door to close behind me, and I peered into one of the microscopes.

"You're up," he said after a few moments.

"Yes," I answered, tilting my head away from the lens and tucking my hair behind my ear. "I am perfectly well, Raven said. Merely a shock."

"Hm," he answered, narrowing his eyes.

"This is very interesting," I continued, leveling my eye with the lens and adjusting the focus to suit me.

"Yeah. More interesting than it should be." He rose from the stool in front of the microscope he was preoccupied with and approached me carefully. "What do you think?"

"I think…" I muttered, and I squinted and turned the knobs to create a sharper focus. "I think Crux has been experimenting with…" I let my voice trail off because it was unbelievable. I raised my eyes to Robin, who nodded for me to continue. "With the splicing of genes."

Robin's expression remained very serious.

Some minutes later, Cyborg joined us in hooking the microscopes up to a complicated touch-computer screen. This way, each of the specimens currently under observation could be inspected all at once and in a larger image.

The specimens under the microscopes held several different pieces of evidence. A part of a claw that had been broken off, a bit of blood perhaps collected from a shard of glass. I could not imagine how extensively Robin must have searched my room for these remote traces of Crux.

"I uploaded a scan of Crux's DNA," Cyborg explained, indicting the deformed triple-helix on the screen in front of us. The poor shape has been twisted and disfigured, visibly fractured in some parts. It was quite disturbing. "I'm running a program that's gonna try to separate the different species into their own strands of DNA so we can find out just who or what this guy is. It'll take it a while, though, by the looks of how messed up this is."

Experimentally, I reached out and touched the screen. Cyborg was still explaining the process to Robin, but I was largely uninterested in that.

Sometimes it occurs to me that there are some things I know that here are considered unfathomable. How to achieve faster-than-light travel in a craft. The names of every star in the zenith at any month on Tamaran and nearly all of them from Earth. These things are not quite common knowledge on Earth, but it is no more amazing that memorizing the periodic table of elements or lines from a book. It takes a fair amount of studying, but it is by all means doable and expected of Tamaranean scholars.

"Gordanian," I muttered as I drew a circle around a section of the fractured DNA and pulled it away from the spinning triple helix. "Aellon," I added, doing the same with a different section. I began getting excited, gesturing more frantically and using both hands to shear segments away from the main picture. "Unaltered Talyn DNA," I breathe. "Tsauron, Czarnian…"

I paused to notice both boys were openly staring at me, looking surprised. It occurred to me that I had done something odd. "And human," I added sheepishly, taking another section away so the human remnants would be easy to recognize.

"Wait, there's one more," Robin said as Cyborg tapped on his arm, I guessed to turn the computer off. "What's this last one?"

"That is Tamaranean," I answered gravely.

His mouth dropped open. It did not make much sense to me, either. Why would one as xenophobic as Crux infuse their DNA with that of aliens?

"He became what he hated to destroy what he hated," Cyborg muttered, looking physically ill.

"He's fighting fire with fire," Robin added.

Cyborg tapped on the screen with both hands.

"The Crux has taken DNA samples from races spread across the universe and he injected them into his own body." Furrowing my brows, I said, "I cannot fathom how, or the psychological reasons behind such behavior."

"Yeah, it's pretty messed up. No Martian, though? Kryptonian? Thanagarian?"

"I noticed a lack of these samples, as well. It does not appear that Crux has obtained DNA from the Justice League. Indeed, a Talyn with unaltered DNA has not existed for hundreds of years."

"Simon Amal," Cyborg said, his voice final in tone.

I tilted my head in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"That's who Crux used to be. Says here he used to live out in Ohio. His parents died when his house caught on fire."

A violent gasp escaped from my lips as a surge of unwanted memories played before my eyes. "Oh! He—he told me—when he attacked the day we were doing the apprehending of Kid Kold and the Ice Kate—a Tamaranean ship-crash landed on his property, resulting in the death of his parents." I must have forgotten after being mildly traumatized. "Oh, if I had remembered sooner then perhaps we may have begun searching before he entered our dwelling and—"

"Star," Robin interrupted, stern. "It's okay. Is there an address? Some place that we can find him?"

Cyborg's tapping began anew, feverish, and his expression was grave. "He bounced between foster homes. Apparently he was a problem kid, if you could believe that. Had a bad attitude and a thing for aliens. Sounds right. Nothing current, though. Never went to college as far as I can tell. No ID, no activity on the social security number. Nothing coming up on the facial recognition data." He dropped his arm and glanced at Robin. "That's every camera from here to Gotham, and nothing."

"He wore many layers and a hood at our encounter," I offered sheepishly.

Acting upset was not wise, as Robin nodded at me once and said, "Thanks for your help, Star." A very polite dismissal.

"But—"

"Starfire," he said, his voice slightly pleading. "You helped a lot. It's fine."

"Very well," I said, but I let a sulk pull at my expression so he would know that I was unhappy with this.

…

"Terra's room?" I echoed, unsure.

"It's perfectly fine," Raven mumbled, fully aware as to why I was so reluctant to make that particular room my temporary quarters.

I only looked at her doubtfully.

"Well, you can't sleep in your room," she told me, exasperated. "Robin will have a fit if you sleep on the couch. Unless you want to sleep on the bottom bunk in Beast Boy's room." As I began contemplating, she rushed to add, "You don't want to sleep on the bottom bunk in Beast Boy's room."

"I do not wish to sleep in there, either," I sulked. Although at this point, Raven would win the argument simply because I was very tired. Fainting is not quite the same as being asleep, and upon waking up the feeling of being rested is absent.

Raven sighed. "I know it's really weird but it's not like anything's gonna happen. Terra's room is just the best option we have right now."

Had Raven not been tactful as usual, she simply would have pointed out that this room contains no windows. Terra's room was a last minute addition. We made up for it by painting the sky on her ceiling, but it left me feeling contained. The obvious upside that my friends were thinking of was that with no windows, there would be no way for an intruder to do the sneaking up on me.

"Very well," I muttered. "I do hope this is a temporary arrangement," I grumble, and I rested my hand on the scanner and the door opened obediently.

The inside of the room was lovely. A desert landscape with a sky colored purple, blue, and black, dotted with stars in the shapes of constellations. It was all Beast Boy's idea, which I am sure now made Raven uncomfortable.

She had been kind enough to stock the dresser with what clothes survived, and Silkie's bed that he did not use because he preferred sleeping at the foot of my bed was in the corner. Suddenly, I felt guilty for complaining.

"Thank you, friend," I said, although my voice sounded more defeated than grateful. I pulled a smile onto my face, but I fear it was not very convincing.

"It's only temporary," Raven assured me instead of welcoming my thanks, and I was grateful for that. It was a fake thank you, and for her to acknowledge it would have made me feel bad. "We'll get your room fixed."

"It is not the room," I moaned, flopping onto the bed.

"What is it, then?" Raven asked, leaning on the doorframe. She did not enter, but I could tell she was genuinely curious. It must be truly frustrating to read emotions but not minds; knowing everyone's feelings but not knowing why they feel a certain way or even how to make them feel better. We do not always give Raven enough credit.

"Crux would have killed me if I had not fallen asleep in Robin's room," I answered wearily.

She does not answer and I can tell I have confused her.

"If I had my powers, I would not be the one who had need to worry about their safety."

"Oh," she said.

Most likely, Raven did not know what to say, but in my sulking I convinced myself that she was tired of hearing about my powers or lack thereof. "I wish I did not feel like a different person. I was happy with the way I was," I sighed, and the fact that my words carried a wistful tone rather than upset or depressed is something to remark, I noted dully.

"I get that you're feeling like you changed, Starfire, and that you're a different person who isn't worth as much as you were. But that's not how we feel." She did not add anything after that, just a short silence so that I could think over her words, followed by a friendly, "Pleasant shlorvaks."

Pleasant shlorvaks, indeed.

**No teaser, sorry, I'm catching up on my buffer. **


	13. Interrogate

**Chapter 13 - Interrogate**

Claws. I could hear them unsheathe, sliding out and glinting in the starlight. The creature was horrible, scaly skin and red eyes and jagged, uneven teeth.

One claw traced up my jaw, the point leaving a wet, sticky trail of my own blood. "Koriand'r," it said, its teeth bared and its lips curled in what it meant to be a smile. "Princess of the Troqs." It swung a leg over me, straddling my stomach and pinning me to the mattress.

My body woke up. I struggled, my human strength no match. I was trapped. "No... please..."

"That's right, princess. Beg for your life. Let me hear you."

I bit my tongue to keep from whimpering and the sharp, metallic taste of blood filled my mouth.

The points of claws rested on my chest just beneath my collarbone. "Tamaraneans have hearts on the left, right? Maybe I should tear out both sides just to make sure. Maybe you don't even have a heart." One clawed hand tilted my jaw back and forth, observing my face. "But then, maybe I should play with my food before I eat it." The creature leaned in close, licking its lips with a forked tongue. Its breath fanned my face, smelling stale and rotted.

I gasped, shooting into a sitting position in Terra's bed. I was panting, unable to do anything else as the paralytic grip of panicky fear held tight over my chest as my nightmare ebbed away to the darker corners of my mind. The sheets were twisted around my limbs and I glanced down at my wrist, which had become tightly tangled. I pulled at the sheets in vain an, frustrated, blew my hair out of my face as I turned my gaze up to see if Silkie still occupied my dwelling.

A dark figure startled me so badly that I jumped and fell off the bed.

"Sorry, Star, sorry," Robin muttered, crouching next to me. He was simply a figure in the darkness of Terra's windowless room, lit only by the weakly glowing stars stuck to the ceiling, but I knew him well enough to recognize him regardless.

"X'hal, Robin, you frightened me," I said breathlessly, holding the hand not tangled in her sheets up to my forehead. I was so frightened that all the blood had rushed to her stomach and now I felt faint.

"I heard you having a nightmare and I thought I'd check on you," he explained, embarrassment coloring his voice. Seeing me struggle pathetically to escape the sheets in which I had trapped myself, he reached for my hand awkwardly and helped untangle the linens from around me.

"Robin," I said, keeping my voice as gentle as possible, "why are you not in your own quarters?"

"I don't sleep much," he muttered, leaning back in a crouch. "You know that."

I do not comment, but I let my skeptical silence hang heavily between us.

"Your room was attacked last night. An effigy of you was torn to shreds in a very clear death threat," he snapped defensively. "You can't blame me for being overprotective."

I am so weary of this. Not Robin's behavior—that is perfectly reasonable, I suppose. I am weary of the circumstances. Surely there must be something I can do to take back control of myself. "I understand your concern, but I do not wish to be guarded."

"I wasn't _guarding_ you," he stammered, but I believe his argument was so weak because he knew that he was.

"If you are worried over my safety, I would much prefer more rigorous training exercises in the daylight." It vaguely occurred to me that I was being rude, but Robin was used to hearing my thoughts as they occurred to me with little regard for that. The fact that I had just woken up and my mind was still hazy with sleep, in spite of the kick of adrenaline upon waking, made it quite difficult to care in that moment.

"Absolutely," Robin agreed fervently, and he wrapped gloved fingers around my wrist before straightening into a standing position, pulling me up with him. "We'll double training time, split between me and Cyborg. We'll switch up patrol blocks, too. Giving you a more erratic schedule will make it harder to guess where you'll be and when you'll be there."

"Yes," I murmured, and I sat on the edge of Terra's bed. It had taken me quite a long time to fall asleep, and I seemed to be overtired now as a result. I was prepared to roll onto my side in pursuit of sleep, but Robin's fingers remained wrapped around my wrist.

"There's something else," he told me, and I tilted my head at him.

In the dim mock-starlight that shone from above us, his face was shadowed and very severe. Robin usually wore a serious expression, but there was something in his body language that gave me pause.

"Last night—last night you almost—if you'd been in your own room you probably—" I could tell what he was trying to say, but he seemed to need to start up several times, like the T-car after Gizmo had stolen it.

"Robin?" I interrupted, concerned.

"You could have died, Star," he forced himself to say, and his grip around my wrist became uncomfortably tight, almost painful, but I did not wince or complain because I felt that he was simply reminding himself that I was still there. "And if you had I would've—I mean, since we got back, I've been acting like—"

"Robin," I said gently, "I do not know what you are saying."

"I know, sorry." He dropped my wrist and pushed a hand violently through his hair. "Look, Starfire, I don't want to lose you," he said, his voice straining with emotion.

"I am not going anywhere," I said softly. I understood that he was not speaking about physically losing me, but I hoped he would realize I meant that statement to have sentimental value as well as being literal.

"I know," he answered, and he dropped his head and scratched at his neck. "Star, there's been a lot of distance between us in the last week or so."

"Things have been difficult for me," I reminded him defensively. I knew that he was not blaming me, but I felt the need to make it clear that it was not my fault; although, truthfully, I could have been more patient where he was involved, perhaps less tight-up.

"I know. I'm not blaming you," he assured me quickly. "Actually, if it's anybody's fault, it's mine," he added in a mumble.

"Oh, Robin," I rushed to say, "you must not blame yourself. The blame is not yours, either. Since the Crux has entered my life, it has not been the—"

"I know, but it's more than that." His brow was so deeply furrowing that his mask at the bridge of his nose had folded in on itself, and the white points which covered his eyes almost touched. "It's me. I think I made a mistake, Starfire."

Something about the fervent tone of his voice, the rigidness of his posture, was making me nervous. "A mistake?" I echo dully.

"Yeah," he said, and he did not offer more.

"In what way?" I urge, growing anxious.

"Ah—" he stammered. "Ah—about, um… about you being my—Ah, remember that thing with the bountiful floral arrangements? And, um…"

"Floral arrangements?" I repeat, recognizing the phrase. My stomach twists in a way that is not necessarily unpleasant. "Do you mean that you have made a mistake in the way you regard our relationship?"

"Yeah," he muttered, looking pointedly down and to the side. "I think I have."

Emotions whirled around inside me so fiercely that everything spun; the room slanted, my vision blurred. The past week and a half had indeed been confusing. The problems I had been faced with were such that I never imagined I would need to deal with. Having this conversation with Robin—it felt _normal_. Familiar. It made me feel as though I was not dodging death threats and identity crises at every turn.

But it also made me feel like I was sinking. Robin, true to form, had truly awful timing. "You do realize that now is quite an inopportune time to come to this realization?" I meant to keep my voice gentle, but I possibly over emphasized this as to my own ears i sounded sad.

"I know, Star, and I'm sorry. But I can't stop thinking about—about your room. The claw marks, the puppet, everything. All that, it made me realize that it's stupid to go on as though you don't mean as much to me as you do. What we do isn't exactly safe. There's always a chance that something could happen to either one of us. I think that before something does, I'd like to—to—to spend as much time with you as I can."

The end of his speech was somewhat of a disappointment, but Robin had never been very good with expressing himself and as it was, this had been very revealing for him. I sprang to my feet and threw my arms around his neck happily. "I would like that," I told him, resting my chin on his shoulder. I tense nervously and step back. "However, under the current circumstances, I do not think it would be wise to—"

"Hey," he interrupted softly, and he touched my cheek. "I didn't mean that things have to change right now. You're going through hell, Star. I know it's not the right time. But I'm here for you if you need me. We'll get through this, okay?"

I nod and unwind my arms from him. "Thank you," I breathe, still slightly dizzy. "Thank you, Robin." I sat back on my bed, suddenly hyper aware that I was in pajamas and the door was closed and it was dark and we were alone. "You should sleep," I mentioned, attempting to seem airy and delicately tired, if there was such a thing.

"Yeah, I guess. You okay?"

A wide smile, most likely too wide but I did not mind that, pulled at my lips. "I do not think I shall be visited by the mares of nights again tonight."

"Okay. You know you can come find me if you have any more?"

"Of course."

"Good." He backed up slowly, not seeming to want to take his gaze away from my face. "Kay. Good night."

My smile widened, and I could not help a faint giggle from coloring my voice. "Good night, Robin."

"See you in the morning."

"Yes."

The door slid open and he passed through it. His footsteps were so light that they could not be heard from where I remained.

Mares of nights did not plague me for the rest of the night.

My morning began early. Although I did not truly enjoy a full night's rest, what with being woken from a dream and taking a considerable amount of time after that to quell the excitement which bubbled in my chest so I could fall back asleep after that, I woke feeling rested and refreshed.

Cyborg was not yet ready for the breaking of his fast—or perhaps he had done so already and had cleaned up and vacated the area by the time I was ready to use it—and I began preparing one of the omelets for myself. Cyborg had shown me how to make them once, after discovering that my favorite foods tended to be those which were easily embellished. An omelet consisted of eggs and whatever else one desired to put in. Somehow, the ingredients I chose always elicited an odd look from whoever else was in the kitchen with me, but I did not understand how the addition of sprinkles was odd while the addition of carrots was not. They were similar in size, if the carrots were shredded, and texture.

By the time I was finished, my omelet was golden brown on one side and delightfully spongy on the other, oozing cheese and sprinkles and nuts and an assortment of other things I had added.

Raven entered the kitchen, levitating, and she did not even glance at my omelet. None of my friends, except, on occasion, Beast Boy, ever remark about my eating habits, but Raven is the only one who never seems surprised. Even Robin is thrown more regularly by my dietary choices than Raven.

With her powers, she placed a tea cup on the counter and I reached for a wicket basket filled with several flavors of herbal tea, as well as different kinds of black tea, and held it out for her. Wordlessly, she nodded her thanks at me and reached for a flavor, and I slide the basket back into its place. I slid into place at the booth around our table and Raven sat next to me after her tea was prepared.

"Okay," she said, looking slightly frazzled and placing her mug on the table with a clatter. "What's up?"

I tilted my head at her. "I do not know to what you are referring. Unless there is actually something…?" I allowed my voice to taper off as I glanced upward, but the ceiling, as always, was bare.

"Why are you so damn happy?" she clarified. Despite her rare use of a swear word, her voice was not harsh. The word was used to emphasize curiosity, not anger or frustration.

"Apologies," I said quickly. Too much emotion in the morning left Raven irritable, and I usually contained myself well. Truthfully, I had not realized that I was so noticeably happy.

"You're practically humming. Good dream?" Raven asked, although her tone was doubtful. She knew that I had been plagued by nightmares since my first encounter with Crux and I could only imagine that she was expecting them to get worse since last night.

"It was nothing, truthfully." I was not lying. What would I tell Raven, that Robin had turned up in my room in the middle of the night to tell me that he wished to pursue a relationship with me at some point, when I was ready? Indeed, it only seemed a natural progression, after what had happened in the dojo room and after he accidentally kissed me, if such things could be considered an accident. It seemed the sort of thing that would lose value if I spoke about it, so I did not wish to.

"Okay. Whatever," Raven said with a shrug. She was not offended, I could tell. Her shrug was light, the body language of someone who was willing to forget someone rather than someone who was forcibly dropping a subject.

After I finished my egg concoction and as I was in the process of putting my plate in the dishwasher, Beast Boy entered the kitchen.

"Hey, Star," he said, yawning. "How ya feeling?"

"I am well, Beast Boy, thank you for inquiring!" I chirped.

He smiled broadly, rubbing sleep from his eyes. It occurred to me that this is the first morning that I have been truly happy since my first encounter with Crux. It is not simply Robin's visit last night having this effect on me, although that did help. Going out on patrol, albeit under Robin's watchful gaze as I practiced with my new belt, certainly lifted my spirits. Not even Crux's insistence on aggression and doom could take away from the sense of purpose I had once again.

"That's really great," he said, as though he were congratulating me on being in a good mood. "Robin's in the garage," he reported, suddenly more businesslike. "Wants to see if you want to run an errand with him."

"Oh?" I asked, attempting to be the cool but my heart performed aerial loops in my chest. "What sort of errand?"

"Don't know," Beast Boy said with a shrug, which only intensified my curiosity.

"Very well." I closed the dishwasher by lifting the door with my foot, then pushing it closed with my hip, a move I copied from Beast Boy. "I suppose I will do the seeing of you later, then."

"Yep," Beast Boy said, and he took Raven's cup from where she had left it on the table and took a sip. Raven scowled at him for drinking her tea, but I know without any doubt that she appreciated the gesture—I, for one, did not think Beat Boy liked herbal tea. The only reason he was drinking it was because she liked it. That made me smile, and I had to duck out of the room as Raven shot me a dark glare, embarrassed by my amusement.

In the garage, Robin was waiting for me.

"How long have you been down here?" I asked conversationally.

He shrugged. "An hour? I had to change the oil on the R-cycle."

"Oh." I did not know what he was talking about, really. My knowledge of technology is usually quite advanced, but not when it came to Earth vehicles. Tamaranean vehicles ran on solar energy, so there was no need for gasoline or oil or loud engines.

"What errands have need of doing?" I asked, and taking that as a sign of my agreeing to accompany him, Robin pulled his helmet over his hand and swung a leg over the R-cycle.

"I was thinking some training, actually." The helmet straightened on his head, he dropped his arms and leaned back on the motorcycle. "But first we need to stop by Jump City's juvenile detention center."

"Oh? Why?"

"Red X. I never got the chance to follow up on him, after what happened here."

I nodded and approached him, but he held out his hand, palm out, to stop me. "Wait. See that helmet on the work table there?"

I turned toward the table, and indeed there was a helmet with a visor like Robin's, only in purple, and the actual helmet was gray, matching the panels on my uniform. "Oh," I breathed, picking it up and turning it in my hands. "Is this—?"

"Yours," Robin finished. "I figured, you know, you're gonna need one if you can't fly." Hastily, he added, "Unless you don't want to go with me. You could just go in the T-car."

I did rather dislike the R-cycle, but its use would be necessary in the upcoming days and, although the rest of my friends had not yet admitted this, years. The helmet fit me well, even with my thick hair spilling out the back. I mounted the R-cycle behind Robin, winding my arms around his chest beneath his arms. He revved the engine before opening the wall with a button on the handlebar and accelerating.

The stale wind familiar to this part of Earth blew warm air at us, but we were moving so quickly that the heat was not bothersome.

I had been to the juvenile detention center before. We often left delinquents here; Control Freak, Punk Rocket, any of the HIVE members. Robin requested for Red X to be brought to a room of investigation, in order for him to get some information. Guilt pricked at me beneath my skin; had I not gotten caught in Red X's trick handcuffs, Robin could have taken of this sort of business before he was taken into custody.

Red X was still in his uniform, the black jumpsuit with the asymmetrical X on the chest, the gloves, the mask. All that was missing was the belt. The room was gray and unappealing, with harsh fluorescent rectangles of light on the ceiling shining down, bright and cold, on the rest of the room, creating dark shadows in corners. It was eerie.

Directly beneath the lights was a table, set up with two plastic chairs on one side, one for me and one for Robin, and another on the other side, in which Red X was seated. His hands were cuffed in front of him and the chain was attached to table. Upon a curious but small kick of the leg of the table, I found that it was secured to the floor.

"What's up, Bird Boy? And Bird Girl, I assume?" he asked, ratting the chain of his handcuffs with a shrug in my direction. "You got out of my trick handcuffs," he observed when we did not answer him. "Nothing personal, cutie. No hard feelings?"

He extended his arm in my direction as far as the handcuffs would allow him, a mock-handshake. Robin pounced, wrapping his arm around Red X's wrist and slamming onto the metal table.

"You're talking to me," he said, narrowing his masked eyes at the thief. I furrowed my eyebrows disapprovingly but did not interrupt. Robin's demeanor is often more severe when dealing with criminals, especially Red X.

"Well that's a disappointment," Red X said mildly.

Robin released Red X's wrist, and the thief sat back in his chair, lifting the two legs into the air as he sat back comfortably.

"Who's your dealer?" Robin inquired, a question which surprised me.

"What?" Red X asked, a laugh behind his voice. "Dealer?"

"Xynothium," Robin clarified, his voice slow and deliberate but impatient.

Red X scoffed. "I don't use a dealer, kid. If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. I'm sure you know all about that."

Robin ignored the implications. "Professor Chang? A middleman out of state?"

"I don't use a dealer." This time Red 's tone was serious, as though the idea that he used a dealer was insulting. "I steal it at the source."

Xynothium is not a stable element. It does not occur on Earth naturally. It must be manufactured. I did not believe that Jump City was capable of such things, although I suppose one of the numerous factories in that district downtown could be doing it under the guise of something else.

"There's no source in Jump," Robin insisted furiously. "Where are you going for it?"

Red X barked out a laugh, full of contempt and malicious glee. "Wayne Enterprises makes it, Bird Brain. It's too dangerous for Gotham so I guess he ships it across the country. Who cares if something's dangerous if it's thousands of miles away?"

For some reason, this made Robin so angry that he slammed his fist down on the table and jerked Red X forward by the chain attached to the table.

"Robin," I said, my voice soft.

He ignored me. "I know that's where you were getting your Xynothium, asshole. I had him move his Xynothium operations back to the east coast. A little town called Bludhaven."

Red X did not laugh. His eyes widened behind the mask. "How the hell did you get Wayne to move an entire operation off your turf?"

Robin released the chain and Red X leaned back in his chair. "I'm very persuasive."

"That's where I was getting the Xynothium," Red X muttered. "I guess my next stop would've been Chang or those vaults."

"The ore's gone from the vaults," Robin snaps. "You don't know where more is?"

"You're looking for it?" Red X's tone was interested, and although I could not see his face it was easy to imagine a smirk beneath the mask.

"I'm trying to stop it from getting into the wrong hands," Robin growled. He gestured to me to stand up as he reached for the door. "Your hands," he added over his shoulder.

"Or yours," Red X responded levelly.

Robin ushered me out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

"Robin?" I ask softly. He is so tense, in the line of his shoulders, his balled fists, the clenched muscle in his jaw. "What was that abou—"

"Nothing," he said before I could finish. His tone was not cheerful but it was as though he had shone a lamp on his psyche, chasing the shadows away from his mood. "Sorry we had to stop here. I know interrogations make you nervous."

It is not the interrogations themselves, rather, it is Robin's volatile attitude that made me nervous. But I did not correct him.

"Wanna go check out that old Xynothium warehouse? It's pretty cool looking on the inside. I just wanna do a sweep, then we can probably use it for practice."

"You have seen the inside before?"

Robin hesitated as we exited the building, the sun shining on us in the deliciously warm way that mid-morning sun does. "Wayne Enterprises… It's run out of Gotham. It's not like I didn't know that they hold the monopoly on Xynothium. Wayne Enterprises moved the factory to Jump because I'm here. Because they trusted me to oversee it. That turned out to be a mistake, though, and I told them to move it away."

"You must not blame yourself for what you did in the past," I told him, as I always tell him when he dwells on Red X. "You must learn from it and look ahead."

He squeezed my hand, then slid my helmet on over my hair. "C'mon. Let's go investigate the factory."

**Have I mentioned that it's my headcanon that Bruce Wayne would take hold of all non-counterfeit Xynothium production and use it for scientific purposes? Because it is. There are probably continuity error problems with that if you think about it too hard but my advice is don't think about it too hard.**


	14. Split

**Chapter 14 - Split**

"Robin," I sighed.

The xynothium warehouse was very large. On the outside, the building looked like any other such building—the bricks were bleached by the sun and stained by rain, the windows were dirty and some had splintering cracks that reminded me of the nests of the jik'tar bug, native to the trees of Tamaran's heaviest forests. The warehouse looks so ordinary, it is no wonder the warehouse escaped our notice—or, more correctly, escaped the notice of all of us except Robin, who knew about it from the beginning. I am sure that will be an issue when we inform our friends of our business today.

The inside of the warehouse, however, was quite clean, except for the thin layer of dust that covered most surfaces due to months of disuse. There was a row of computers against the wall of the room we were in currently, and a half-wall that rose to my hip fixed to a clear wall, like a huge window, separating this room from several machines while allowing one to view everything the machines were doing. Xynothium is a naturally occurring element but it may be manufactured, as well, and it must be refined before use, which was the purpose of the machines.

"Robin," I said again, concentrating on making my voice less like a tired sigh and more like a soothing call. "Perhaps we can now think of the search for xynothium as a fruitless endeavor?"

"Hang on, Star," he answered without turning to look at me. He ran his gloved fingers over the monitor of a computer, leaving a black streak among the gray dust. He blew the dust off his fingers and rubbed them together to clean them. "There's gotta be some here."

"What makes you say that?" It is hard not to allow exasperation to color my voice. We have been here for two hours and the search for xynothium has turned up nothing. This is our third sweep of each room in the two-story building. "Even Cyborg's scanner program turned nothing," I point out, brandishing my communicator at him. Robin asked Cyborg to send the scanning program he created the first time Red X became bothersome that we did not use as Robin somehow did the wheedling of information out of Professor Chang to both our communicators. Our search turned up nothing.

"Programs aren't infallible," he reminded me. He had already said that when we began looking for the xynothium the second time without help from the scanner in our communicators.

Honestly, I do not see why Robin is so fixated on finding any possible xynothium that might still be here. Obviously Robin would like to put an end to Red X, and certainly cutting him off from his supply of xynothium would be the fastest way to do that. However, if Red X was getting his xynothium here, I do not think it was from a cache of it hidden from plain sight. He did not seem to know that the warehouse had been shut down, so he did not have such time to prepare accordingly.

The best route now would be to fill the warehouse with the traps to ensnare Red X should he come looking for xynothium, or perhaps leave cameras around the warehouse to catch him coming back for it, if he does so. Even if Red X does succeed in snatching whatever xynothium is left here, that will be the end of what he can obtain locally.

I do not wish to stay here much longer. I understand that sometimes the jobs we must perform are less exciting, that tasks such as this and paperwork must be done, but I do not see the use of this. The scanner showed nothing and we found nothing, ourselves. It seems quite redundant.

Besides, I could be using this time to train.

I sound like Robin, and the thought makes the corner of my mouth twitch up fondly. I always thought that Robin's love of practice and training and exercise was excessive, but now I understand. Without powers, it is easy to feel as though you are at a disadvantage. It is quite an uncomfortable feeling. Training eases this feeling, because at least I am doing all I can to make level the playing field, as the phrase goes.

He was still scouring the room for any trace of xynothium. I should have been helping, but I elected to take a break. Robin, who was kneeling on the ground to inspect something I could not see, stood quickly, clapping his dusty gloves together. "Nothing here."

I sighed. Of course there was nothing there. There was nothing in the entire building.

Robin looked at me, for the first time in several minutes, and his expression softened into what could have been a guilty frown. "I know," he said, running his fingers through his hair. "I just want to be absolutely sure, okay?"

"I understand," I tell him. "It is only that I wished to do some of the training today, and I was hoping to go to the mall with Raven tonight."

"It's still early in the day. There should be enough time." His voice held a tone of apology, which made me feel slightly guilty.

"Yes, you are correct. I simply do not wish to waste time here when i could be practicing."

"It's not wasting time." His voice was pleading, somehow, and that startled me. "We need to find the xynothium."

"Robin, it is the okay," I soothed, growing even more alarmed. I did not foresee him becoming so upset. "I understand."

"No, you don't," he said, and he took me by the wrist and squeezed lightly, a gesture meant to convey how sincere he was being. "I'm doing this for—"

His communicator beeped, a sequence of tones I was not familiar with, and he stopped speaking. Although I could not see his eyes, the shape of his mask over them seemed desperate, pleading, and very determined. But the expression was like the quicksilver, fading as he reached into his belt for his communicator, and he flipped it open.

I did not know what to make of any of that. Robin was confusing me.

"I have to run an errand," he said, his voice markedly more controlled now. "I can drop you back at the tower first."

What could possibly be so important that he would leave now, when I have been tactfully asking him to give up for more than hour?

"Very well," I said, and hopefully my confusion was as evident in my tone as I meant for it to be. Robin did not offer to explain, however, and I found myself slipping my helmet over my hair and settling onto the back of his bike.

Robin did not seem to be in a hurry to go, which struck me as odd because generally, he enjoyed driving more swiftly than I was quite comfortable with. Perhaps he was trying to change my opinion of the vehicle. Or maybe he wished to spend as much time alone with me as possible. The thought made my mouth curl into a grin and my arms tightened around him, just a little.

He did speed up when we got to the tunnel, however, although I suspect that is because it is boring to drive in the flat expanse of land that stretches beneath the bay.

The doors to the garage opened, flooding the tunnel with bright light that shone from fluorescent rectangular light fixtures in the ceiling. Robin stopped the cycle on a turn, and the engine purred with the rumbling contentedness of a kitten waiting to pounce.

I slid off the vehicle as gracefully as I could, feeling suddenly self-conscious. "Thank you," I said to Robin. He made no move to turn back into the tunnel and I felt that I should say something.

"Star," he said, a certain urgency in his voice. "Just… be careful today, okay?"

That surprised me, and I felt my eyes widen and my mouth fall open slightly. I had not expected him to say that. I do not know what exactly I thought he might say, but somehow his words filled me with disappointment. "Be careful?" I echoed.

"Yeah. At the mall."

I felt heat rise to my face. "It is only the mall, Robin," I told him, and I stepped back and yanked the helmet he'd given me away from my head.

"I know, Starfire. But with everything that's going on… If I had my choice…" His voice wavered and he paused. "I wouldn't let you out of my sight."

Robin meant well. I knew that. He was being overprotective, which is an Earthly term of affection. I knew that, too. And some part of me was glad that he is so concerned for my health in the wake of circumstances that clearly called for concern about my health. But surely he was aware that this sentiment he has expressed is a bit extreme?

He might have been aware of just that, because he would not say another word and before I could answer, he revved the engine violently and tucked his head in determinedly and he was gone.

I muttered under my breath in angry Tamaranean.

"Starfire?"

I turned sharply. Although it was only Raven, I was not pleased that someone had overheard our private moment. It occurred to me that I never valued privacy much before until I began harboring secrets. Secrets from Tamaran, secret feelings that most likely were not so secret.

I was not pleased, but I was also not angry with Raven. It is hardly her fault for being here at the time Robin and I were having a confusion exchange. "Are all Earth boys generally this infuriating?" I sighed, making an attempt at a joke so that Raven, who surely sensed my annoyance, would know that I was not angry with her.

"I think it's all boys, period," she consoled me. "He does mean well."

"That is what makes it worse." I am gripping the purple helmet so tightly that had I had my full strength, I would surely have dented it. "What would be helpful is more training, yet he continues to attempt to shelter me. I have never asked to be sheltered."

"More training," Raven repeats. "You sound like Robin."

"It is different," I protest, and I walk past her to hang the helmet on a peg on the wall, beside the space reserved for Robin's helmet. "Robin wishes to push himself beyond what is likely attainable. I simply wish to be prepared."

"Are you worried about Crux?" Raven asked gently.

I had a desire to answer both in the affirmative and the negative. "I do not know. Of course I am worried. Crux has clearly made his intentions clear. He will find me. He will hurt me. He will kill me. Anyone in my position would be unwise to ignore the worry of friends or their own worry. But I do not have an overwhelming sense of worry, which some people might find a suitable reaction in my situation. If my concerns stop me from going on as normal—" Raven makes a face at that. "—as normal as possible, that is—then Crux has found victory in a way he never intended."

Raven regarded me with a concerned expression. I feel somewhat drained, now. I was hoping to begin feeling normal again, but I suppose today was a step in that direction.

"Robin doesn't mean that you should stay locked in the Tower, you know," she said after a few moments of silence. "He means that he wants to be with you. He is trying, in his own stupid way."

I sighed. "I realize that. I simply wish that he could be capable of expressing his affection for me without making me feel like he only sees me as something that must be protected."

"Just give him time, Starfire," Raven advised. I could tell she was growing uncomfortable, and I did not have much more to say about the matter, so I tucked my hair behind my ear; a habit I had picked up on Earth, and one I feared was my closest approximation of a nervous tic.

"I will join you at the clock of seven for our journey to the mall?" I asked, mostly to segue to my departure. I was perfectly aware of the time we had agreed upon.

Raven assured me that I was correct and I returned to my quarters.

My foldable computer—laptop, Cyborg had explained, because one rested it atop their lap during use—was flashing.

I noticed it the moment my door slid open enough to reveal my computer. It looked happy, flashing that way. A colorless burst of light coming out of a tiny bulb affixed to the side that Cyborg had added specially for me. It looked like it was winking, brimming with excitement. _A message!_ it seemed to be saying. _Glad tidings from Galfore, or perhaps Marras—_

Clenching my jaw shut, I stepped into my room. The door slid closed and I leaned on it, as far away from my computer as I could get while remaining in the room. I covered my eyes with my fingers, the gloves covering my palms unfamiliar against my face.

If Galfore could see me now, in my Earth clothes which cover me so thoroughly and are not even made of armor—if he could see the way my skin seems to have paled, either from stress or from the lack of solar energy in my body—if he could see his Transsubstantiate bumgorf…

I do not know what he would say.

Shame welled in my throat, sharp and sour and choking. I had done nothing wrong. I had broken no Tamaranean law, let alone the serious ones that result in Transsubstantiation. Perhaps Galfore would see that. But the fact remains that the process cannot be reversed makes me no better than any legal Transsubstantiate. Of course, morally, I am much worthier, but that would hardly matter to the majority of the populous.

It would matter to Galfore. I knew it would. But that was only half the problem. Galfore would be burdened with the knowledge of my current state, and what would he do then? He would have to inform the planet of my condition and that would cause an infinite number of problems.

After some minutes, I gathered myself enough to face my foldable computer. I could not sit in the chair just in front of it. I was far too jittery for that.

His message was a written one, which soothed me somewhat because that must mean that he was too busy for a video call. I did not need to lie to him, which I did not feel the 'up to' at the moment.

He was simply inquiring about my health, about the Titans, about Jump. The letter was ordinary in every way, and I began to feel silly for having been so anxious. But then my eyes jumped to the end of the letter and I notice that the letter is not so ordinary.

Galfore was reminding me that I had not yet answered Marras's previous letter.

X'hal. That could have been much worse. I did not have the strength to fabricate a lie to Galfore, but I also did not have the strength to tell him the truth. I replied to him saying that I was considering Marras's kind but unnecessary offer of a marriage of convenience, but that my duties with the Titans were keeping me more than occupied lately. That was not a lie.

My computer alerted me that the message was sending and I nearly sank to the floor with relief. I would need to begin thinking about when and how I would inform Galfore of my situation, but I would do it later. Perhaps after the bloodthirsty self-mutated xenophobe has been incarcerated.

I did not wish to stay in my room any longer, so I wandered into a training room. Throwing the discs were quite a bit easier than Robin's birdarangs, which were strangely shaped and weighted differently than a normal disc.

My accuracy is quite good. It has always needed to be with my starbolts, and once I learned how to throw my new projectiles, I was quickly able to perfect my technique and I can hit a target nearly every time I throw one. However, I am not that good at utilizing the different abilities of my discs. Like Robin, I have several that have freezing abilities, shocking abilities, some that explode, some that stick an opponent in one spot with viscous goo.

Many of them are set by a timer so that they do not go off accidentally in the thrower's hand. Some of them have a detonator which must be pressed.

I practiced on my own for a few minutes. Possibly many minutes. Possibly an hour. There was no clock in the training room. Robin believed that training should not be constricted into a time period. _The only clock you should be using_, Robin had said in reply to Beast Boy's protests, _is your body. _He expected us to train until we were tired or until we had improved.

I had never thought much about it. It was a habit of mine to train in pairs. A habit I had not been keeping lately, as I found that training allowed me to explore my own mind. Of course, I still asked my friends for help when I needed it and accompanied them when they asked, but it was different. I could not keep myself from closing into myself when the cool metal disc touched my fingertips or when I swung from the uneven bars with my human-grade strength or lashed out at a hanging dummy.

I do not know how long I practiced the repetitive motions: flick the wrist out _now_, follow through with the rest of the body, do not take the eyes off the target. I only know that I was interrupted before I was tired, or before I had improved, or before I was _satisfied_.

"Here you are," he said as he entered the room.

My disc hit the target on the wall, a satisfying _thump_ marking the space between Robin's words and my answer.

"Nice shot," he complimented me. "You're getting the hang of… well, everything, I guess."

There were more discs in my belt, but I walked over to the wall and began to yank on the one in the target. "It seems that way," I answered.

There was a silence between us, then. It was difficult to be certain whether the silence was uncomfortable or familiar, but I could tell that it was thick. So thick it seemed that I could not see him on the other side of it.

He crossed the room so that he was standing on the opposite side of the target from me and he reached for the disc, which had become firmly stuck. I raised my eyes to his mask and dropped my hand to allow him to attempt to dislodge it.

"There's something I need to tell you," he said between jerks of his arm as he tried in vain to free the disc.

"Is everything all right?" I asked immediately.

He glanced at me before returning his attention to the wall. "Yeah, nothing's wrong. It's just—" his voice trailed off as he pulled again and the disc stayed firmly sunk into the wall.

I took as much of the cool metal as I could in my hand and we pulled together. Our combined effort freed the stubborn disc, but it was too much force. We both stumbled back and the weapon clattered to the ground as we fell in a tangle of limbs and cape and hair.

It was ridiculous, and I wanted to laugh. Robin and I are responsible for the protection of an entire city, and we are quite capable, at that, and we have been defeated by a circlet of metal. But the expression on Robin's face, which was stormy and I believe he was gritting his teeth, quelled my laugh before it reached my throat.

"I'm going back to Gotham."

My eyes widened and my smile, which was in the process of fading before Robin spoke, fell into a surprised gape.

"You—excuse me?"

Generally, Robin does not enjoy going to Gotham. He does it on occasion, perhaps once a month, so it is not unheard of. He has never left with this little notice before. He has always taken care to tell all of us in a group at least a week prior so we would have time to prepare for his absence.

This sort of departure was unheard of and indeed alarming.

"I'm going to Gotham. It should be a short trip. I don't want to be gone for very long.:"

"And you are certain that everything is the okay?" I asked again. I could not imagine why he would go if it were not because of an emergency.

He nodded. "I just wanted to tell you first."

I studied him to discern whether or not he was being truthful, and I suddenly noticed our proximity. My fingers burned with the desire to pull his mask away from his face, the way a female might do in the action movies that Beast Boy liked to watch. Something about the thought made my breath hitch and the air between us got hotter, somehow, and I tore my gaze away from him.

"You told me first? Before the others?" The air was even hotter and my hands were sweating beneath the fingerless gloves that were part of my uniform now.

"Yeah," he answered, and it seemed like whatever had come over me had affected him, too. His voice was groggy, as though he'd just woken up.

"Why?" The word slipped out. I knew why. I was simply overcome with an urge to hear him explain it.

"Why?" Robin echeod, and with that a blade of piercing coldness broke the hot air between us. He leaned back from me. "I guess… I don't know… I didn't want to upset you."

"Upset me?" I repeated, confused. "You believe that your absence will upset me?"

"I—don't know. I thought—I don't know what I thought. Forget it, okay?" He pushed off his knees to a standing position. I could have screamed, I was so frustrated. He extended his hand down to me, and I took it so he could gently pull me up.

"Look, I'm gonna have to… you know. Can you get Raven? See if Beast Boy's with her? That way I can tell everybody now."

"Of course," I said, and he let go of my hand and turned away from me so quickly that his cape flared out.

I had to remind myself to knock on Raven's door instead of simply walking in as usual. Now that she might have been with Beast Boy, there were some subtle things that had changed. They were not things that were difficult to remember or particularly annoying, but I have been focusing on my own, much bigger changes so intently that I found these new subtleties annoying and impossible to remember.

Raven's door became encased in a cold, black aura and slid open at my knock. Raven was lounging on her bed, a dusty tome in her hands.

"Starfire," she greeted me without looking up. She was able to sense me. "Hang on."

I did not enter her room as we would have to leave it immediately, but I waited with my hands folded behind my back as a bookmark, folded in raven's dark powers, floated toward her and nestled in between the pages of her book.

"What's up? Did you want to leave early?"

"No, it is only that Robin wishes to speak to us in the operations room."

"Woah," Raven said as she stood, and she drew her hood up. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." I took a deep, calming breath to soothe my emotions and give Raven some peace. "I apologize. It is only that I have just come from speaking with Robin and—"

"Save it," she interrupted, pulling her hood down and smirking at me. "I get it."

The meeting was quite superfluous for me, as I had just discussed with Robin the purpose of this meeting. He assured us that there was no emergency or problem and that he hoped to be back soon.

"So… when are you leaving, exactly?" Beast Boy asked. He was keeping his voice casual but I could tell that he was excited. Robin's absence meant that he could play his music in the operations room, among other things.

"A few hours," Robin replied.

Likely before Raven and I were to go to the mall of shopping. I wished to speak with him and perhaps do the hanging out before he left, but surely he would be busy with work of paper and informing the Titans network of his momentary leave.

Instead I spent the time between the meeting and Robin's departure giving Silkie a bath. My poor bumgorf. Since my Transsubstantiation, I have not been paying him as much attention as usual. A bath coupled with a walk around the island and his favorite treats should remind him that my affection for him runs deep as if he really were a true bumgorf to me.

When I finished with Silkie, I intended to read, but Beast Boy informed me that Robin was about to leave and I accompanied him, Raven, and Cyborg in the garage. Robin was mounted on the R-cycle with only what could fit in the undercarriage on the cycle packed with him.

He swept his gaze over the four of us, but I think he was looking at me when he said, "Bye guys. I won't be gone long."

Then the engine on the cycle roared furiously and he was gone.

It was strange—I was not happy to see him go, and in fact I already began to miss him a little—but I was filled with relief as the door to the underground tunnel closed after him. Truly, it was not so much a sense of relief as it was that a tight balloon of anxiety in my chest deflated, and I had not realized that it was there until it was gone.

Before I could make much sense of that, a lean arm had slung itself around my shoulder.

"So, Star, I hope you're ready for the mall trip of a lifetime," Beast Boy said. He changed into a monkey and slung around my shoulders on long monkey-arms until he was standing in front of me, then he crouched and changed to human form.

My stomach twisted. Frankly, I did not want Beast boy to accompany us. I love Beast Boy dearly, the way I have not loved someone since Ryand'r, my dear brother, but lately when he accompanied Raven and me it felt very much like I was intruding on a date. And it made me think of how it would be nice to have Robin there, to make things feel even… but that would be a date of doubles and I still was not quite ready for that.

"Okay, Star," he said in a conspiratorially low voice. "There's this store in the mall, dark and light pink stripes, and there's a polka-dotted pink and white dog. I need you to get Raven a—"

A thick bar of energy formed at his ankles and pushed itself back, taking Beast Boy's feet out from under him and sending him face first into the floor of the garage. My hand flew to my mouth, both to stifle a gasp and a giggle.

"Don't listen to him," Raven said, appearing at my side, and she pushed me toward the elevator. She pushed the call button with her powers so that by the time we reached the doors they were already open.

I saw Beast Boy, smiling at Raven in a way that made my heart ache as he sat on the floor, and Cyborg was nudging him into action with his knees, remarking on the stupidity of his actions.

"I know you love the 'mall of shopping'," she said, copying the phrase I use and spreading her fingers wide in a wondrous gesture—her best impersonation of me, I realized with a pleased smile— "but you've been kind of… down." It amused me to realize that 'down' in regard to my feelings was most likely a phrase she picked up from Beast Boy. "So I was thinking that maybe we could go to the boardwalk instead, if you wanted."

I did enjoy the boards of walking.

In half an hour, Raven and I touched down on the wooden planks, which smelled like sand and salt and wind and wood. In the distance the Ferris wheel and the other rides on the pier were lit up as the sun's descent below the horizon began to darken the sky. The waves on the water were tipped with froth, pink in the reflection of the rosy sunset.

We purchased the delicious pizza, thin-crusted and cheesy, at one of the establishments set on the planks. It felt a bit like I was betraying our usual pizza place downtown, but Raven assured me multiple times that the employees downtown would not do the holding of it against us.

Raven showed me a confection called 'the cake of funnel', which was fried pancake batter topped with confectioner's sugar. It tasted as beautiful as it looked, though Raven complained about grease. I did not care about that. I could eat this new confection forever. I liked it even better than the candied cotton, I think.

The rides on the pier were enticing, but I knew that Raven was not fond of them, so I elected to stay on the long stretch of planks and play the games with squirting water guns. We were not allowed to play against children, as the teenager running the game told us in a very flustered way that it would be cheating and unfair, but I did not mind.

It grew completely dark, the sounds of people screaming coming from the rides on the pier and the lights from the establishments on the boardwalk have blotted out the stars, so the sky looks eerily dark against the moon.

Raven and I had gone down to the beach. The guarders of lives had gone and no one was supposed to be swimming, but we walked along the edge of the water. It is a shame that my new uniform covered so much of my skin. I would have liked to feel the water. Fortunately, the uniform was water proof, so wading into the water up to my knees was not uncomfortable and it did not damage the suit.

"This was fun," I told her, grinning.

"I'm glad," she said. "I know you have a lot of internal stuff to go through, Starfire," she continued seriously. "But when you're ready to take a break from that, we're always here for you. I want you to know that."

Without thinking, I pulled Raven from the air by her wrist, causing her to cry out, and I crushed her against me in a grateful hug.

"Um…" she mumbled, tilting her head away from me. "Okay. Now I'm all wet."

"Thank you, Raven," I released her and she returned to floating above the water, looking displeased with the situation, like a wet cat. "That means very much to me."

She sighed, clearly annoyed, but her powers began eating at the waater that clung to her cloak and she smiled. "Any time, Star."

We were interrupted by an explosion The ground beneath my feet shook and I pinwheeled my arms for balance.

Thankfully, the explosion had come from beneath the pier several hundred yards to our right, as opposed to the pier to our left, which held the fun rides and which was populated with very many people.

Raven's communicator went off at the same time as mine, and I snatched mine off my belt. Cyborg's face flooded the circular screen. "Ladies, there's a lot of activity coming from Pier thirteen near you. Can you spare a minute to check it out?"

"Indeed," I answered. Cyborg looked very stressed. He probably thought it was his fault that Robin left and immediately trouble arose.

"Thanks. We'll be here, call if you even suspect you need backup."

"I promise to do so," I assured him.

"Star," he said hesitantly. "…You're okay, right?"

I did not know if he was asking if I was prepared with suitable knowledge of the nuances of my suit, or if he was asking because he was afraid that the explosion was somehow connected to Crux. But I smiled forcefully. "I am much more than okay, friend."

He sighed. "Okay. Call if you need backup," he reminded me firmly. "Cyborg out."

"Ready?" Raven asked, and she created a flat disc of dark energy for me to ride on to close the distance between us and the pier to our right, as it would be much faster than running across sand.

As lightly and gracefully as I could, I leaped onto the energy disc and took three of my own discs from my belt. "Indeed. Are you?"

She responded by bringing us both toward the pier.

**Okay… I really didn't know if California had boardwalks. I mean, I'm from New Jersey and pretty much where there's beach there's a boardwalk with shops where you can get sweatshirts with iron-on Jersey Shore quotes and funnel cakes and pizza and get tickets to go on rides. And I googled it and the internet told me there are boardwalks in California but I don't know if the boardwalks there are like the boardwalks here. And sometimes in fanfiction people call what I always assumed was the boardwalk that the Titans visited in season one episode two 'the carnival' and I don't know if that would be more accurate but eff it, I went with boardwalk because I really love boardwalks. I love them so much, guys. (This isn't even that big a deal but it was bothering me so much.)**

**Anyway, yes, I am back! Hello! Sorry about the break there, I lost my muse for this story but now it's back. I'm shooting for Friday postings again, even though it's obviously not Friday. Please be patient, though, if I have to move the date to Saturday. I'll try for Fridays but I can't promise.**


	15. Memory

**Chapter 15 - Memory**

The underside of the pier was damp everywhere. Water clung to the wood, the wet, salty smell pervading the air, the scent of wood even cutting into the aroma of fish. I found myself wishing for Aqualad's assistance, but he was on the other side of the country at the moment with Titans East.

It was dark beneath the boards of walking, the already faint light offered by the stars and moon blocked by the panels above. Repetitive whooshing noises from the waves of the ocean, which lapped at our ankles and made our footing unsure, made it nearly impossible to see with my limited human vision.

"I do not see anyone here," I whispered to Raven, confused. An explosion that large must have a source.

"Sh," Raven hissed. "I sense—"

Before she could finish her sentence, she lashed her arms out in my directions as though to strike me, but a band of black energy pushed me roughly to the side as viscous red gel splattered at us. Raven had knocked me out of the way of the spray and into one of the supporting beams of the pier. My fingers scraped the filthy edge of beam, muck and buildup from the ocean waters squelching beneath my fingernails, but I paid that no attention.

"Professor Chang!" I blurted in surprise.

This was not good. With my skills hampered by my unfamiliarity with my own abilities and the many foreign compartments of my belt, we were unprepared to handle Professor Change and the group of several henchmen which always accompanied him.

I snatched my communicator off my belt and flipped it open, but before I could type in the command to contact the Tower, a shot of red goo covered the screen and keypad, not to mention my fingers. The only way I could free up my fingers was to break the quickly hardened goo against the beam Raven had pushed me against, thus breaking the communicator into a crumbling mess.

One of the henchmen had spotted me. He had an advantage that I did not, presumably possessing goggles which were equipped with night vision. I could fight in the dark, as I had previously demonstrated against the Doctor of Light, but then neither of us could see as I was blindfolded and the Doctor Light was disoriented by his own strobing lights. Now there was a clear advantage.

Hoping that Raven was contacting the other Titans so that we may get the back up, I pushed my doubts forcibly away and I began parrying the blows of the henchman who had found me.

Professor Chang's henchmen were always equipped with powered staves, some of which shot red goo and some of which were electrified. This one happened to have the former, which was unfortunate because it could be used as both a close range weapon and a projectile weapon.

The first idea that came to mind was to use a smoke bomb. Admittedly I had not done well in my training with these, but I could hardly see as it was and this would only take away the henchman's advantage. The first ones I threw at the ground out of habit, but they hit the shallow water which seeped up through the sand and fizzled out. It was stupid of me. I received a blow to the face before I could recover and put enough space between us to palm two more smoke bombs and throw them at another beam this time, effectively causing a blanket of smoke to cover us.

My opponent blundered around, swinging wildly with his powered staff, which I snatched and tore away from the tubing that connected it to the pack of goo on his back. Using it as a regular staff, it was easy to dispatch of him, and I covered his feet in the rapidly hardening goo for good measure.

The staff was familiar in my hands, forked at the end like a tradition Tamaranean solar mace, and with it my confidence soared. Perhaps I should ask Robin for a collapsible staff like his. Another henchman broke through the mist, this one with an electrified staff, and I engaged him and took him out neatly. A third henchman used a button set into the palm of his hazmat suit to clear away the smoke, which I was not aware was in the scope of their abilities. He swung an electrified staff at me and I held mine horizontally in both hands to keep the tip from touching me.

The charged electricity lit the darkness eerily, blue and white light buzzing from the staff. I was about to drop to my knees, keeping the staff above my head and sending the henchman sprawling on the ground on the other side of me, but my feet were sinking into the sand and I lost my footing. I fell to the side as my foot sank into the soft sand beneath me. Salt water and gritty sand filled my mouth and salty foam stung at my eyes.

Pain tore through my side where the electrified end of the staff touched my side. My ankle, still stuck in the wet sand, twisted painfully as my body convulsed. The pain was bad, but the fresh memory of the intense pain of my Transsubstantiation kept me from sinking into the whiteness that blurred my vision and remained even when I closed my eyes.

I hoped that Raven called the others.

The thought of Raven jarred me into lucidity.

I tried to call out for her, but after the extreme pain of the electric shock, my body was oddly numb except for pinpricks of pain along my skin. I worried vaguely that the shock was too much for my human body.

The steely pronged edge of a staff came into my view. This was one that ejected red goo, and I knew what Professor Chang's plans were. Perhaps he would ransom me to the titans, or perhaps he would attempt to use my powers which I no longer had to fuel some sort of outlandish weapon. Either way, it would be humiliating and not good at all.

The tip of the powered staff was whisked out of my line of vision and I heard it splash down in the shallow water near the back of my head.

There was muffled shouting from beneath the haz-mat suit's helmet and the ruffle of material that was undeniably a cape.

Robin.

The sound of metal on the hard helmet of one of the henchmen—Robin's boot, I guessed—filled me with the strength to struggled to my knees. My ankle was still buried in the wet sand nearly up to my shin, and it took an enormous effort to pull it out. The sand made a horrible sucking sound as I freed myself from its grasp and water filled the hole where my ankle had been.

Using the support beam for balance, I pulled myself to my feet, leaning heavily. The numbness was leaving my limbs, replaced by painful prickles, but I ignored them as best I could. I could hear the sounds of a fight and the cowardly whimpering of Professor Chang, but the darkness was too thick to see through.

Blindly I groped for the staff dropped by my attacker. I heard it fall close to my head, although with the waves it must have gotten moved. I located it and switched it on, filling the underside of the pier with eerie white and blue light.

I dropped the staff almost immediately. It was foolish of me to think that my savior was Robin. I had seen him depart only hours before.

Red X was surrounded by slumped henchmen, all with the special X-bolas around their ankles or limbs, and he was holding Professor Chang against the support beam .

"Insurance," he snarled, ignoring the flare of light from the staff I had dropped. "You tried to cheat me."

"I don't have any," Professor Chang whimpered wildly, kicking his feet at Red X in vain. His hands were holding Red X's wrist to alleviate the pressure.

Professor Chang's whimpers increased in pitch and desperation as I assume Red X tightened his hold on the old man. He abruptly dropped the struggling arms dealer, who landed in the shallow water with a splash. Red X held his palm out, outstretched, and three X-bolas shot out of his glove. One wrapped around Chang's mouth, another around his arms, and the third around his knees.

Red X turned his attention to me, and I moved so that the support beam was behind me. I held my hands against it behind my back and I did my best impersonation of Robin's most serious facial expression.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded.

"Please," Red X scoffed. "You can hardly stand."

He was not wrong. However, just because I human-level physical strength did not mean i did not have Tamaranean-level emotional strength. I shoved my pain and weariness back and, decisively, I stuffed my hand into my belt and palmed three discs. I threw two of them at Red X, missing more widely than I would have liked on the right, but the left one sank into a beam behind him. "Answer me," I growled.

"Easy, cutie," Red X soothed, hands up with his palms out, approaching me.

"What are you doing here?" I repeated.

"Investigating," he answered, still approaching.

"Investigating what?" I tossed my last disc at him and he dodged it, charging me. I tried to punch at him, but he blocked my blows easily and he reached into his belt. I did not see anything in his hand, but he gripped my upper arm in an iron-tight grip, pulling me close to him. For a moment I believed he would attempt to kiss me, as he nearly did when we first realized that it was not Robin beneath the suit so long ago. This time I did not have my eyebeams to combat him.

"Stop," I choked, but he ignored me and placed his palm over my mouth.

I knew enough to resist breathing in, but he took hold of my rist and bent my thumb back painful until I gasped in pain.

Red X released me, and as he did I shoved my hand into my belt and clutched at his cape. "Why are you doing this?" My voice came out very weak, and already whatever drug he had dipped his hand into was pulling at the blood in my veins, dragging me into an unnatural sleep.

…

"Star, wake up." The voice was familiar, but the urgency in it worried me. "She must be knocked out. We'll take her back home, get her set up in the Med Bay."

"Wait a second Cyborg," a different voice said. "Let me. Azarath metrion zinthos…"

It was as though cold water was thrown over me. Ravens powers energized me so suddenly I jerked upright with a yelp.

Cyborg, looking startled, was hovering in my line of vision. Raven had kneeled next to me on the sand, but she was leaning back now, giving me space.

"Are you all right?" she asked, her tone serious.

I touched my head, which was aching, and found that my hair was matted with wet sand. "Yes, of course. I am fine. But what happened?"

Raven and Cyborg exchanged a look. "You don't remember?" Raven asked gently.

"That's great," Cyborg mumbled, his words heavy with sarcasm. His words stung, but I realized that he was not upset with me. "We'll get you checked up back at home, Star, and we'll have Raven see if she can find anything."

"Wait," I protested, feeling overwhelmed. "Please tell me what occurred. Raven and I,,, we were at the boards of walking, eating the funneled cake and pizza, and now I am lying on the beach feeling as though a grd'r has trampled me. I am most certainly missing something, am I not?"

"There was an explosion," Raven said, and my eyebrows shot up in surprise. It is as though trouble follows us. "We went to investigate and it turned out to be more than we could swallow. Professor Chang's henchmen ambushed us, shot me with their fast-acting containment goop, and you had to fight them on your own. I'm sorry, Sarfire," she rushed to add. "I was so busy keeping an eye on you that I wasn't looking out for myself. It won't happen again."

Her apology was greatly appreciated, but I was too alarmed to react to it.

"It's my fault," Cyborg cut in. "I shouldn't have let you two check it out on your own. With Robin gone, I shoulda been looking out for the team. I messed up."

"It is not your fault," I rushed to assure him.

"It is my fault," Cyborg mourned, angry with himself. "If you didn't set off the emergency flare Robin stocked in your belt, you girls would still be—"

"Emergency flare?" I echoed.

"Yeah. You can't remember setting it off, I guess, but Beast Boy saw it from the window in the ops room and we got our butts into gear."

I nodded. I did not remember seeing an emergency flare in my belt, but I must have found it and activated it.

"Good job with Professor Chang, Star. At least we got him. Robin'll be glad to hear about that."

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. Cyborg gestured behind him, where Professor Chang was wrapped in two of my bolas, the same wire as Robin's tipped with purple weights matching my uniform, around his limbs. I must have subdued him, but I could not remember doing so and I could not imagine myself doing so. It was very strange.

"Thank you," I answered weakly.

"Yo, B," Cyborg shouted, cupping his mouth with a hand.

Looking over to where he was shouting, I saw Beast Boy in the shape of a bloodhound underneath the pier.

"Anything?" Cyborg called.

Beast Boy changed back to human form, crouching. He shook himself off in a fashion similar to a dog, water droplets flying off his hair and wetting the sand beneath him. "Not really. It's too wet in there to smell anything besides fish. And I think somebody set off a smoke bomb." His face lit up when he saw me. "Star's awake!"

"Indeed," I answered, standing and wiping damp sand away from my uniform as best as I could. "Raven's assistance was most appreciated."

"So what happened?" he asked as he approached us, scratching sand out of his hair. "Looks like you did a number on Chang."

"I cannot remember," I answered. "I must have suffered a bump on the head. I do have an aching head, currently."

"Huh. I guess it remains a mystery, then," Beast Boy said with a shrug. "Hope you at least had fun until Chang crashed your party."

"Oh, it was glorious!"

We took the T-car home, and I recounted to Beast Boy and Cyborg, with some help from Raven, the events of the night up until the interruption from Professor Chang. Raven and I retired to our quarters to bathe and scrub the sand out of our hair.

It was not until after my shower that I decided to go through my belt to look for emergency flares. I could not remember Robin informing me of where they were stored in the belt, but then there were many objects and I could not yet remember all of them. I did not think I was still at the point that I would completely draw a blank when asked where something in my belt was stored.

There were no flares. What I did find was the absence of my trackers. The 'bugs' that Robin gave me to locate a person. Once I affixed the tracker to a person or their vehicle, I could pinpoint their location from anywhere.

Alarmed, I pulled out the screen that went with them and I turned it on. It seemed that I simply dropped them in the fight I had beneath the pier, as a cluster of dots blinked at me from the screen in the approximate location of the pier. Many of them had gotten swept out by the tide, but it was nothing to worry about.

When I moved to put the screen away, however, I tilted it horizontally and it switched from portrait to landscape, and upon tilting it zoomed out to view all of Jump City. There was another light, far away from the others. In the warehouse district of the city, it seemed.

Perhaps it was a mistake. There are many ways that my tracker could have fallen from my belt in the fight with the rest of them and attached to a piece of lumber or perhaps a fish or any number of things and gotten taken to the warehouse district.

"Starfire," Raven called as she portaled through my door. I almost dropped my screen, but I quelled my surprise quickly and set it down. "Sorry to barge in," she apologized, "but I was knocking and you must have been really into whatever you were doing."

"It is all right." I stood very calmly, sweeping my wet hair behind my shoulder. "What is the matter?"

"Nothing. Cyborg called Robin, to put in a report, and… Robin wants to talk to you."

I touched my hair nervously. "He wishes…" I fumbled, and my heart flipped in my chest. "I see," I attempted to recover, even though Raven obviously sensed what I felt and looked away modestly. "Very well," I said, hoping to sound casual.

Raven nodded and disappeared, leaving me to myself, and I made my way to the operations room, where Cyborg was standing in front of the semicircular couch and the image of Robin, from the shoulders up, was stretched on the monitor over the window.

"Alright," Cyborg finished, glancing at me. "I'm gonna do the paperwork now. I'll let you know if anything else comes up."

"Okay. I'll get back to you ASAP," Robin answered. He was not looking at Cyborg. He was looking at me.

The door whooshed shut behind Cyborg and I smiled at the screen. "Robin," I said, and the smile tugging at my lips became wider. "Greetings."

"Hey," he said, smiling back at me. His smile quickly faded, however, and he added, "I'm sorry I wasn't there."

I tucked my wet hair behind my ear. "You would not have been there even if you were not currently in Gotham. Raven and I had done to the boards of walking when we noticed trouble and we went to investigate without backup."

"I know. I just can't believe that the minute I leave you get knocked unconscious."

"It was not Crux," I reminded him evenly. "There is no cause for any more alarm than usual."

"I don't like it. Crux could have found you when you were unconscious. He could be waiting for an opportunity to make a move—"

His words were creating a knot in stomach. "I will not remain cloistered in the Tower until Crux is taken care of," I said, tightly but firmly.

"No, of course not," Robin agreed, but he pushed his fingers through his spiked hair and I could tell he was getting frustrated. "Just… be careful, Starfire."

"Of course." I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a slow breath to vent my annoyance.

"Cyborg said you don't remember anything from the fight, and Raven got hit by Professor Chang's containment agent so she didn't see anything," Robin continued, apparently oblivious to the effect his words had on me and taking on a much more businesslike tone.

"That is correct," I said. "I must have received a bump on the cranium. Raven will attempt to go through my memories later—"

"No. I told Cyborg not to do that. Raven said she heard you get shocked and I'm worried that rooting through your memories will make you relive that, which'll hurt Raven, too." His voice was firm. "No."

While it is true that Raven's empathic link was increased when rooting through people's minds, I did not think the dangers of this would outweigh the helpfulness. "But what if we are missing something important?"

"No," Robin repeated simply. "It's too risky."

He was being overly cautious. Perhaps I could persuade Raven to perform the memory search regardless.

There was a noise, a sequence of high pitched tones similar to that which come out of our Titan communicators yet which were foreign to me, and I believe the noise originated from Robin's computer as there was the muffled sound of typing before it stopped.

"Star, I'm sorry, but I need to go," Robin said, and he really did sound apologetic.

"Of course, Robin. It is no trouble."

"Okay." He sounded somehow disappointed, but I could not place why. "Be careful."

"I have already promised that I will be." It was a struggle to keep the snap out of my voice, but I believe I succeeded.

He seemed reluctant to hang up, but he did after a moment.

My first instinct was to find Raven and ask her to find what she could remember, but I doubt she would go directly against what Robin had told her, especially if it meant I might go through the pain of electrical shock once more. Besides, if she could also receive a shock, I did not want to risk that.

So I waited. I did the playing of it cool. I played video games with Beast Boy while Raven watched. I even offered to train until Cyborg.

Once everyone in the Tower was asleep, or at least shut in their own rooms immersed in more video games or in books or in building a new contraption, I opened my bedroom window after disabling the alarm with a tool given to me by Robin and with a pneumatic hiss of my grapple gun, I took my leave.

…

The warehouse district, like most such districts in most cities on Earth, flanked the river on the south side of the city. Earth factories and warehouses were located near rivers because, long ago, humans used water to power transportation for goods and even the factories themselves.

The dot had moved since I last saw it, going to the financial district, the garment district, and downtown, but it had returned and appeared to be stationary now.

Wind brushed my hair around my shoulders. I stood on the ledge of a three-story building, overlooking a two-story building. Both of the building appeared to be warehouses, both were in need of having their facades cleaned, both were chipped and weathering at the sides where the wind beat against it, both had several windows which were boarded up.

The two-floor building across from had almost every window boarded up with wood on the second floor, and it was most likely abandoned. The one I stood on was not abandoned, but as it was past midnight I was not in danger of arousing suspicion. I held the Global Positioning Satellite screen in front of me. It was undeniably indicating the presence of my tracker in the building in front of me.

I aimed very carefully, and my grappling hook gun sank into the brick just above a boarded window almost directly across from me. There was a chance that I set off alarms, alerting whomever I had tagged with my tracker that they were about to be broken into . I threw an explosive disc, which sank into the boards covering the window just below my jumpline, and I palmed the detonator. Before I could think about what I was about to do more closely and realize that it was a bad idea, I swung.

I retracted the line and just before my proximity to an explosion would be decidedly unsafe, I pressed the detonator, causing the wood to explode. What glass was left in the window frame shattered, and I would have to be mindful of that as I landed. Feet first, I lifted myself into the window, thankful for the few acrobatic lessons Raven had been helping me with. I landed and I was forced to roll with impact. I was so pleased with myself for doing that successfully that I was not paying attention.

A foot swept me out of my crouch before my eyes had a chance to adjust to the dim lighting, and I raised my arm in time to deflect a blow from a wooden board that must have been part of the shrapnel I created when I blew up the window.

I took a blow to the shoulder, followed by a swift punch to the stomach, and I nearly doubled over before catching at the arm that swung at me. I threw my attacker with as much force as I could muster against the wall behind me, spinning myself into a backflip.

I stood, panting and clutching my stomach, parting the curtain of my hair that fell in front of my eyes.

Across the room from me was a teenage boy, muscular but shorter than me, silhouetted so sharply that I could not see any facial features. Ann unfamiliar voice swore at me, then he turned to what appeared to be a work bench. I charged toward him, alarmed that he was most likely reaching for a weapon, but he held out his palm to me and then I was forced off my feet by a familiar object that shot out of the glove he was wearing.

I was stuck against the wall in one of Red X's nets.

"Red X?" I gasped.

The boy turned back to the work bench and I could see, in the silhouette, that he pulled the mask over his face. In the tinny voice that sounded so similar to Robin's, he said, "What are you doing here, cutie?"

My eyes were adjusting now. The room was wide, a polished hardwood floor reminding me almost of a dance club. The only lighting in the room was red, like a war-bunker, and it made me nervous. A huge computer was at the center of the room, several hard drives attached to six monitors on the wall. White light from the monitors cut into the red that washed over the whole room, but only briefly. A comfortable looking chair had been knocked back, presumably because of my entrance, and the Red X uniform was thrown on the floor next to the work bench, where the left glove waited for its owner to slide it on.

I could only discern that the boy in front of me was light skinned. He wore black jeans which were fitted close to his legs, black boots, and a dark red shirt. A leather jacket hung on a hook on the wall. His hair was dark, I could tell that much.

"Who are you?" I blurted.

He chuckled, but it was devoid of humor. He leaned his ungloved hand on the wall next to me, uncomfortably close. "That," he said, and I could hear anger beneath his voice, roiling like the water in a pot, straining against the lid as it boiled, "is not for you to know. I am Red X."

"What are you doing here?" I asked before I could stop myself.

Now his chuckle was filled with amusement. "I should ask you that. Welcome, cutie, to my base of operations."

"My tracker," I explained. "I must have—you must have been there—" I cut myself off with a sharp gasp as images flooded my mind. "You wiped my memory! You _drugged _me!" I strained against my bonds but it was no use. I was firmly stuck.

"Easy, cutie. Couldn't have you spilling to your friends that I'm out of jail."

"It is not jail, it is a juvenile detention—"

"Kiddie jail, then," he interrupted. "Anyway, I hope you got a good look, because you're about to go back to sleep." He turned from me and picked up his belt, and the memory of his hand slipping into his belt before covering my mouth flashed against my eyelids.

"Wait," I gasped. "Do not wipe my memories."

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked quizzically.

"Because." He moved toward me, hand outstretched, and I took in a calming breath. "I need your help."

**Hi guys! Really sorry for the delay, I was really sick last week. But now I'm better and giving you the fic. I'm working on writing more, so hopefully I'll be able to get teasers back up at the end of the chapters soon. Also, I'm posting on Saturdays from now on. I used to not work on Fridays, but now I do work on Fridays so it's not a good day for me to post anymore. But I'm gonna stop with the stupid schedule and attempt to be more consistent. Thanks for putting up with my scheduling issues though, it's awesome of you.**


End file.
